What all clicked? Seriously, I was going to feel like such an asshole if she was sick, and I’d left her, providing more stress for her.
“You never said what your thoughts on having children were. Maybe that was because you don’t want them or because you didn’t want me to feel bad because it wasn’t possible with me, or because you’re young and it hasn’t crossed your mind. I don’t know.” She looked down at her painted toes that were wiggling in the sand before her gaze lifted to mine. “I didn’t think it was possible, but I’m pregnant. You deserve to know that I’m planning on keeping the baby. Your part in his or her life is up to you.” She put her hand into a pocket I hadn’t realized was on her dress and pulled out a sheet of paper. “This is a plane ticket to California. Use it or don’t, but I hope you do.”
My mind was still reeling from finding out she was pregnant. Stella was pregnant with my baby, and I was going to be a father.
“I know this is a lot to take in, so I’ll give you time. I’m staying at an Airbnb for the night and then leaving tomorrow. If you want to talk, I’ll text you the address.”
Every word she was saying registered, but I couldn’t speak. Hell, I could barely blink. The reason I hadn’t used a condom wasn’t because I thought she couldn’t get pregnant. Not once had that thought gone through my mind. The problem was nothing penetrated through the thick veil of lust of how much I wanted her that ran through my veins. All I had wanted was to sink into her tight pussy and feel it suck me into its depths.
She stood, her hand hovering over my shoulder as if she was afraid to touch me. “I’m going to go. The heat is starting to get to me, so I’m going to get an Uber.”
“Don’t go,” I called out hoarsely. “I...can I come back to your place so we can talk?” She bit on her lower lip as she nodded down at me. “Thanks, let’s get you out of this heat. If I’d known, I never would have brought you here.”
“It’s okay. I’m learning new things about myself every day lately. What makes my stomach roll, and what makes me want to lose my breakfast. The other day the smell of coffee had me nauseous for hours, and I couldn’t figure out why. I guess I won’t be visiting my local coffee shop anytime in the near future.”
After helping her into my truck, I got inside and turned to her. “You said you took a test yesterday.” She nodded, wringing her hands together. “Have you been to the doctor to get it confirmed?”
“Not yet, but I plan to call Lexie’s doctor when I get back and make an appointment. If you want, I can send you the confirmation once I have it.”
Shifting my truck out of park, I pulled out of the parking lot and onto the street. “It’s not that I don’t believe you. Now that you told me, it makes sense why I thought your tits look bigger.”
Stella crossed her arms over her ample chest, trying to hide her tits, but all it did was enhance them.
“What’s the address of the place you’re staying?” I asked to get my attention back on the road and not thinking about how I wanted to devour her.
She rattled off an address that wasn’t too far from my dad’s house. My mind raced with a thousand questions, but none of them spilled from my lips as I drove us. The most pressing question was, did Stella only want me to be around for our unborn child, or did she want more from me.
The thought of being a father scared the living shit out of me, but the thing that scared me the most was losing Stella again and knowing I’d never have a chance to win her back.
“This is it up on the right,” she called when we were only a few houses away. “From what I’ve seen, you grew up in a nice town. It’s very peaceful and quaint.”
I wasn’t sure about quaint, but it was peaceful. At least most of the time. It saddened me to realize I could have come back here long ago. Maybe I would have sought the counseling I needed then and be the man I wished to be for Stella now, but I knew I couldn’t always be second-guessing my choices. If I had come back after leaving the military, I wouldn’t have been on Seas the Day, and I wouldn’t have met Stella on it. I was learning everything worked out the way it was meant to, and I needed to cherish everything life gave me.
“Don’t you find your place on the beach peaceful?” I asked as she unlocked the door to the house she was staying at.
“I do. That’s why I bought it, but that doesn’t mean I can’t find other places peaceful.”
“True,” I answered. I was really only making small talk.
“Since I’m only here for the day, I don’t have anything to eat or drink. I’m sorry. I could get you a glass of tap water if you’d like.”
“No, I’m fine. Why don’t we sit so we can talk? Now that I’ve had time to digest the news that I’m going to be a father, I...well, I want to know how you feel about me. Where do I fit into the picture?”
Stella’s legs nearly came out from under her. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad sign to my question. Her knee bounced as she sat in a chair across from me. “I don’t want to force you into anything. You may have moved on since you’ve been home or don’t see a life with me. That’s for you to answer. Do I want you in my life as more than the baby’s father? Yes, but I understand if that’s not something you’re ready for, or that’s not what you want.”
I’d messed up more than I thought if she thought for one second I didn’t want her.
Moving around the table, I kneeled in front of her and took her hands in mine. “There’s never been one second since the moment I laid eyes on you that I haven’t wanted you. It was never about that but about me. I’m sorry I left you with so many questions. I should have replied back to your messages, but I was not in a good place when I ended things. Hell, I’m still not.”
Her face fell at my words. Using my finger, I tilted her head back up until our eyes met. “I’m a wreck without you in my life. I’m not sure when it happened or how, but I fell in love with you during our short time together. Each day since I left California, it’s been almost unbearable to even get up in the morning, but I fought through it, so I could make myself a better man for you and unbeknownst to me, our child.” I spread my hand over her still-flat stomach in awe that I’d created a life, and it was growing inside of her. “I know I’ve screwed up in the worst of ways, but I’ll do whatever I have to do to make you believe how much you mean to me.”
With a trembling lip, she asked brokenly. “How am I to know that if you have another bad dream, you won’t pick up and leave again?”
Bringing her hands to my mouth, I kissed the backs of them. “Because I’m promising here and now if I have a bad day, dream, or flashback, I’ll talk to you about it. I’ll find a therapist in California, who I’ll continue to see. What I won’t do is leave you again.”
“Do you really love me?” she asked with tears welling up in her beautiful brown eyes.
“Why is that so hard to believe? You’re a very lovable person, and if you give me a chance, I’d be happy to show you just how easy it is.” My hands skimmed up her legs until they reached the hem of her dress. My thumbs rubbed the skin just under the edge until she gave me a subtle nod, giving me the okay to move on. Now that I had the green light, I wasted no time. Pressing her legs apart by moving my body between her legs, I ran my thumbs up the inside of her thighs and didn’t stop until I was met with the promised land.