“Fuck, that’s tough, man. I had no idea.” His mouth turned down as he picked at the label on his bottle of beer. “So, what happened?”
“I had a nightmare while in bed with her and kind of freaked out. I knew I wasn’t as put together as I thought I was. Stella deserves so much more than me, so I broke it off before I ended up damaging her.”
“Don’t you think you should have given her the choice?” His face turned serious, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to like what he said or not. “I’m not saying I believe it, but maybe she’s the one to heal you.”
Eric was probably right. They all were. If I’d told Stella about my dream and what occurred while I was deployed, she probably would have understood why I needed some time to myself, but there was a constant nagging in the back of my head saying I might never be over the trauma of Damon’s death.
“What if I’m the one to fuck her up beyond all recognition?” I choked out, barely more than a whisper.
“Because that’s how you see yourself?” I gave him a one-shoulder shrug. “I didn’t know you before, but I do know you now, and you’re a great guy when you’re not moping around. You’re never going to be the man you were before you left. Everyone changes, but you changed even more so while you were gone. That’s okay. She didn’t know you then. She knows the Remy you are today, and I think she liked what she saw.”
“You make it sound so easy, but you didn’t see the hurt in her eyes when I left.”
“No, I didn’t, but if it has you so torn up about it, you should rectify the matter.”
He was right. I did want to fix the wrong I’d made, but the thought of what if it happened again kept me from reaching out to her.
“I need to give us more time.”
Eric shook his head in annoyance. “What for?” he asked as if I needed a brain transplant.
“Time for her wound to heal and time for me to make sure I don’t hurt her again.”
“Don’t wait too long. If you do, she’ll be healed and leave you in the dust when she finds another man.”
If Stella got over me and found someone else before I was whole, it would be my retribution for Damon and Tyler’s lives.
21
Stella
Turning my face to the heated wind, I closed my eyes and tried to tamp down the urge to spew my breakfast all over the ground in front of everyone.
“Stella, are you okay?” Lexie called from behind me.
Holding up my hand for her to give me a minute, I tried to nod but instead shook my head.
“Hey, babe,” Ryder called out. “Let’s go inside and cool off. You’ve already got some great shots out here. You two can take a break and collect yourselves.”
“That’s a good idea. We can look over the shots I’ve already got and talk about what we want to do next. Does that sound okay to you, Stella?”
While I didn’t want to go inside, it was better than standing out here with the sun beating down on me. What I really wanted was to go back to my house, crawl into my cool bed, and stay there until the nausea that had plagued me for the last two days subsided.
“I’m coming.” I swallowed thickly around the saliva that had worked itself up into my throat and walked slowly to the open door.
Ryder was waiting for me with a cold bottle of water in his hand. “Here,” he handed it over. “You look like you could use this.”
“Thanks. I’m not feeling too great. I don’t know if it was some bad takeout the other day or what, but I can’t seem to move past it.”
“Why don’t you sit down? I’ll load these up to my laptop, and bring it to you once I’m done.” With her hand between my shoulder blades, Lexie all but pushed me over to the couch.
Leaning back onto the cool leather couch, I placed the water bottle to the nape of my neck to try and cool myself off quicker. I watched as Ryder went to the baby monitor to check on Delilah.
It wasn’t long before Lexie came back into the room with her computer in hand. She sat down beside me and then placed the back of her hand to my forehead. “You don’t feel hot. Do you think you’re getting sick?”
“I don’t know. I’ve felt off for at least a week, and then this nausea that won’t subside for the last two days. The only thing I’ve been able to keep down is crackers and ginger ale.”
She bit the inside of her cheek and then glanced over to her husband. “How have you felt off?”
Rolling my head to the side as it rested on the cushion to look at her better, I answered her as best I could. I was dumbfounded by the way I’d been feeling. I was up and down from one minute to the next. “I’ve been overly emotional. I swear the littlest things make me cry. Yesterday, I cried while I wrote an entire chapter, and it wasn’t even sad.” My head shook, unable to understand what was going on with me. “My boobs are all of a sudden about ready to spill out of every bra I own.”
Her eyes went to my breasts and back up to my face. “I didn’t want to say anything, but yeah, they do seem bigger. I thought maybe you’re about ready to get your period.”
My period.
“I...I can’t remember when my last one was. I’d have to look at my calendar, but it does seem…” My eyes went wide. “I think I’m late.”
What was I going to do if I was pregnant with Remy’s baby and how had it not occurred to me until Lexie hinted at it?
“Really?” She sat up straighter—a glimmer in her eyes. “I know you might not be ready, but…” She leaned in closer and whispered, “I do have some pregnancy tests in my bathroom. I brought them this morning and plan to take one tomorrow morning.”
“Are you serious?” Could it be possible that Lexie and I might be pregnant at the same time?
“Yes, but don’t tell Ryder. I want to surprise him tomorrow night. His mom is going to take Delilah, and we’re going to have a little date.” She shimmied her shoulders, making me laugh.
“Have fun.”
“We always do. So, what do you say we go upstairs, and you take a test, or you can go home, and I’ll bring it over to you that way Ryder won’t get suspicious?”
It was cute that she wanted to surprise him.
“How could I?”
“Please tell me I don’t have to explain the birds and the bees to you,” she laughed. “Did you always use protection?”
Not always. There were times when we were too excited and barely made it through the door before he was deep inside of me.
“Not always,” I admitted. “It could be possible.”
The thought I might be pregnant had butterflies taking flight in my tumultuous stomach.
Jumping up, I started for the door. “I’ll meet you over at my house. I’ll see you later, Ryder. Have fun tomorrow,” I called.
“Bye, Stella. I hope you feel better soon.” He waved.
Hurriedly I made my way over to my house and left the door ajar for when Lexie came over. The need to pee suddenly came over me, but I knew I needed to hold it. Otherwise, I’d either have to wait a few hours or chug a lot of water. Wanting to distract myself, I went over to the counter where I’d left my phone before I went next door to do a photoshoot for my website and headshots. Picking up my phone, I let myself have a few minutes of looking at the pictures of Remy and me that we’d taken during our short time at Pen’s place. Most of them were of us in bed with me snuggled up to his side, but there were a few of us while we were out to dinner. In a way, I was sad I didn’t have any pictures or many memories of us at my house. It was probably a blessing I didn’t, though.