I was stunned, but not so stunned I missed Matt’s face fall. “Really?”
Lara stabbed at her mac and cheese. “Really. He scrubs up better than most of the guys here, and I’m planning on bringing it. We’ll look great in the pre-dance photos, don’t you think?”
The thing about Lara’s particular brand of irony was that you could never quite tell if she was playing with you or not. The guys seemed to agree; Matt kind of smiled, then half-frowned, then smiled with his eyebrows drawn together. “Well, if you’re planning on bringing it, then I’m gonna have to make sure I drop in to check it out for myself,” he said finally.
Smooth. Safe reply.
Definitely sounded like he’d wanted Lara to ask him, though. Or maybe I was imagining that.
“You wouldn’t want to miss it, Patterson,” she said, and Matt actually bit his lower lip while he held eye contact with her. I got the strangest feeling Matt was going to picture her saying that while making out with his pillow or something later that evening.
“So, anyway,” Will said without looking at me. “That new Marvel movie’s out this weekend. Anyone down?”
“What, you wanna go to the movies?” Matt asked. “Sure you don’t wanna just go with Jess?”
Somewhere inside of me, a dark cloud of wrath, rage, and indignation started twisting my intestines into sailor knots.
“No,” Will said.
“Besides, since when do we pay for movies?” Darnell asked around a mouthful of salad.
“Exactly,” Will said. “My parents just got a new TV, it’s, like, seventy-five inches or something ridiculous. We could stream it.”
“Are we invited?” Niamh asked.
Darnell brightened. “Ye—”
“Sorry,” Will interrupted. “Guys’ night only.”
“So, Ollie’s invited?” Lara asked with a pointed gaze.
Well, from the look on Will’s face, you’d have thought she’d suggested burning the place down in a crazed satanic ritual once the movie was over.
“Seems kind of rude to bring it up in front of us if you’re not going to ask us,” Juliette said mildly.
“Like we’d want to haul ass all the way out to Napier to watch a blurry camcorder copy of another superhero movie,” Lara said. “I’m sure we can find something actually entertaining to do with our Saturday night, girls.”
I wasn’t exactly sure if I counted as a girl in this scenario, but I nodded anyway.
After lunch, I caught up with Lara and walked next to her for a few steps, trying to get up the nerve to ask her.
She got there first. “You come here to dump me?”
“What? As my date, you mean?”
“Well I don’t mean as your girlfriend.”
I paused. “I wanted to know if you were serious.”
“Duh. Do you have anyone better to go with?”
She was walking faster down the hall now and I had to scramble to keep up. “Not really.”
“Yeah, well, neither do I. So let’s coordinate outfits and look better than both of them, all right?”
She stopped her near-sprint and turned to face me, one eyebrow raised in a challenge.
Well, shit. Who would’ve thought Lara would be asking me to a dance? And who would’ve thought I’d ever say yes?
But I was about to, wasn’t I?
I shrugged, and folded my arms. “All right.”
In my pocket, my phone buzzed, and I pulled it out while Lara blatantly peeked.
Friday, 12:32 PM
Meet me in the parking lot after
school?
The parking lot was mostly empty by the time Will sheepishly appeared and shuffled to my car. He offered me a weak smile that I didn’t return. I just leaned against my hood and waited.
“I wanted to tell you,” he said in a low voice as soon as he got close enough.
“Yeah, well, you didn’t.”
“I was going to next time I saw you.”
“You saw me yesterday. You didn’t say a thing. You didn’t have any trouble telling the guys.”
“I didn’t, I swear. Jess told Matt.”
“Why did she tell Matt?”
“I don’t know, Ollie!” he said, flinging his hands up in frustration. “I’m sorry, okay?”
“Sorry you didn’t tell me or sorry you’re going with her?” I asked, my voice hard.
He blinked at me. “It doesn’t mean anything,” he said. “I promise.”
“Yeah.”
“I would go with you if I could.”
I tried to smile, but my muscles worked against me. The thing is, he could. He was just choosing not to. And whether they were good reasons or not, he was still choosing not to go with me. And if he absolutely had to do that, fine, but couldn’t he go alone?
I probably should’ve said that to him, but I didn’t for two reasons. One, because I was terrified he’d hear me practically beg him to do something important for me and still say no. Two, because I didn’t want him to go alone because I asked him to. I wanted him to go alone because he truly believed that if he couldn’t go with me, he didn’t want to go with anyone.
“I can’t wait to see you all suited up,” Will said in a quiet voice. “I really do wish I could go with you.”
He was looking at me in this intense way. No one had ever looked at me like that before. Like I was the most special person in the world, and he’d only just realized.
I opened my mouth, and a whole bunch of really appropriate things were supposed to come out. Something along the lines of “Thank you,” or, “I’ll text you later,” or, “It’s super cold out here, huh.”
But then my mouth—completely of its own accord, may I add—did something really stupid.
It said, “I love you.”
Will and I both froze. I don’t know which of us was more shocked, to be honest. Where the hell had that even come from? Of all the times I could’ve picked, and I’d gone with “right after being told he’s going to the dance with his ex-girlfriend.” I didn’t have a clue why I’d said that. Why did I say that? I was so angry, and hurt, and I came out with that? If your meal has a freaking toenail in it, you don’t ask for a dessert menu. If your not-really-boyfriend does something selfish that makes you feel worthless, you don’t tell them you love them.
I guess I’d wanted to hear him say it back. Because as long as he loved me, then the other stuff didn’t matter, right?
Right?
He gave me a sort-of-smile, but it was more of an “I don’t know how to make this less awkward” smile than an “oh my God the guy I love loves me back” kind of smile.
Mayday. Time to bail out. Immediately. “Well, anyway, I—”
“I really, really like you,” Will said at the same time.
“Oh.” Wow, that came out more high-pitched than I’d hoped. “Cool. That’s really—”
“I care about you a lot.”
“Awesome.” I had to leave right now or it was going to be super obvious I was upset. “Thank you. Wow, it’s, uh, super cold out here, huh? Hey, I actually have this huge essay due Monday and I really need to get home and start on it. So, I’ll text you later?”