Subject: Is it me or…?
Tucker has a crush on Sienna’s sister.
Alex asked me to help him get the nursery ready. Rocco left without even acknowledging that he’s having a baby. Some days I wonder if he knows what’s happening outside his head.
The real question is, did you just send me a bonsai?
You’re corny as fuck. Are we back to that place where you’re trying to flirt with me?
I’m flattered. Just don’t think I’m going to put out.
In any case, can you bring dinner tonight? I don’t feel like going out or cooking. As I mentioned, I spent all day helping Alex.
I owe you,
Z
From: EDK <[email protected]>
To: ZJH <[email protected]>
Subject: We won’t call you Mr. Romantic
I’m not sure what I want to do with you. Can you just say thank you without asking questions?
Just know that I love you, okay.
Ethan
P.S. I’ll be at your place at 5 with dinner.
Chapter Thirty-One
Ethan
There’s a saying that history repeats itself.
Whoever said it first is a mystery. Many have used it and added to it. I don’t think that what is happening to us is history repeating itself but more like bad luck.
Sienna dies during childbirth. The doctor says it was from a pulmonary embolism—the result of an undiagnosed clotting disorder. Rocco is in London when this happens. We’re all scrambling to ensure that the baby isn’t sent to foster care since her dad is not in town. I try not to panic, but I watch Zeke closely.
He’s the one who comes up with the idea to discharge the baby since the doctor and nurses assumed that Tucker is the dad. Sage, Sienna’s sister, disagrees initially, but we convince her that it’s for the best. She doesn’t know that Rocco already lost a child to the system, his nephew. He was high the day he went to court to request guardianship of the baby.
Rocco is still the same irresponsible kid who falls apart and needs drugs to forget everything. We are responsible for his daughter.
While Zeke is the one calling Fitz and arranging accommodations for the baby, I watch him like a sniper waiting for his target.
The next day, when Rocco is home, he responds the way we expected. He’s high, detached, and lost. I try to understand, but every time I see Mae, his baby, I get angry at him. She needs him.
The kid is only a couple of days old, and she’s already lost her parents. I doubt Rocco is ever going to acknowledge her.
Little Mae lost her mom during childbirth and might lose her dad to drugs. Not that he’ll die, but he’s going to disappear and leave her with us.
Zeke avoids Hannah’s house. I don’t blame him. I split myself in two, watching him while helping Tucker and Nana. Thankfully, Sadie and Kade keep an eye on Zeke. They’re like the parents he never had, and they love him like their son.
Three weeks after Sienna dies, Rocco goes back on tour. I’m concerned about him, but he’s not my priority. All I care about is Zeke’s well-being.
It’s close to midnight when the first wave of news hits my screen. The advantage of owning HANNETH is that I learn about what’s happening globally before we report the information. The downside is that I learn that Rocco was found dead before everyone else. The pictures of him are raw and painful. I order my people to replace them with pictures of him when he used to be part of Sinners of Seattle. I request for them to hold the news until his family is aware of the situation.
I head to Zeke’s house. He’s not there. I call him, and he answers right away.
“Yo?” he answers. The music and the people in the background send a few alarms in my head. Is he partying again?
“Where are you?”
“The Silver Moon. I was restless. Kade agreed to jam with me. The next thing you know, we’re all here. What’s happening?”
I sigh with relief. By “everyone is here,” I’m sure he means the Deckers too. There are probably more musicians who agreed to play some live music tonight. Since Sienna’s funeral, they’ve done this three times. “We need to talk,” I say. “I’ll be there in a few.”
“You sound… I’m not going to like the news, am I?”
“See you soon,” is all I answer.
Instead of taking my car, I call an Uber. The Silver Moon is only a few blocks from my place. I’m there in less than five minutes. When I go to the back door, Zeke is already waiting for me.
“What happened?”
“I’m sorry,” I say, unable to tell him.
He closes his eyes and shakes his head. The pain sketched on his face makes me capture him in my arms.
“I fucking knew it,” he mumbles. “I knew he would do it. He refused to fight for himself. I—”
“You’re not responsible,” I remind him. “You tried to help before, but you have said it several times, we can’t help those who don’t want to be helped.”
Rocco and I never had a good relationship. He annoyed the hell out of me, but I still loved him like a brother. He was family.
“Can we go home?” Zeke finally speaks, handing me his keys.
I don’t ask his house or mine. I know he means his place. I’m not sure if it’s our home or just his, but tonight I plan on staying with him. I need to hold him and for him to hold me. Now that I have him with me, I understand why my brain went into overdrive. I felt the same way I did when I heard that Zeke had died, not that he did. I lived terrified for years that one day I’d be receiving the news that he was found dead in his hotel room due to an overdose.
When we arrive at his place, I’m not prepared for Zeke.
His mouth is on me. His lips are firm, hard, and insistent, just the way I remember them. There’s a softness to the kiss, just like there’s pain. He angles his head to deepen the kiss. This isn’t part of our plan to wait, but I don’t stop him. We put sixteen years of pain and heartache behind us. It’s nothing like our first kiss. Maybe this is the first kiss of what can be our future.
I let out a low, deep, throaty groan as his hard length presses against mine.
“This is something I’ve dreamed of doing,” I say, dragging my mouth off his, stopping the best kiss I’ve had in a long time. My breathing is as erratic as his. I bet my eyes are glazed with lust and passion, just like his. “I want you. No. I need you like I need air. We just can’t do this because we’re mourning.”
“I needed the kiss because I’m thankful that it wasn’t me. That I still have the chance to live and someday to be with you,” he states. “There’s a lot to do. We can’t juggle a new relationship with this mess. I just want to hold onto that kiss until it is our time.”
“I love you,” I mumble.
He rests his forehead against mine. Our noses touch, and our mouths are so close I could kiss him. We don’t. I do want to punch him when he says, “I know,” and the asshole grins.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Ethan