I come awake slowly, but even before I open my eyes, I know Maggie’s already gone. I had planned on calling her mother and stopping everything. Last night, being with her in bed, she reminded me of the old Maggie.
I thought that finally, after all of this time, I’d broken through one of the walls that Maggie had constructed around her. Obviously, I was wrong, or she would have been here this morning. She didn’t need to leave for at least another hour, which means she snuck out early to avoid talking to me.
It’s not enough to make me give up, but it is disheartening.
Calling Ida Sue and cancelling everything would have been a mistake. It’s clear that I can’t allow myself to stop now. Honestly, I knew going in that this was going to be a fight. I also knew that, if I won, it would be worth it.
I know some people think I’m insane for holding on all these years. The truth is, Maggie is holding on, too. The difference is, she doesn’t realize it. I ignore what others say. They don’t know Maggie and they sure as hell don’t know what we lived through when we lost Brylee. Until you lose a child, you don’t know the guilt and the blame, the soul crushing despair that you feel, the way it settles inside of you, seeps into everything you are, permeating the air that you breathe. It marked me, brought me to my knees.
But it decimated Maggie.
I was so lost in my own misery that I didn’t notice it in time. I let her down. I failed her. I didn’t want the divorce, but I thought maybe giving it to Maggie was something I owed her, prayed that she could heal and live again. Despite no longer being married, though, we sought each other out when the loneliness and pain became too much. Eventually, at least for me, it became more about finding the other part of my heart again—about never being able to let go of the love I have for Maggie.
For her, I think it’s still all mixed up in her head. The only thing I truly know is that she loves me.
Still, I was telling her the truth. I don’t want to grow old alone. I want my woman with me, by my side. I want us to raise our son together, enjoy our grandkids together. And if I can’t have that with Maggie? Then, I really do need to get the fuck out of Mason. I won’t go to Washington, though. I couldn’t be that far from Terry. I will need to be away from the woman I love if I can’t have her. Whatever the two of us have, it’s ultimately not healthy if we’re not working toward the same goal.
“Dad!” I look up as Terry comes running into the room, jumping up on the mattress so hard that he bounces in the air not once but three times before he settles.
“Hey, kiddo. You’re all excited this morning,” I murmur, smiling at him because just seeing him makes everything better.
“Uncle Luka wants me to come spend time with him and River! Isn’t that great, Dad? He wants me to go on a camping trip with them! Can I go, Dad? Please?”
I send up a silent thank you to Luka and Petal for their help in this crazy plan that Ida Sue and I hatched. I bring my boy into my arms and hug him close.
“I think that sounds like a great plan, son. You do that and when you get back, you and I can build that treehouse you’ve been wanting. What do you think about that?”
“Really? You don’t have to work?”
“Nope. I have nothing to do but spend time with my boy.”
“Awesome!” he cries, and I smile, knowing whatever happens, this little boy is one of my biggest blessings and I’ll love spending time with him.
I just hope I’m doing it with his mother and not alone in another state.
13
Ida Sue
“I’m worried we’re not doing the right thing.”
“Red, you’re starting to sound like an old woman. You might want to check and make sure your balls are still attached,” I grumble, staring out the door.
“Damn it, Ida Sue.”
“You just be at Faith’s cabin.”
“I’m heading there now,” Bryant responds.
“Good. Did you remember the chains and cuffs? I told Luka to make sure he gave you a set when you dropped Terry off.”
“Ida Sue, I’m not going to chain Maggie to the bed to keep her there,” he snaps, and I just shake my head.
Lord, you sure made some dumb children. I shake my head, silently talking to the Man Upstairs in disgust. At this rate, I’m wondering how he managed to knock up my daughter. If I didn’t know what smart offspring he and Maggie produce, I just might be against this union. Then again, Bryant is a good guy, and he loves my Maggie with a love that’s so strong it reminds me of my Jan’s. So here I am, wading in trying to figure things out for another one of my kids. It’s a good thing they’re all good looking because I swear they’re all a little light upstairs at times.
“And that right there is why we’re in this mess. You need to listen to me. I’m not just here to look pretty,” I mutter.
“You’re going to leave her at the cabin without a vehicle and I’ll make sure she doesn’t know I have a car there. It will be fine—unless she decides to walk all the way back to Mason,” Bryant reasons.
“This is my daughter you’re talking about, Red. She’s stubborn enough to walk the length of Texas in a blizzard if you piss her off.”
“We’ll be fine. You just make sure you have her there. Stall for a little while, too. I’m almost there, just stopping to leave my vehicle and then I’ll be hiking up to the cabin. The kitchen is stocked right?”
“Do you take me for an amateur, boy? Your kitchen is stocked, and I left a few surprises to set the mood.”
“Shit,” he curses, and I resist the urge to laugh.
“You’re welcome,” I respond, really wishing I could cackle—or see their face when they find my surprises.
“Now, I’ll be going out of town for a couple of days. Parker Huntington is having a party and I want to be there for him. He’s going through a rough patch, and I don’t know his family, but Green tells me they—”
“They make mine look like parents of the century,” Bryant says, making me frown.
“Well, shit. Then, I’m definitely going. Besides, I think it’s best I stay away from Maggie for a little bit.”
“You’re afraid this is going to backfire, too. Aren’t you, Ida Sue?”
“Let’s just say, I’d feel more comfortable if you had brought the damn chains,” I grumble. “I’ve got to go, Red. Maggie just pulled up. You get to hiking. We’ll be there shortly.”
“Will do,” I hear him reply as I click off my cell. I plaster a smile on my face, grab my overnight bag which is empty—but Maggie doesn’t need to know that. Finally, I go out to meet my daughter, praying this works.
My kids are stubborn, and they force me to go above and beyond to make sure they find their happiness, but Maggie might be the hardest nut to crack yet. I hope I survive her. If I do, then I figure it will be Blue that will finish me off. It’s too damn bad that boy is too big to flip over on my knee. I never spanked him enough as a kid.
Jan’s getting some years on him, but I wonder if he could take a trip to the woodshed with Blue….