“You look worried,” Lacey says. “Are you worried?”
“A little…”
“Well, don’t be. As you know, Charley is a delightful young woman. She told us she’d do almost anything to see you happy. We’re going to talk to her later, but first, we want to welcome back astronerd, Dr. Banana Pants himself, Ben Williams, to the Wake Up America! stage!”
My legs feel like I just got back from ten months on the International Space Station as I walk out. Serafina’s eyes light up, then she looks me up and down and her expression immediately hardens. I give her a sad smile, then take my seat on the empty armchair next to hers.
“Dr. Williams,” Lacey says. “You’re quite a sight for sore eyes.”
Hal actually rubs his eyes before adding, “Yes, welcome back. That’s quite the shirt you’re wearing.” Hal laughs like crazy while Lacey rolls her eyes at him.
“Thanks for having me,” I tell them both. Glancing at Serafina, I add, “I have some apologizing to do.”
Serafina snorts. “Do you mean you have some more people to make fun of?”
“No … not at all.” Damn, this isn’t starting out well.
“What’s with the outfit then?” she demands angrily.
“I picked this up at Namaste Friends in the Village. I’ve been trying to immerse myself in the metaphysical world to better understand it.”
Raising one eyebrow, Serafina says, “You’ve been to Namaste Friends?”
“Twice actually. I picked up a Tibetan singing bowl and have been using it while practicing meditation.”
She stares at me like I just pulled a warthog out of my hat, then says, “Okaaaay.”
“So, Ben,” Lacey interrupts, “As you know, we here at Wake Up America! have been completely fascinated with you and Serafina. And we’re not the only ones, because we haven’t had so much fan mail since Backstreet Boys performed in short shorts. It seems that more than half of our viewers are desperate to see you two back together.”
“What do the other half want?” I ask nervously.
“Seventy percent of the other half want Serafina to kick you to the curb, and the other thirty percent want to see the resurgence of boy bands,” Hal says.
“Since the majority wins, we’ve invited some guests here today to try to talk some sense into the two of you. Maybe we can give America the happily ever after we’ve all been waiting for.”
“Look around, Ben; you might recognize a few faces in our studio audience,” Lacey adds as the lights in the audience come up. “Your mom and her two best friends, Lita and Lynda, are here.” Gesturing for them to stand, Lacey says, “Come on, Mom, stand up and show yourself.”
Holy crap. They’ve flown my mom and her friends here?
My mom gets up, looking like she’s going to burst into tears from all the excitement. She waves around the crowd like she was just crowned Miss America before sitting back down.
I’m totally stunned, which makes the shock that much greater when Lacey calls out to my team from the office to stand up. Dev looks oddly pleased with himself, while Alec and Carla wave wildly. The rest of them look decidedly nervous.
Just when I’m sure they can’t fit any more rings into this circus, Gwen and her aunt June stand up. Oh, dear. I have no idea what Hal, Lacey, and Charley have in mind, but I sure hope to hell everything works out. I say there’s about a forty percent chance it will. Sixty percent goes to the crowd having me tarred and feathered in retribution.
“So, Dr. Ben, what do you have to say for yourself?” Lacey asks.
“I, um … well … I …” My thoughts are whirling around so fast I can’t seem to grab a hold of any of them. “I’ve never felt so bad about anything in my entire life. I was closed-minded and well, just awful, really.” I look at Serafina the whole time I’m talking.
“The first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one,” Hal says wisely.
“That’s right,” I tell him. “After I lost Serafina and made such a mess of things with Gwen, I realized I needed to make some changes.”
“Changes, like getting a new wardrobe?” Lacey asks.
“That’s part of it. I was so fixated on proving Serafina wrong, I lost sight of what science is all about — which is the pursuit of truth. One can’t just decide what truth is without being open to unknowns. For instance, scientists of old believed the Earth was flat. If Aristotle hadn’t thought bigger, we’d still be terrified of falling off the edge of the planet while sailing.”
“Are you saying that you believe in astrology now?” Lacey asks.
I shake my head, unwilling to lie. “No, but I am open to finding out more about it and I’m willing to concede that if practiced responsibly, there might be some benefit to it.”
Hal leans forward in his chair, wearing a Diane-Sawyer-interviewing-Britney-Spears expression. “I think there’s something more you want to say, Ben.”
“I want to take this opportunity to apologize — to Serafina, to Gwen and her family — specifically her Aunt June who I never should have called a meddling busybody — and to my team at NASA.” I scan the audience trying to make meaningful eye contact as I go. “I was so far over the line of human decency that I couldn’t even see it from my high horse. I got so caught up in trying to prove I was right that I forgot about what’s important — treating others with respect and generally being a decent human being.”
Lacey stands during my apology and walks off the stage, reappearing in the studio audience with a microphone. She walks over to the L-Triad and asks, “Which one of you is Ben’s mom?”
“I am,” my mom tells her, holding up one hand. “Lydia Williams.”
“Why do you think your son got so sidetracked by the need to be right?”
My mom tears up a little before saying, “It’s my fault. I have a horrible track record with men, and I think it’s turned Ben into someone who’s suspicious of everyone he meets.”
“Mom, it’s not your fault,” I tell her, wishing we were having this conversation anywhere but here.
“No, it is,” she says, shaking her head. She looks over at Lacey and says, “Ben’s dad took off on us when Ben was seven. Then Geoff, he’s the one who took our cat, Dr. Pepper, when Ben was nine. Phil stole all my money and my car…”
Lita leans over and yells, “Phil Dewitt of Portland, Oregon, if you’re out there, I’m coming for you!”
Lacey’s eyes grow wide, then Lita looks at me. “And you, get your head out of your keister. And come visit once in a while.”
“Thanks, Aunt Lita,” I say as flames of embarrassment lick my face. Then louder, I add, “None of this is my mom’s fault. She was a wonderful parent who tried to teach me to be open-minded and kind. I failed her along with everyone else here in the audience…” I glance at Serafina. “And on stage too.”
“The truth is, you hurt us all,” Hal says. “We have viewers promising not to watch us anymore if you don’t come back.”
Lacey is now standing in the aisle next to Gwen and her aunt. “Stand up, you two.” When they do as she asks, Lacey says, “America, I’d like to introduce you to Ben’s former friend, pediatric dentist Gwen Phalen, and her aunt June. I think we all remember how Ben outed his sham of a relationship with Gwen right here on Wake Up America!”