Keyton got the superficial benefits but not the dirty, grimy, charging-down-the-field breathless kind of satisfaction. I could feel how much it hurt him not to live every bit of his dream. To feel he never got a shot.
It would be like asking me to get up on stage night after night and lip-sync someone else’s words. Slowly, it would dismantle me brick by brick.
“Time to give you the full Philly football experience.” Marisa slid off her stool.
“What does that mean?” I looked to Jules who laughed into her hand.
“It means gear up ladies, we’re going outside.” She pointed toward the seats on the other side of the glass as if we’d be trekking up the Himalayas. “At least for a little bit, so I can tell LJ I haven’t gotten too soft and stayed inside the whole time.” A sheepish look crept onto her face.
Gathering provisions, we migrated outside, bundled up with parkas and blankets provided in the suite, our breath escaping in puffs in front of our faces. The seat warmers were handy, as were the gloves, hat and blankets over our laps, but my cheeks were icy. The three of us huddled together, laughing and sipping spiked apple cider.
“One of the downfalls of being up so high.” Wind whipped at my cheeks.
“I love the man, but I’m lasting half a quarter out here, tops.” Marisa bounced up and down in her seat.
Jules breathed into her hands. “None of us have to worry about freezing eggs. My ovaries have to be rock solid at this point.”
“Have you looked into that?”
Both their heads swung in my direction. Totally not an awkward topic to bring up with two people I barely knew.
“Have you?”
My guard went up like it always did. I’d thought about it. I wasn’t thirty yet, but I’d heard freezing them as young as possible increased the odds later on. Maybe my next album would flop and people would forget about me. Or maybe my life would get even more insane before I flung myself off the pop star train.
A part of me longed for a little girl with Keyton’s eyes or a little boy with his devil-may-care smile.
“No, there was an article in Cosmo or another magazine. It was an interesting read. Are you guys planning on having kids soon?” My gulps were way too big for how hot the drink was. The apple cider burned on the way down.
Steam wafted up from Marisa’s mug. “We’re thinking about it, but LJ doesn’t want to be traveling once they’re here, so we’re waiting to see how this season goes.”
“Same. Berk is nervously excited about kids—even more now with Reece and Seph being pregnant.”
Keyton had talked about them. “Those are the two who were supposed to come to SeptemberWeen. She’s the one who put out the sex ad in college and he answered it?”
They laughed.
Marisa wrapped the blanket tighter around herself. “She’s so lucky Reece showed up by mistake and not a total creeper.”
Jules tucked hers up around her shoulders. “Do you think they’ll tell that story to their kids?”
“Well, darling children, Mommy was looking to lose her vitginity, asked Daddy how big his dick was and that’s when he fell in love.”
The hot liquid burned on the way out my nose. I’d done more spit takes in the past month than I had in most of my life. Scrambling, I grabbed some napkins. Jules grabbed some and dabbed me down.
“She did not ask him that!”
Even more laughter. Jules wiped at the cider spot on my lap. “She did. It was question number one.”
Marisa chimed in. “I think it was number three. The first was how long he could last. The girl knew what was important to her.”
This time we all dissolved into laughter.
The quarter started with a teeth-rattling whistle blowing through the speakers—or maybe it was just the cold trying to rattle them out of my head.
The winter wind was way colder than I’d have expected for late October. It almost tasted like snow in the air.
Marisa waved. “We’re on the big screen.” She pointed at the massive screen opposite us in the stadium.
Jules waved too.
Their names popped up on the screen.
Marisa Saunders-Lewis. Wife - LJ Lewis.
Jules Vaughn. Wife - Berk Vaughn.
Bay.
No designation. Not that there should be. Keyton and I hadn’t been hiding, but my post hadn’t called him my boyfriend. I hadn’t wanted to spring that on him. And our status had been semi-overshadowed by the man with the knife.
But seeing my name up there all alone didn’t have the same appeal it once had.
For the first time, I wanted the notation, the modifier to my name showing I had some connection to the outside world, that I wasn’t all on my own. That I was part of a couple. Part of one with Keyton.
28
Keyton
The game had been close—so close I hadn’t gotten my chance on the field. But the congratulations when the final play ended with a failed drive into the end zone by Atlanta had made it feel like I’d held back the whole opposing team on my own.
Anyone else would be jumping right along with the team, excited we were one game closer to the playoffs. But the gnawing in my chest grew with every second slipping off the game clock.
Leaving Berk and LJ behind, I left the locker room. There wasn’t even a need to take a shower.
The post-game conference was a joke as always. A barrage of questions to me in my pristine jersey while the rest of the guys were grimy and still sweating from busting their asses out on the field.
Questions were lobbed my way like anything I’d done had an impact on the outcome. I always waited for the sneers or taunts from guys on the team about how useless I was, but they never came. They seemed as happy as anyone to bank on my good luck, either because they believed in it or because they loved using it to get inside the other team’s heads.
Knowing Wisconsin was out made the walls in the packed room of folding chairs feel like they were closing in on me, ready to twist and bend the metal. The trade deadline was in less than two weeks and there hadn’t been a word from Ernie. And there wouldn’t be.
I slung my duffel over my shoulder and left, even more eager to get to Bay, to make sure there hadn’t been any issues, and to see what she’d thought of her first pro game.
Jules and Marisa waved from their spot beside the locker room door. Jules tugged the zipper up on her coat. “Thanks for letting us keep her company.”
“Thanks for doing it.”
Marisa rolled her eyes. “Like you’d have to ask twice. It’s what we do when there’s a new woman in a Fulton U guy’s life. She’s awesome by the way. But I’m sure you knew that already.”
A feather-lightness filled my chest at how quickly they’d accepted her. They’d dropped everything after hearing she’d be watching the game all by herself. “I did.”
Berk and LJ joined them a few seconds later and they all walked off toward the exits.
Instead of Bay waiting in the emptying hallway leading to the players’ exit, Holden stood beside Eric with his hands shoved into his black pea coat. “Bay wanted to come down to congratulate you on the win.”
Glancing up and down the hall, I saw that there were fewer people than during a game, but still a lot more than I’d like. After what had happened earlier in the week, her hesitancy about crowds made a lot more sense.