A few weeks wasn’t enough. So many people. If I pulled the plug without warning, it would put people out of work. Piss people off. Disappoint them. Panicky dread tightened at the base of my neck. My ears heated. A few weeks to make decisions for my future. For the livelihoods of hundreds of people. And for my future with Keyton.
“A few weeks…”
“Maybe a couple months. You’ll be busy with the tour. Holden will be in the loop too. Don’t worry about that. But take the next few weeks and don’t let him rush you. He’ll get his percentage to feed his watch obsession in due time.”
What would I do about Holden? If I just stopped, it would completely derail everything he’d built for me over the past six years.
My days had never been my own. Even my period rest days were bracketed by madness. I didn’t know if I knew how to do nothing for more than a few days at a time. Maybe I could ease into things. “I’d like to maybe produce for other people. Like the work I did with Spencer.” I braced myself for the scrutiny and confusion, maybe Maddy letting me down gently, but letting me know that no one would take me seriously.
Maddy’s head tilted. “We can look into that. Are you sure you want to add another thing to your plate?”
“You know me. I can’t stop working.” The confession of wanting to pull the plug on everything else tickled the tip of my tongue, but not yet. I couldn’t make a decision without talking to Keyton first and figuring out what he wanted his future to look like. I wouldn’t just show up in his apartment saying ‘hey, guess what? I quit being a pop star, let’s be together for forever. No pressure’.
“Holden pitched Spencer as an opening act for the next tour. We could launch Spencer off your shows like we did for you. Imagine what it could do for him.”
My stomach clenched. Would I be robbing Spencer of his big shot, if I stopped? This could be the opportunity of a lifetime for him.
I gripped the armrest of my seat. “What if we brought him on for this tour? For one of the last legs?” We could hang out. I could show him the ropes, bring him up on stage for duets and use my stage to help launch his career to the new level now without hanging all that on the next tour—the one that might never happen.
“We could make that work. We haven’t finalized the opening acts yet. You know how flighty acts can be.”
“It would be perfect. His sound is distinctive and I think my fans would love it too.”
“Good, I’m glad. It’ll also give you a buddy on tour. I know it’s rough doing this solo. At least Without Grey have each other, no matter how much they’ve wanted to kill each other over the years.”
“Can you believe it’s been a decade since I played on their album?”
If I hadn’t been working with Freddie, if I hadn’t been available that night, my life would be unrecognizable now. If Keyton hadn’t heard me singing on those back steps and become the inspiration for a whole album’s worth of songs. If he hadn’t shown up for training camp and pissed me off so much I’d sung in front of everyone. So much of my life was all wrapped up in him, and we had less than a week left.
A weight pressed down on my chest, an inescapable pressure of crushing sadness closing in from all sides. I felt the fear of what would happen when the schedules changed and the cancellations racked up for us both, of what we’d become when the reality for both of us came barging back in.
“You’re telling me.” She sat in the seat beside me. “Mind blowing. After bumming along with them on their first summer tour, I definitely didn’t think I’d end up here.” Gesturing with her glass, she checked out her office.
“The office is pretty swanky.”
“You could certainly say I’ve got a bit of help with adding some swank to this place.”
“Are you hitting the road soon with the guys?”
“We'll see. We’re all getting older.”
Maddy was only four years older than me, but life changed quickly when priorities shifted. I knew that, and it became clearer with each passing day.
“After the madness of the last decade for me and the guys, they’re finally maybe thinking about really settling down. What’s the point of all the money and fame if you’re sitting alone in a hotel room chugging from a bottle of Jack Daniels night after night?”
“Is this personal experience?” I finished my glass and sat it on the table between us.
She chuckled. “Personal experience of smacking bottles of Jack out of people’s hands. If we can do a short tour and keep everyone from driving each other insane and losing their minds, we might try it in the spring. The album is coming together. Once it’s closer to finished, we’ll be able to figure out the rest of the logistics.”
“We’re all lucky we have you keeping us in line.”
Her laugh was louder this time. “Only because I’ve never been great at keeping myself in line.”
On occasion Manager Maddy slipped away and I got a glimpse of the messy 22-year-old who’d first introduced herself with the ratty backpack and the crinkled NDA. She’d gotten more relaxed over the years—mellowed after the Everest Era.
The phone on her desk beeped.
She leaned over it. “Shit. I’ve got to take this, Bay. You’re welcome to hang out until I finish.”
“It’s okay. You’ve run out of booze.”
“Never!” She gasped and glared. “How dare you insult me like that?”
I squeezed my lips together. “You’re losing your touch, Maddy.” With a quick hug, I left her to her call.
Eric waited in the reception area to usher me back to the car.
Taking my phone out, I laughed at the messages piled up in the group chat with Piper and Felicia. It was mainly gifs and random pictures from our day together, but it felt good knowing they were just a text away and they didn’t feel they were bothering me by sending messages. I felt the same.
I sent a message to Emily to have someone go to the temperature-controlled storage truck that travelled with the tour. It was where all the things I hadn’t wanted exposed to the ravages of day to day bumps and knocks were kept under lock and key. I’d said it was for when I got my own apartment, but that had been six years ago, and I needed it now.
Holden showed up five minutes before the conference call he’d set up with London, out of breath and flushed.
I slammed the folder closed. Was he literally running around putting out fires? Did he have a secret girlfriend? Was he on the run from a mob boss he’d pissed off? “Talk to me, Holden. What is going on with you?”
“Hmm, what? Nothing.” He grabbed his tablet and set it on the conference room table.
“You keep disappearing.”
He scoffed. “Busy, busy, keeping you busy.”
The video chatting system chirped to alert us to an incoming call. My gaze narrowed at Holden who slipped right into the call with a smile full of charm and swagger like there wasn’t anything the least bit weird with what he had going on.
After the call finished, Holden packed up and bolted out of the room.
Before I could rush after him and pin him to the floor to tell me what the hell was going on, Emily tapped my arm.
“I put what you asked for in your room.”