Lisa opens her mouth and puts her hand to her chest, faking shock. Silently laughing at her, I tell my sister I’ll meet her at the barn in a few minutes.
“I like seeing you like this.”
“Like what?”
Lisa smiles. “Happy. Whatever Chase is doing to you, make him keep doing it.”
Chapter 14
Chase
I sit on the rock by the river, with my phone in my hand. The battery is at two percent, but I can’t get myself to get up, go inside, and charge it. If the phone is dead, I can’t listen to Sierra’s messages.
I should have told her. Come clean. Confessed the truth and have this whole thing be behind us. I had the perfect opportunity when she asked why I didn’t call. I’ve replayed it in my mind a million times, though mostly because of how fucking hot Sierra looked wearing my T-shirt.
The conversation could have gone a hundred different ways, with the most likely being her running away as fast as she could. Then I’d stay here long enough to help Josh with the bar and be out of here. I haven’t been out west in a while. Texas was always good for business.
But I’m so damn tired of running. For the first time in my life, I want to stay where I am. And I know the only reason is because of Sierra.
I exit out of the voicemail and bring up a text instead, writing out a message to send to Sierra.
Me: I finished Unbroken. That ending came out of nowhere.
Sierra: You’re a fast reader. And I know!! So crazy, right? I’m glad I have someone to talk to about the book now.
Me: I think she set it up to write a spin-off.
Sierra: OMG I thought the same thing!
Me: I need a new book recommendation, by the way.
Sierra: I have a few ;-) I’ll bring you something tonight.
I start typing a reply, but my phone dies. “Dammit,” I mutter and get up. I’m tired, and should probably lie down for a few hours before work tonight. Though I was more comfortable than I’d been in my whole life lying in that hammock next to Sierra, I didn’t sleep much. Laying down like that—comfortable, content, completely at ease—doesn’t happen too often. I wanted to soak up as much as I could, remember every minute I can.
I’m so fucking lame. I know.
“Is the voicemail not set up on your phone?” Josh asks. We’re behind the bar, serving drinks.
Shit. It’s not. Because setting it up will make all the saved messages from Sierra disappear. I think. I’m not sure. But it’s not something I want to risk. “I haven’t gotten around to it yet.” I shrug. “My other phone should be back soon.”
“Right. I almost forgot about that.” He grabs a glass and goes to the tap, filling it up with beer. “Anyway, I called because Dakota wants you to see her sing in the church choir.”
I haven’t stepped foot in a church in years. And with all the shit I’ve done, there is a good chance a lightning bolt will come down from the sky, striking me down before I can go inside. But she’s my niece. She’s family.
“Yeah, I can go. When is it?”
“Tomorrow morning, at eight.”
“Fuck, that’s early.”
“It must be nice having eight be early.”
“Hey, you don’t open until the afternoon.”
“True. But I do have a four-year-old who gets up with the fucking sun.” He gives the beer to a patron. “Is it too early for you?”
“No, not at all. But tomorrow…never mind. I’ll be there.”
Josh wipes down spilled liquor from the bar. “What’s going on tomorrow?”
“Nothing.” Most likely nothing, at least. I’m seeing Sierra again tonight. Late. I don’t doubt that I’ll stay over at her place again. That’ll be three nights in a row we’ve been under the same roof. And three nights of not hooking up. I’d never push her, but there’s a good chance I’ll get carpal tunnel from all this.
“Really, because it seemed like something. Are you going to Sierra’s again?”
“How do you know?”
“You can’t take a piss in this town without someone finding out. I knew you were full of shit when you said you two didn’t hook up.”
I take a drink order and turn my back on the crowd, pulling a bottle of vodka from the shelf. There’s no point trying to convince Josh otherwise. Why disappoint him, anyway? Besides, if I keep going out with Sierra, I’m sure we’ll eventually hook up. Unless I die from fucking blue balls first.
I make a Dirty Shirley for a college-aged woman and move on to the next customer.
“You know that chick is eye-fucking you hard, right?” Josh whispers, motioning to the girl who ordered the Dirty Shirley. “If she bends over, her tits are going to spill out of her top. And you didn’t even notice.”
I look over, and the Dirty Shirley girl catches my eye. She smiles, and then slowly pulls her straw from her mouth.
“Sierra’s that good in bed, huh?” Josh heckles.
“Yeah,” I agree. I have no doubt that she is, but it’s so much more than that.
“You can leave early,” Josh says. “I have it covered tonight.”
“I can stay. I said I’d be here tonight.”
“You are meeting Sierra again tonight, right?”
“I’m going over once I’m done here.”
Josh smiles. “You’re done. Go.”
The whole people-doing-favors-for-me thing is still weird. Really fucking weird. “You don’t mind?”
“Not at all. Like I said, I want you to stay. And if Sierra’s got you so wrapped up you didn’t even notice Tits over there, she might be the one to convince you.”
“She just might be,” I echo. “I’ll do a round clearing tables then take off.”
“Chase, just go. And have fun,” he adds, raising his eyebrows.
“I can do that.” I fill one more drink order then head up to the apartment, needing to wash the smell of the bar off me before going to Sierra’s. It’s nine-thirty, and she wasn’t expecting to hear from me until at least after midnight.
Texting her throughout the day…starting our date hours before we planned…it goes against everything I’ve done. Breaks all the simple rules I’ve set up for myself.
Being eager to see her, to just spend time with her, is a new feeling for me. I fucking like it, though in the back of my mind, in the small area that I allow to process emotions, I’m terrified.
I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want to be disappointed. Facing my fears comes naturally. I don’t let it hold me back, and I’m not stopping now.
Pausing in the kitchen, I pull my phone from my pocket and stare down at the screen. I lick my lips, heart thumping in my chest as I unlock the device. My finger hovers over the green phone icon. I shouldn’t do it. I need to stop.
But I can’t.
I need to hear her voice. Feel her pain.
“The therapist asked if I still call you.” Sierra’s voice is thready, void of any emotion. “She says it’s not healthy and that I won’t be able to move on if I keep doing this. I hate when people say that. Moving on isn’t going to make my life good again. Moving on isn’t a magical cure. What am I moving onto? What do I have to look forward to anymore?” She sighs and pauses for a few seconds. I press the phone closer to my ear. I think I hear the river in the background. “I remember being happy. I miss it. But I just don’t see how I can ever feel whole again.”