Almost. I almost don’t message her. But fuck that, I want to see her.
I took the first night off that I’ve had in a long damn time to see her. Maybe I didn’t text her, since I assumed she’d come in like she usually does, but I have the balls to ask her. Right fucking now.
My body heats as I type in the message.
Missing you, sweetheart. I’m getting off work and wondering where you are.
I regret sending it pretty much as soon as it goes on the screen. It’s not like she’s obligated to be here. I let out a heavy sigh, hating that all of this feels so suffocating. It’s been five years since I… I don’t even know what I’m doing. Asking her on a date, I guess. A real one, not just to be my fake date for a wedding.
Sorry Charlie, I went home tonight.
A frown tips my lips down, and that sick feeling comes back to me. I clear my throat and type back without thinking.
I was hoping I’d see you. Now I don’t have a dinner date. :( Again, I immediately regret my decision. A sad face? Really? Throwing my head back I grip my phone like I want to strangle it. What is it with this woman?
A dinner date? Or a fake dinner date?
I thought the food would be real… I’m playful in my text back, trying to keep the conversation lighthearted.
You make me smile. I can see her doing just that. Smiling as she reads the message.
Good, you should be smiling. You’re too sweet not to be smiling.
It feels easy flirting with Grace. It always has. My chest feels light as I wait for her response.
I’m sorry. Not tonight.
Another date? I question. I don’t think she’d be one to do that. She’d tell me. But I ask her without thinking. I need to quit it with that.
Nope. Just a lot of work to catch up on and I’m exhausted.
I think about asking her if she’s seeing anyone, and making this thing between us official. But then I remember all the stories she’s told me about her dates and looking for a man to settle down with. Clingy. I’m not ready for all that. I could at least ask her out to dinner though. Just to tell her thank you for putting up with my sister. Maybe sneak in another kiss.
Another night? I ask her.
She takes a minute to respond, and all the while I’m getting more and more anxious. Maybe I should take the hint, but I don’t want to. I at least want to feed her.
Sure. I’d like that.
I’m smiling and thinking about going home when her next text catches me off guard.
What are we doing, Charlie?
What do you mean? I text her back almost instantly.
Fuck, even before she answers I know what’s coming. Grabbing closest chair and ignoring Mag’s stare, I take a seat and stare at the phone, willing her to respond. I lean forward, my elbows on my knees and wait, rereading her question. What are we doing?
I knew my sister got to her. Why the hell did she have to come in here and mess up what I had going with Grace? Everything was easy, just going with the flow and taking it slow. Making sure I’m not going to hurt her.
We’re just having fun.
I text her back before she can answer, my heart pounding in my chest. I lean back in my seat, the legs screeching as they slide across the floor and run my hand through my hair.
I feel like I’m in a little over my head. I stare at her response for a moment. That sick feeling was right. I knew it. She’s not happy anymore just playing around. I don’t blame her. She knows what she wants, and me fucking around with her is just causing problems for her.
What do you mean? I ask her, as my stomach sinks. I rub my eyes, feeling exhausted and hating myself. What did I really expect from her anyway? I huff out a breath and shake my head as my phone beeps and her reply comes through.
I’m not really sure what it means to just have fun with someone. It seems like I’m going to end up getting hurt and I’m not sure it’s a smart thing for me to do. I’m sorry.
I feel like shit, looking fixedly at the phone in my hand. Brushing my hand over my head out of frustration, I look up and see James at the bar, staring at me as he fills a glass with ice. I nearly snap at him, feeling stressed out and pissed off, but he breaks my stare and looks away as soon as he sees me glaring back.
I suck it up and text Grace back. I knew this was a bad idea. We’re looking for different things in life.
Are you still able to come to the wedding or do I have to tell my sister we broke up?
Shit that hurt to write. I ignore it all, knowing it’s best though. Better to break it off before she gets hurt. Because that’s all I’m going to do anyway.
She’s quick to answer: I’ll still go with you. And just so you know, I really do like you.
I know I should say something to put her at ease. I should tell her something to make her feel safe and comfortable. But I don’t want to lie to her and worse, I don’t want to lead her on. I’m not ready to get married and have kids or any of that shit. And that’s what she’s looking for. Especially knowing she may not be able to. I don’t need a baby-crazy woman trying to lock me down… but it doesn’t stop me from wanting her. At least for as long as I can have her.
Soon as this wedding is over, she’ll probably stop coming here altogether.
Night, Charlie.
I swallow thickly as I look at the screen.
I type in a few responses, but delete them all. I’m not going to lead her on. I won’t do that to her; she deserves better. I finally settle on something simple.
See you later, sweetheart.
Grace
The second I finally pull my headphones off at work, Diane calls my name. My gaze flicks to the clock before turning to see that she’s ready to go for the day, her jacket already on and purse over her shoulder.
“Hey,” she says, striding into my cubicle and leaning against the desk. “I don’t want to ruin your productivity or anything, but it’s almost seven. Our meeting went long.”
She doesn’t need to but gestures to the salespeople who I can see filtering out of the conference room. Rubbing under my eyes I slowly stand up, stretching. I don’t know the last time I got up. I’ve buried myself in work all day. Another productive day.
“You’re not interrupting,” I answer her. “I just came to a stopping point, creatively. Perfect timing.”
“Well, we’re going to the Local. You should come, assuming you’re not too busy with Charlie,” she says, teasing.
At the end of the aisle I spot the gaggle of women gathering near Diane’s cubicle and then glance at my desk. If I start on another project, I’ll be here until midnight at least and I’m sure as heck not doing that.
“Okay,” I say with both a shrug and a smile. “Why not?”
“Cool,” her peppy tone is infectious. “We’ll see you there. It’s karaoke night!”
She shoots finger guns at me, and I can’t help but smile. “See you there.”
The traffic is heavy, and I end up with less time than I’d planned to refresh my makeup and take off my leggings, leaving me in a very short pale peach dress.
Rushing to get there before it’s too late and everyone else is several drinks ahead of me, I let my hair down on the way to the Local. By the time I pull into the parking lot I look — well, at least respectable. The car door shuts with a loud click and I spot Diane instantly, who’s waiting outside the bar.