Taking in the bar patio, I’m immediately unsure. There are six tables outside, every single one packed with twenty-somethings ready to party. They’re loud, and a few are smoking cigarettes. I rub my forearm as I walk toward Diane, feeling like this isn’t exactly my vibe.
“There you are!” Her arm wraps around my shoulder, pulling me in close and I nearly stumble but have to laugh. “I need my drinking buddy. Claire’s driving us home.”
It ends abruptly as the loud noise of the bar hits me the second the door is opened and I nearly stumble again from being pulled in by Diane. Inside it’s madness, lots of little booths packed with people. I have to immediately flatten myself against the wall to avoid a waitress with a tray of drinks. Diane grabs me and pulls me toward the back, where some of our coworkers have managed to secure a table. Thank God we have a table.
“Look who’s here!” she announces.
A rousing cheer goes up, but I assume it has more to do with alcohol than my arrival. I recognize all the girls at the table, but the only one I’m friends with is Ann, and she’s at the other end. I need to move seats. As quickly as possible. Ann says something, shouting it even, but I have no idea what she said. I can barely hear the conversation continuing to my right.
I should tell Diane that I don’t plan on being here long. I just want to blow off some steam before I head home. The conversation with Charlie last night still has me feeling like an idiot. I don’t want to stay past the point of being able to drive myself home.
“Listen, Diane,” I try to get her attention. I’m interrupted by the arrival of two pitchers of beer and a stack of plastic cups. Another cheer goes up from our table.
“Shhh,” Diane says, taking it upon herself to pour me a plastic cup full of foamy beer. “Here, drink up.”
“Actually—” I try again, but Diane is preoccupied. Turning to my one ally here is useless, Ann is wasted. It only makes me grin, happy that she has a chance to get out and have a girls night.
“Shots! How many of us are there? Seven?” Diane shouts absently, turning around and searching for the girl who just brought us the pitchers. “Where’s the waitress?”
I settle back in my seat and sip my beer. Don’t be a party pooper, I chide myself. I guess I’m just still down from the conversation last night. My phone buzzes.
I check it, and see that I have a text from Ann.
Good to see you, girl. I didn’t think you’d come.
My gaze lifts to hers and I see her with her phone in her hand and the smile on her face as she stares back at me.
Good to see you too stranger! I have so much to catch you up on.
Tell me everything! But do it tomorrow so I’ll actually remember.
A huff of a laugh leaves me at her response and instead of responding, I lift my cup to her in cheers and we drink together.
“Hey!” Diane says, snapping her fingers in front of my face. I wrinkle my nose at her, and she smiles. “Quit moping and drink already!”
Soon, not one, but two shots are put in front of me.
Everyone throws the shots back, one and then the other. I do the same, willing the alcohol to drown out all the overthinking I’m doing. To my surprise, it actually tastes good, like a piece of grape-flavored candy.
“Mmm,” I hum appreciatively. I sip my beer and try to fit in.
A night out and some alcohol definitely can’t hurt even though I find myself thinking about Charlie. I don’t know the first mistake I made. Making that bet. Or asking him what we were.
My phone buzzes again and I see it’s from Ann. When I lift my gaze to hers, I see the concern. More beer. She wrote me.
I lift my glass again and pretend I’m not crazy. That I don’t feel like I just had a break-up.
An hour later, we collectively heave ourselves out the front door and into Claire’s car. I drank way too much. I knew it too, but each drink made the anxiety in my chest feel lighter and lighter. And I got to talk to Ann and tell her everything. At least I think I did. I’m not sure she heard it all though through all the noise.
There are six women packed in Claire’s little Nissan Altima, but we’re not going far. Mac's is right around the corner from here, and they’ve got a DJ spinning tonight.
There are three reasons really, why I’m going and that’s what I think about in the car ride there. Although I make sure to laugh when the other girls laugh, clinging to my bottle of water Ann grabbed for me.
I’m too drunk to drive.
I didn’t want to stay at the Local by myself
I want to prove it’s fine; I’m fine. It was silly and nothing happened anyway. Everything is fine, so I’m going.
We get to Mac's in one piece, thanks to Claire being the designated driver. It’s dark inside, with a couple of spotlights casting their glow on the bodies packing the dance floor. It’s not nearly as packed as the Local, but there are more people in here than usual.
“Whoa,” I say as I push through the crowd toward the bar. But then again, I come during the weekdays mostly.
Charlie’s working the far end of the bar, serving drinks to what looks like a whole sorority’s worth of girls. I follow Diane to the other end of the bar, where a younger guy is making drinks. Is that James, I wonder? I don’t remember and my brain is hazy.
I try to think what his name is with every step, but it escapes me. I realize that I must be tipsy, so I try to rein myself in while I stand at the bar, although my eyes keep darting to Charlie, waiting for him to see me. There’s not enough alcohol to make the bundle of nerves in my stomach knock it the heck off.
It takes a couple of minutes for me to get a drink. When I’m finally at the front of the line at the bar, I catch Charlie’s eye. He looks at me first, then at my work friends, and sort of shakes his head. He’s smiling, though. I bite down on my lip, feeling the smile stretch across my face as I rock on my heels.
But before I can even say hi, his attention is diverted back to the coeds, and he says something that makes them all titter. I’m certain one of them attempts to pull Charlie in for a kiss. He dodges the kiss at the last minute, but I’ve had my fill of watching.
It’s just fun.
All that internal pep talk leaves me in a quick second.
I turn away, grabbing my drink, cheeks heating and my throat feeling tight. If Charlie can flirt with every woman who looks his way, there’s nothing saying that I can’t have fun with whoever I want. As if that’s what I want to do right now. I dance my way over to Diane, trying not to let my hurt show. Well my attempt of a dance. It’s more like I sway my way over to her.
It’s not like you even have anything with Charlie, I remind myself.
I put my hands up in the air and dance, careful not to spill my drink. I’m sticking with beer tonight. Diane and the girls join in, and I try to just relax and have fun. I refuse to look over at Charlie, instead plastering my gaze on the back wall where the TVs display some music video.
It doesn’t take long for the group of girls on the dance floor to draw more men in and for Ann to decide her time is up. She rushes out, her husband waiting for her in the parking lot.
With her gone, and Charlie... preoccupied, my mind goes exactly where I don’t want it to.
It’s crowded, it’s loud and I feel like shit. In a room with all these people, I have to force the smile on my face and I just want to go home.