“You need company?” she asks.
“I have Grace for that,” I bite out the response although I try to keep my voice even and make a move to leave, not liking that I’m in this position at all, but she grabs my hand.
“Not anymore,” she says and her answer makes my heart pound. I turn to look at her, not saying a damn thing or changing my expression.
“I mean, she told me it was all fake and she was never really into you like that… it was just for fun,” Diane says in a low voice, her hand at the neck of the bottle, tilting it on the bar top. She whispers, leaning in closer. “I get it. You got what you needed from her, and she went slumming for a minute.” She pulls back to take a swig of her beer.
My heart feels like a knife’s gone through it, slowly twisting and then being pulled out. She was never into me. That’s all I keep thinking.
No fucking way. Of course she was into me. She wouldn’t lie to me. Would she? I move slowly, grabbing a rag from under the bar and wiping down the lacquered wood mindlessly.
“So I was thinking, if you’re looking for something tonight-”
“I’m good,” my words come out hard and maybe harsh. I don’t care though. Diane says something else, but I can’t hear anything over the sound of the blood rushing in my ears as I walk away, right to the back of the bar.
My heart’s hammering, my blood’s boiling. I feel tense and ready to break.
It was fake. Just like my last relationship.
I’m a fucking fool.
Grace
I slip onto the barstool next to Diane, deciding to woman up. I want Charlie, and at the very least I can put my heart on the line. Diane looks at me as I right myself, giving me a half smile.
“Hey,” I say. I should thank her for convincing me to come although I’m sure she really does just want to get wasted. The booze here is way cheaper than anywhere else around.
“Hey yourself.” She sips amber liquid from a rocks glass. Guess she finished her beer already.
Putting my clutch on the bar, I search for Charlie, but the bar’s empty.
“Where’d Charlie go?” I ask Diane. I can still feel the awkward tension between us. I just need to spit it out.
She shrugs. “He’s around. I think the other bartender is here now, though.”
Other bartender? I wonder.
The double doors to the back swing open and grab my attention. Maggie makes an appearance, hauling a big bucket full of ice. She dumps it in the well behind the bar, then hides the bucket. Oh, the other girl. I get what Diane’s saying now.
“You want something to drink?” Maggie asks. “Charlie’s finishing up some stuff in the back.”
I glance down to where my beer was when I left and then over to the two empty bottles in front of Diane. “A glass of white zinfandel pretty please.”
She pours the wine and sets the glass down in front of me, and all the while it’s quiet. My eyes keep flickering back up to the doors. I feel like I need to get these words out now and go tell him, but I can’t force myself to interrupt him.
“Wanna go somewhere else?” Diane asks.
Already? We literally just got here. I take her in before answering. She’s drunk, or well on her way there. I can tell by her almost-slurred speech, her rumpled clothes.
“No,” I say, firming my resolve to talk to Charlie. “I’m going to hang out here for a while longer.” I’m careful as I tell her, “If you want to go though, that’s fine.”
“Whatever,” Diane says. I knew she’d take it offensively, but I don’t mean it like that. She’s just simply had too much to drink.
“You want me to call a cab for you?” I offer.
“I’ll get an Uber,” she rolls her eyes and snatches her clutch before pushing off of the stool.
“You need help?” I ask her, but she makes a face and turns away from me.
“Hey, Diane.” God, I feel horrible. I turn in my seat, but she yells out, “I’m fine,” and keeps moving.
I try to shake off the feeling that I should go help Diane. I really don’t want to. She’s a grown woman… and kind of a bitch. The last thought makes me relax some as I sip my wine.
My anxiety comes back every time I eye the double doors. I keep my butt planted right where I am and wait for him.
It’s now or never. I guess I’m going with option 1 after all.
Time moves slowly as it ticks by. Maggie’s in and out and so is the other bartender, I forget his name. Customers start to dwindle and that sick feeling grows in my stomach. I check my phone here and there. Charlie knows I’m here. The feeling that he’s ignoring me is growing stronger. I shake out the tension and sip my wine. It’s practically room temperature now, but I don’t care. I had too many glasses before I came here anyway.
The bar grows quieter and quieter and time keeps going until my phone tells me it’s closing time. It’s just me and Maggie, although she’s in the back with Charlie now. I look around the empty bar and get the urge to go back there, but I don’t. He knows I’m here.
After a while, Charlie and Maggie both come back out front. Charlie sees me, and a little bit of a frown crosses his face.
“Hey, I got this,” he tells Maggie. Although he’s speaking to her, his eyes never leave mine. The way he says it makes my stomach turn.
Maggie slides me a questioning look. “Sure thing, boss.”
A few seconds later, the back door bangs shut as she heads out.
Charlie and I are alone.
“I’m supposed to be closing…” he says, walking around the bar. He sits on the barstool next to mine.
“I know. I just… I wanted to see you. Maybe I can help you close?”
He looks at me for a long second, then holds out his hand.
“Come here,” he says, pulling me closer to him. I feel the air change between us, and his expression shows something I’ve never seen before.
“You okay?” I ask him, suddenly feeling like he’s breaking up with me. Which is ridiculous, because there’s nothing to break up. Stupid girl. I knew this would happen. I just don’t want it to happen right now. I take it all back. I won’t pressure him for anything. Just don’t leave me Charlie.
“You like being with me?” he asks me, and I’m quick to nod my head.
“I really do, and-” my voice is tight as I prepare for the worst.
Before I can finish, he kisses me fiercely, spearing his hands in my long hair. His hands are everywhere, running down to touch my breasts, skimming around to touch my ass.
He breaks the kiss, breathing heavy. Oh thank God.
A smile full of relief is pressed against his lips as I kiss him again and again feeling as though each time brings me closer to telling him what I need. I pull his shirt off over his head, tossing it aside. He lets me. His eyes are clouded by something else and that tension is still present between us. I don’t stop though. I undo his belt, kissing down his body as I go, trying to show him how much I love being with him.
He inhales sharply, pulling at me not to go down on him.
I’m not about to let him stop me though, so I push against him with my body, and turn him so he’s the one facing the bar.