I shook my head, grinning.
“At least promise that I’ll be the first person you tell when you land somewhere.”
“Sorry, Earl, my mom, my girl, and her kid are going to be the first.” I winked at Delilah and her cheeks stained crimson.
“Could I trouble you for some water?” Delilah asked Earl.
“The glasses are over there,” he said, dismissing her. She rose from her chair, but I stopped her.
“I’ll get it for you,” I said.
“No, no, let me, son.” Earl slowly rose from his chair and walked over to the kitchen. I covered my mouth to hide my laughter at the deadpan expression on Delilah’s face. Moments later Earl returned with two glasses of water and a plate of cookies. He carefully set down the plate in front of me with a glass of water and then plopped Delilah’s glass in front of her.
“No, I didn’t want a cookie that I made,” she muttered under her breath. I shook my head and broke the cookie in half, passing her the larger piece.
She grinned and nibbled on it while listening to Earl and I chat a little more about baseball.
“Unfortunately, you aren’t my last stop today, Mr. Crane,” Delilah said as we stood at his front door a little while later.
“Fine, fine,” he said. “Can you keep bringing Gunner with you though?”
“That’s up to him.”
“I’ll stop by again and I promise, you’ll be the fourth person to know where I land,” I said as I brought my hand to Delilah’s back and urged her forward. I snagged her hand and entwined our fingers as we made our way back to her SUV.
“The next place is a little hidden, so I can drive,” Delilah said. I opened the driver’s door for her before getting into the passenger’s seat. She buckled in before turning toward me. “You didn’t have to come, you know.”
“I know. I like being with you and I like helping you.” Since I’d made it into the majors, almost everything in my life had been done for me. There wasn’t much I needed to worry about besides arriving at the field on time. I liked easing some of Delilah’s burdens.
She was one of the hardest workers I’d met, and if I could do something as little as helping her carry things, I was fucking doing it.
Delilah put her car in reverse and made a wide circle until we were pointed at Earl’s exit. I lay my hand on her headrest, and my fingers skimmed through her silky tresses. I was mesmerized by the copper and russet tones that played in the light and mixed with her dark brown hair. From just a glance, I hadn’t been able to tell there were so many colors in it, but now I was obsessed with touching it. My fingers always found their way to it, and I’d dreamed of wrapping my fist around her hair and…
My thoughts were broken as her ringtone blared through the speakers of her car. Colt’s name flashed on the navigation touch screen. She hit accept.
“Hey, big brother,” she said.
“Hey, D. Mind if I take Tuck for the night?”
“Sure,” Delilah said. “He’s at Mom’s right now, but I’m sure he’d love to spend some time with you. He’s delusional and thinks you’re cooler than his mom.”
Colt snorted. “Smart kid. I’ll swing by Mom’s. We’ll be by in the morning for breakfast.”
“I have tomorrow morning off.” Delilah flicked on the turn signal and rolled the car to a stop at the stop sign. The setting sun beat through the driver’s side window, and every reddish strand in her hair caught the light. I wasn’t paying a lick of attention to where we were going; I was mesmerized by the smiles Delilah sent me every few seconds.
“I’ll keep him until the afternoon, and you can enjoy your morning or get something done. Sound good?”
“Sure. Tell him I love him and give him a big kiss for me.”
Colt snorted again before hanging up the phone. Delilah’s eyes flicked to mine. “He’s been really worried about Tuck lately. I think he thinks Tuck will just up and disappear. He’s been stopping by more and more.”
“Are you worried?” I asked and squeezed her shoulder, trying to help relieve some of the tension.
“Yes,” she breathed. She shook her head and leaned forward slightly. “This part always confuses me. I turn down a dirt road, but they all look alike, and it doesn’t matter how many times I’ve been out here, I still question if I’m going down the right one. I think it’s this one though.”
I took in my surroundings for the first time and sucked in a breath. My chest tightened and my throat constricted. Flashes of memory plagued my mind, and the scent of burning flesh assaulted my nose.
Delilah kept driving down the bumpy dirt road, oblivious to the panic that was setting in. My hand curled into a fist and the burns on my arm felt alive with pain and melting flesh.
“Pull over,” I gritted out through my teeth. I swallowed, but it felt as if my throat was on fire.
“What?” Delilah said. She glanced at me and pulled to the side of the road. I got out of the car and stared into the field. I didn’t know what I’d expected to see ten years later. Burned bodies? The pile of logs that had collapsed on all of us, taking so many lives? And even those who’d survived weren’t all there anymore.
I know I wasn’t.
Part of me was still lying here in this fucking field.
There wasn’t even torched grass. Looking at this place it was like it’d never even happened. I didn’t know which would have been worse. That the Earth had grown and renewed itself, fixing its tarnished areas, erasing the memory, or if I had seen it as if it had happened yesterday.
In my mind, both were there. I could see it as if it were in front of me, and the images and memories from that night would never completely leave my mind. Declan’s dead fucking eyes haunted me. The sound of our melted skin stuck together and being torn apart after he saved me rang in my ears.
“Fuck.” My voice was gravel and sounded as rough as I felt. I ran a hand through my hair, and Delilah was slowly getting close enough that I could feel the heat of her body, but she didn’t touch me.
I didn’t know if I could handle her soft hands on me right now. That could make me break. I’d held it together for ten years, but in this moment I felt the pressure of everything.
I felt Dec’s loss like it had just happened and the guilt that had been eating at me and consuming my mind. And now, with Mom being sick, something I couldn’t control, it felt like a punishment for my failure to save Declan. We should’ve both gotten out.
The backs of my eyes burned. My jaw turned to granite, and the faint clicking of my molars gnashing together echoed in my ears.
Delilah had been brought into my life just as she’d been thrown into harm’s way. Hawk Valley had destroyed me, and now it was out to do it again.
“Gunner,” Delilah whispered. Her sweet voice pierced my heart. She took the last step toward me and wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her face against my spine. I put my fists on my hips and looked away, trying to regain control and push all the fucking emotions back into their damn box.
“Fuck.”
Out in the distance, small white crosses were set up in the field. I knew every name that was on them. I’d grown up with all of them. I’d walked across the graduation stage with them. And I’d gotten to keep living my life while one of them, my brother, had sacrificed his life so I could keep mine.