I’d never know what had gone through Declan’s head that night and why he’d decided to do what he did.
“Do you want to go over there?” Delilah asked so quietly I almost couldn’t hear her voice over the wind rustling the tall grass.
I nodded, grabbing her hand as we made the slow trek across the field. “Declan was my best friend, he was more like a brother than anything though. He played baseball too.”
I cleared my throat and felt the warmth of Delilah’s palm as she wrapped it around my forearm and squeezed my hand. My hand swallowed hers, but it was still the perfect fit.
“The night that I got my scars was the night we were supposed to leave for the draft. We were both rumored to be going high. He was a catcher with an incredible swing. He’d have been an All-Star, for sure.”
“How old were y’all?”
“Eighteen,” I said. “Right out of high school.”
Delilah whistled and leaned her head on my shoulder. “Impressive.”
“We had this saying,” I said and coughed. Each word felt as if sandpaper were coating my throat. “From cradle to grave. From sandbox to the pine box. From home plate to center field. I write those words on every piece of baseball equipment I own. All my bats, gloves, shoes. All of it.”
Delilah stayed silent, letting me take the walk and story at my own pace. “I couldn’t come back here after I lost him. He…he saved me.”
“He did?” Delilah whispered, and I felt a drop of wetness land against my shirt and stick to my skin.
“Yeah. He pushed me out of the way after I was hit on the head by a burning log and covered me with his own body. I’d been knocked out. I don’t know what happened, only that I woke up to his blank stare. I owe everything I have to him. He sacrificed himself for me, and it’s my fault he’s dead. I’ve never forgotten that, but…”
I choked on my words and swallowed past the lump in my throat. “But I couldn’t face coming home until my mom got sick. I’d never even visited his grave. I swear though. He’s with me every fucking day. Every day. I swear, Delilah. I don’t forget the people I love. He’s with me.”
“I know, Gunner. I know he is, baby. It’s not your fault. It’s not. Gunner, it’s not your fault and I didn’t know Declan, but I know he would never think that of you. I wish he were here with us, but I’ll forever be thankful for him saving you.”
I turned my head and kissed the top of Delilah’s, breathing in her sweet scent. Through the subtle hints of brown sugar, one of her favorite surprise ingredients, was a lighter floral scent that was all her. It was the most unique thing I’d ever smelled and was quickly becoming everything I’d ever wanted. I tried to let her words sink in and erase the guilt that consumed me, but I’d never be able to forgive myself for him dying instead of me. He should’ve run.
“He was always saving me though. Even before that, I just didn’t realize it. He was there when my dad died. He was there when Paige Masterson broke my heart. He was there when I almost quit baseball.”
“You almost quit baseball?”
I nodded. “I’ve never told anyone that. Except for Declan. I was having a bad month and knew scouts would be coming soon. I thought I would have to hang up my bat and part of me wanted to, wanted to get rid of the pressure. Declan knocked some sense into me and asked how badly I wanted this and how much I’d hate seeing him in the World Series while I sat on my ass at home. He got me fired up until I knew that desire to make it, make it happen, make every dream a reality, and do it all with my best friend was everything. The fire that burned in my soul and fueled my life.”
“I think I would’ve liked him,” she said.
“He would’ve loved you. I’m not…I’m not sure I should say this because it’s not my story to tell. This whole town lost something that night, even if their own kids were grown or weren’t there. It changed everything. It changed the fabric of our lives. I know he would’ve loved you because he loved Makenna. God, he was so obsessed with her. He loved her like he loved baseball. I never really got that, didn’t think I’d ever meet someone who could interest me as much as baseball, until I met you.”
“Makenna?” She gasped.
“They were together. Had been for a couple of years, she grew up with us. Everything changed when he died. Makenna refused to see me for a while. I don’t blame her though. It was hard for me to look at her and see her without him by her side. It still is.”
“Oh my god,” she whispered. “I had no idea.”
“Let her tell you in her own time.”
She nodded and pressed a kiss against my shoulder.
“I’ve never even said half this shit out loud,” I admitted as we came to a stop in front of the white cross markers. Third from the left was Declan’s name. Delilah brushed away a tear as we stood in front of his marker. A baseball was painted on the top, and a glove sat at the base.
“You are the first person outside of my family that knows the truth about Tuck. I didn’t expect to tell you. I’ve never believed in fate or things happening for a reason, but I think…I think that when we’ve encountered these things, it was meant to happen in the presence of each other. I’ve never trusted someone with all my demons, and I’m not sure why you’re still here with all the baggage I’m lugging around on a daily basis.”
I turned to her and embraced her, not even leaving enough space between our bodies for air to pass through. She tilted her head back and looked at me. I framed her face with my hands. “They aren’t demons. This is just you, and I want you as you are. I don’t think I can walk away from this.”
“Me either,” she whispered.
I kissed the tip of her nose. “Never hide who you are from me. I’ve only gained respect with everything you’ve shared.”
I kissed each cheek. “You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met.”
I kissed her forehead. “A fantastic mom even if your baseball skills are severely lacking.” She laughed and wrapped her fingers around my shirt.
I bent my head and kissed the side of her neck. “You’ve got a fantastic ass.”
I relished the feel of the vibration against my lips as I placed another kiss on her neck.
“You’re worth everything.”
And finally, I kissed her lips.
Chapter 26
Delilah
Gunner tucked me under his arm, and I melted into his side as we used the moonlight to guide us down our street. Nervous anticipation hummed in my belly. I wanted Gunner to stay the night, but I had to find the nerve to ask him.
Which seemed ridiculous. I’d bared my soul to this man, but asking if he’d like to stay over was too much for me?
I rolled my eyes at myself and huffed.
“What’s wrong?”
“Do you want to stay over?” I spat out the question before I could change my mind or convince myself it was too soon.
Gunner stepped in front of me to face me. “Why’d you make that annoyed sound before you asked?”
I shook my head. “I was nervous about asking.” It felt impossible to lie to him; every unfiltered thought came out freely.