“I’m sorry, Gunner. I need time.”
“This isn’t over, Delilah. This can’t be over. I’m giving you time because you think you need it. I only want to be by your side. And Tuck’s. I love you and I love him.” My voice was raw and laced with anger, need, and love.
“I’m sorry, Gunner,” she said and stood on her toes to kiss my cheek. I turned my head, planting my lips on hers, devouring her lips for maybe the last time. She returned the kiss just as fiercely, running her fingers through my hair. Her tears slid down her cheeks, hitting our locked lips until she pulled away.
“I’m sorry,” she said again before heading inside and shutting the door.
Chapter 37
Delilah
I brought a plate of cookies to the front registration desk and placed them on the counter. The booking software was open and my heart stalled.
Gunner had checked out.
He was gone. It was too early to leave for Spring Training, so I didn’t know where he was. I couldn’t imagine him curling his large body onto his mom’s love seat. She’d also go crazy with him hovering.
He cared so much.
My nose tickled with the oncoming emotions, but I shut it down before it could go further. I needed time. That’s all. Just to figure all this out and get my ducks in a row with Tucker. If Gunner ended up leaving us too, I knew I wouldn’t be able to cope and didn’t think Tuck would either. It was best to cut it off now. Cut it off now before I lost it all. Lost even more.
I glanced at my watch. It was time to leave to pick him up from school. Usually, Mom did it, but lately, I wanted to be the one to take him and pick him up. My kitchen staff was picking up a lot of my slack. I couldn’t stop myself though.
Every night before I went to bed, I walked around the cabin and tested the fire alarms to make sure they had batteries. Nothing had happened in the weeks since the fire, but I was on high alert and continuously wracked my brain for who wanted to harm us.
I gathered my keys and purse and headed to my vehicle. I scanned the lot looking for Gunner’s truck, even though I knew he was gone.
“Hey, bud,” I said when Tuck got into the SUV.
“Hey.”
He had been forlorn, but each day there were moments when I saw his smile poke through. It would take time, but we would get back to our routine and his spirits would come back. I wanted him to feel like a kid again instead of someone who had the weight of the world on his shoulders.
“How was school?”
“Did Shayla love me?”
I slammed on my brakes at a stop sign and turned around to face him. “What?”
“Did Shayla love me?” His eyes were focused on mine. I scanned his face, so similar to my own, but I saw Shayla there too. He still had bags under his eyes, and his shoulders were drooped instead of his usual confident stance.
I closed my eyes and opened them, staring at him until a car behind me honked. “Want a brownie sundae?”
He didn’t answer—and I didn’t expect him to—as I turned on Main and drove toward the ice cream parlor. He got out of the car after I parked and met me on the sidewalk.
We ordered our treats and sat at the table. Through each minute that passed, I wondered if I was equipped to handle this. I felt so out of my depth, but I knew my son needed me. It was why I’d pushed everything else away, right or wrong. It was instinctual to surround and cocoon Tuck.
“Yes, Tuck. She loved you. Shayla loved you a lot.”
“Why didn’t she stay?”
His spoon ran through the ice cream, pushing the sprinkles further into its depths. I assumed he meant when he was born, not now. It hadn’t been her choice to leave us now. I didn’t have the answers, but I though I knew. I had to surmise what I could from what I knew of her to give him some comfort. It wasn’t easy.
“When Shayla was a little older than you, her parents died. She came to live with us. She was already my best friend and cousin. During those years, though, she became my sister. We did everything together, and we totally tortured Colt,” I joked, hoping for even a ghost of a smile.
It didn’t happen.
“She had some troubles when we were teens and did things she shouldn’t have done.”
“Like what?” He peeked up, tilting his head.
I sighed. “She started using drugs and drinking. It led her down a bad path, one she had trouble leaving. When she had you, she did what she thought was best. And that was leaving you for me to raise. It was her most selfless act of love. She loved you,” I said. “She wasn’t in a good place when you were born, and it could’ve gone very differently. It took me a long time to realize that her leaving was the best thing for you. And for us. Maybe even for her. She wanted to be better.”
Tucker bit his lip and stared at me. His sprinkles slowly slid down the side of his melting ice cream, and his cherry had fallen to the table.
“She loved you,” I repeated. “Even if she was never there and never saw you. She did what she thought was best, and she did it for you.” I knew, deep down in my bones, that Shayla had left so I could care for him, because she knew she couldn’t.
His life could’ve been so different if she’d left the hospital with him. If he had been lost to us all this time too. There would never be a day when I didn’t thank Shayla for giving up Tuck.
“Am I adopted?”
“It’s complicated. I’m your guardian, but I was unable to adopt you when I wanted to because we couldn’t find Shayla. It would’ve needed her approval. We didn’t know where she was for a long time.”
“Can you adopt me now?”
“Yes. And I’m going to. I’ve already contacted the lawyers, and the process has started.”
“Good,” Tucker whispered. “If you marry Gunner, will he be my dad?”
I sidestepped the question but answered with honesty. It hurt hearing Gunner’s name. The pain sliced so deeply it robbed my lungs of their breath. I missed him. I wanted him with me. But I needed to focus on Tuck. “Anyone I marry would technically be your stepfather, yes. If that ever happens, they could adopt you, but we’d decide as a family.”
“I wouldn’t mind if Gunner was my dad.”
I pursed my lips and spoke in a shaky voice. “He would be a good father.”
“If you didn’t know where she was, how do you know she loved me?” Tucker asked, thankfully taking the conversation away from Gunner. I didn’t know how long I could talk about him without breaking down.
“Because I knew her, honey. She had a lot of trouble, but she was working on getting her life back on track.” I took the watch and sobriety chip from my pocket and pushed them across the table. Tucker picked up the chip.
“That’s a sobriety token,” I said. “When someone has an addiction, like Shayla, and they try to stop, they count the days. Shayla was thirty-five days sober when she saved you. She was getting sober so she could get to know you.”
“I wouldn’t have wanted to live with her,” he whispered before finally taking a bite of his melting ice cream.
“I know. I had that fear, but I know now that she only wanted to be a part of your life. That fear was why it took me so long to tell you the truth. I’m sorry, honey. I shouldn’t have waited. I should’ve been honest.”