I give the camera another Sunshine Salute and smile, then click off, and I quickly upload it with the simple caption of A message to all my Sunshiners. Love, Riley.
Now I just have one more thing I need to do . . . have that conversation with Noah.
Raffy barks, and I realize I do have other things to do. Like take my doggy for a walk so he can pee.
Chapter 27
Noah
N: I’m on my way over. Can we talk?
R: Yes! See you soon.
It was all I could do to not pour my heart out in the text I sent Riley today. It’s easier when it’s words on a screen somehow. But I don’t want or need easy. I want Riley.
I know she’s had a shitty twenty-four hours—from our fight to what Arielle tells me was a rough karaoke outing, to the gossipy social media stuff. I hate that I haven’t been by her side to help deal with it. Not that she needed me. She made that video post like the badass she is, sunshine and all. But I still want to support her.
And apologize. Because none of this ever would’ve happened if I’d had a regular conversation with Riley about the opportunity of a BlindDate sponsorship and reacted better when she said no. Those are my responsibilities in this argument. Riley has her own, and I hope she’s ready to talk about those too.
Sunshine. Moonlight.
She’s the brightness that’s burst through my chronic asshole-itis.
But she could reject me and my apology, decide I’m not worth the energy and effort if all I’m going to do is walk away.
No. Stop, I tell myself.
Those are not my feelings for Riley talking. Those are my fears from my childhood whispering in my mind, and I need to get beyond them if I’m going to be the man Riley deserves. So I take a deep breath and knock on her door, a little smile coming to my lips when I hear Raffy start barking.
“Raffy, hush!” Riley says on the other side of the door. “I got this!”
Raffy runs away, his nails sounding further and further away, and I wonder if Riley tossed him a snack to give her the space to open up. Probably. Food bribes work best with him.
The door opens, and my heart stops in my chest.
She’s so beautiful. So mine. I refuse to accept any other ending to this conversation.
Riley is wearing a blue dress that flares around her mid-thigh, her knee-high yellow socks, and yes, her white Doc Martens boots. There’s nothing about her outfit that says ‘usual’ or ‘standard’, and I suspect some people might even find it costume like. To me, it screams ‘Riley’ and all the things that make her uniquely who she is, and that’s what makes it so perfect on her.
“You look beautiful,” I tell her, my hands itching to hold her and my mouth watering to taste her. It hasn’t been long by way of a clock, but so much has happened, I feel like I’ve missed her with every cell in my body.
“Noah . . .” The longing is laced through the breathiness as she says my name. I think she’s missed me too, maybe even been just as paralyzed by fear as I’ve been. “Thank you. Come in.”
She holds the door wider, letting me pass her and enter into the living room.
“Do you want something to drink? I have . . . uhm, water or wine or . . .” Her words trail off like she doesn’t know what’s in her own refrigerator.
“You don’t have to play hostess.”
A tiny smile ghosts across her lips as she ducks her gaze to the floor. “I’m nervous,” she admits.
“Me too.” My own confession brings her eyes to mine. “Let’s sit down and talk. I think we both have a lot to say.”
We sit on the couch, a chasm yawning wide in the small foot of space between us.
“I’m sorry,” Riley blurts out, surprising me.
I planned to go first. But the change in plans doesn’t bother me the way it once would. I can adapt now. Riley taught me how to do that.
“I’m sorry too,” I say. “I love you.”
“Oh, my God, I love you too!” Riley exclaims. She throws herself at me, arms going around my neck in a tight hug with her head on my shoulder. It’s not heated, not a precursor to make-up sex. It’s simply relief and reassurance that this is real.
My hands wrap around her waist, and I hug her back just as tightly. I need to feel her against me, know that we’re going to repair the damage we’ve both done.
Words fail me, and I just hold her for a long minute until I feel a wet nose pushing against my ankle. I look down to see Raffy nosing at my pants leg. “Rowf!”
“I missed you too. Who’s my good boy?” I ask when Raffy shoves his way between our legs. I pet his head, scratching behind his ears before I tell him, “Let me talk to your mama for a few minutes, okay?”
He licks my hand affectionately, and Riley pets him absently too.
“Can we start over?” I ask when we meet eyes again. Riley nods, letting me speak. I gather my thoughts, all the practiced bits of speech that’ve been rolling through my mind all day. “We have a lot to unpack, but . . . I shouldn’t have sprung the whole BlindDate sponsorship on you like that. When Elisa first mentioned it, my automatic answer was no. I want you to know that.” Riley looks understanding, so I continue.
“But the more she talked about it, the better it sounded. BlindDate has been my focus for a long time now. I’ve put my heart and soul, blood, sweat, and tears into that app, all with the hope that with it, I would make something of myself while also helping people make connections. It means a lot to me. Fuck, until recently, BlindDate has meant everything to me. But I only wanted you to consider Elisa’s offer. I never wanted to pressure you. I know what Riley Sunshine means to you and how hard you’ve worked to create it from the ground up. It just seemed like the deal might be good for us both, and I got excited.”
“I do know how much BlindDate means to you, Noah,” Riley says as she takes my hands. “I didn’t mean to insult you or your work. I don’t think dating apps are for losers or anything awful like that. I should’ve never thought that, much less said it. It was my insecurity speaking—no, screaming at me—inside my heart.”
“I shouldn’t have walked away. No matter what you said or I said, that is something I said I’d never do. I won’t be like my dad, Riley. I promise you that.” The vow is weighted with significance, and I press my lips to the back of Riley’s hand to seal that promise.
“You’re nothing like him. He walked out and kept on walking, leaving behind his responsibilities and commitments without a look back. We had a fight, and even if you walked away for a moment, you’re showing up now to do the hardest work of all, to take responsibility, talk through the hard stuff, and forgive me for my mistakes too. You are nothing like your dad, Noah. I don’t even know him, but I know that. You are a good man.”
“That’s one I haven’t heard. I think most people see me as a cold, driven, workaholic asshole. Only you see me as good. But you see everything, everyone that way. That’s one of the things I love about you.”
Riley’s lips twist. “I’ve been doing some thinking on that too. I got so caught up in Riley Sunshine, that image of positivity, that I tried to maintain it at any cost. And the truth is . . . sometimes I’m lonely, or angry, or judgmental, and I shouldn’t gloss over that, pretending it doesn’t happen in favor of some false reality that doesn’t exist.”