“Great.” Knox quickly chews and swallows. “We haven’t seen you since the fundraiser. That’s strange for you.”
“Are you saying I’m an annoying neighbor?”
“A little.” He chuckles and then nudges my shoulder. “Seriously, dude, what’s up? Still bummed about Dottie?”
“Bummed? More like confused.” I drag my hand down my face, pausing to rub my eyes for a few seconds. “I don’t know, dude, am I being a fool here?”
“Want some honesty?”
“Yeah, I need something, because I’m drowning right now.”
“Okay.” He sits up and props one leg on the couch so he’s facing me. “What if I told you Dottie is moving back to California?”
“What?” I sit up, and potato skin flakes fly off my chest. “What do you mean she’s moving to California?”
“She’s leaving. She popped over to our apartment yesterday and told us the news. She resigned from her job at her dad’s company and is starting a company where she trains women to be their own boss. She’s excited about it, but she said it might be best to have a fresh start, so she’s going back to California.”
“But . . . what about you guys? The baby?”
Knox shrugs. “I honestly think it’s too painful for her to stay, be around everyone, around you.”
“That’s her own damn fault,” I say, even though it feels bitter passing by my lips.
“Yeah, I get where you’re coming from, man. When Emory broke up with me in college, I was fucking pissed. And then she left without saying bye. It was a tough pill to swallow. I didn’t want to talk to her even though I promised we’d always be friends. Every text I sent her was like swallowing a basketful of knives. I harbored that anger, held on to it for so long, and I punished her because of how angry I was. I said stupid shit, did stupid shit, because I wanted her to hurt as bad as I hurt, and do you know where that got me?”
“Where?”
“Eight years of being without my girl because of my stubborn ass. I still don’t agree with what she did, I still think she stole years from our lives of being together. But it forced me to sit back and reflect: did I want to be right? Or did I want to be happy?” He points to his chest and says, “I wanted to be happy. So I chose to forgive and forget, to move on, because we’re humans and we all make mistakes, even if there was intention behind those mistakes.”
“You think I’m being a fool?” I ask, Knox’s words sinking in with each breath I take.
“I think you’re a fool if you let her move back to California.” He sips his beer. “What do you want, Jason? Do you want to be happy? Or do you want to be right?”
Well . . . fuck. When he puts it like that?
I bite my bottom lip and groan. “I want to be happy . . . and I love her,” I answer wearily.
“Then be the great man I know you are; go to her and be happy. Be happy for the both of you.”
The thought of seeing her again turns my nerves inside out and in all honesty, I do want to be happy, but I’m also fucking terrified I’ll get hurt again.
Chapter Ninety-Five
DOTTIE
On a deep breath, I take in my office one last time. Security took my belongings to my car already, but I wanted to spend a few more moments in the office where I became my own.
This is where I held my first interview as the boss, searching for the right employee.
This is where I secured one of the biggest deals of my life, proving I belonged in this position.
This is where my dad held me tight and told me he was proud of the woman I’d become.
And this is where the love of my life walked in, flowers in hand, with a date in his back pocket.
This is where it all started, and it’s sad to say goodbye to it, but it’s for the best. I know my new venture will be more satisfying and less stressful. The money obviously won’t be as great, but that’s never been a big deal to me. I want to feel fulfilled. I don’t feel fulfilled in Chicago anymore. Yes, my friends are here and I’ll miss them dearly, but it’s too painful knowing Jason is right across the hall and can pop in anytime when I’m visiting them. And even worse, when the wisest woman on the planet makes Jason her man . . . I wouldn’t survive seeing that.
I’m the one who messed up, so I’m the one who should leave.
I give my desk a final once-over and then stand from my chair, just as a tall figure walks into my office.
I stumble back for a second, startled, until I realize it’s Jason. My heart sinks to my stomach, and my breath escapes me from the mere sight of him.
He’s so incredibly handsome.
Not sure if he did it on purpose, but he’s wearing the same thing he wore the first time he waltzed into my office, but this time, the smile he once had has disappeared and in its place is a blank stare, almost as if he doesn’t quite believe that he’s here.
Why is he here?
Hope blooms briefly, wondering if he’s here to make up, if he’s here to listen to my pleas again, or if he’s willing to give me one more chance.
“Hey,” he says gruffly, staring at the floor. “I uh, I heard you were leaving town.”
Cautiously, I walk toward him and stop a few feet away. With a nervous shake, I say, “Yeah, I leave in a few days.”
He nods and looks out toward the skyline. “You resigned?”
I can’t read him and it’s bothering me. Is he happy? Sad? Angry? It almost seems like his emotions were knocked loose from his heart and he’s just a shell of the man I used to know. I could use a hint to why he’s here, anything to ease my building anxiety, anything to help ease the excitement fighting to overtake that anxiety.
“Yes.” I link my hands together, forcing myself to avoid reaching out and touch him. “For many reasons, but happiness in my job being one of them.”
His lips twist to the side. “Knox told me.”
“I assumed. News seems to travel fast between our friends,” I say with an awkward chuckle. He doesn’t say anything. “How did the rest of the event go? Did you raise a lot of money?”
“Yeah.” He finally looks up at me. “Thank you. Not sure if I actually said that or not. But thank you for the donation. It’s going to make a giant difference . . . take us to the next level.”
“It was our pleasure,” I reply robotically.
He takes a step forward and my heart lurches in my throat. His gaze lifts, connects with mine, and I swear, in that moment I don’t breathe. Not for a second. Lungs stilled, heartbeat pounding in my ears, I hang in the balance as he takes one more step forward.
Skin tingling, emotions taut, I sway, despite trying to remain steady as my body trembles with anticipation of why he’s—
“Here,” he says, holding out a bag I didn’t see when he walked in. Then again, I was distracted by his eyes and the lack of expression on his face.
“What’s this?” I ask, taking the reusable bag from him. He sticks his hands in his pockets and rocks on his heels while his gaze returns to the floor.
Is he . . . retreating?
“Some of your things you left at my place.” My heart tumbles past my ribs and straight to the floor, taking on every cut and scrape along the way. He grips the back of his neck and takes another step back. “I uh . . . didn’t want you to leave without it.”