That had instantly put the girls on red alert, so I’d been screening worried calls from them for the past couple days.
I knew I was running out of time, that my reprieve would be coming to an end sooner or later, but until that time, I fully intended to nurse this broken heart and go full on emo.
Unfortunately, my time was cut shorter than I’d expected when someone began banging on my apartment door.
“Marin? I know you’re in there,” my big sister called thought the cheap wooden door. “Open up.”
“Do you think she’s really sick?” I heard another voice that sounded suspiciously like Mac ask.
A third voice answered. “Doubt it. Someone told me they saw her at Muffin Top just this morning, buying up two boxes worth of muffins.”
That was true. I’d hit Dani up earlier that morning, filling her in on my sob story so she’d feel sorry for me and make me all the muffins. They were mine, and I wasn’t sharing them with anyone.
“Go away,” I called out pathetically. “I’m extremely contagious. You could all die if you come in here.”
“Yeah?” Another voice called back. “What do you have?”
“Tuberculosis.” I deadpanned, then made a half-hearted attempt to cough.
“That’s it,” I heard Tali grumble. “I’m going in. This is ridiculous.”
A second later, I heard her key scrape in the lock and silently cursed myself for giving her a spare in case of emergencies.
At Layla’s, “Oh God. It’s even worse than I thought,” I tipped my head back, looking at my sister and the girls from the club as they moved, upside down, into my apartment.
“Hey guys. What’s up?”
Alma curled her nose up in offense and pointed. “Is that boxed wine?”
“It was buy one get two free,” I answered just as Eddie started do do doing through the speaker. “Hey!” I lifted my head just high enough to glare at Tali when she hit the power button and cut the speaker off. “That was my favorite part.”
“Sorry, babe. But I’m not gonna let you ruin Pearl Jam’s “Black” for me.” The room filled with silence as she headed over to me. “What the hell is going on, Mar? I’ve never seen you like this before. Did you really buy a dozen muffins?”
I briefly glanced at the one bakery box I had left. It was a foot from my head and now only held six maple bacon muffins “Yes. And before you get any ideas, I’ve already licked the ones that are left, so hands off or you’ll get my cooties.”
Sloane bent to pick up one of the wine boxes and gave it a little shake. “Oh, hell. How many of these have you polished off already?”
“Just that one,” I replied in a monotone voice. “And maybe half of another, but that’s been over the past two days.”
Layla looked at me with big, bewildered eyes. “How did the lining of your stomach not burn off after that?”
“The muffins soaked everything up.” That wasn’t quite true. I was feeling a little indigestion-y, but I wasn’t about to admit the boxed wine was a huge mistake.
Tali’s hand appeared in front of my face, her fingers wiggling as she ordered, “Come on, get off the floor already.”
I let her help me up, letting out a dramatic groan as I moved into sitting position for the first time in at least six hours. Man, I was pathetic.
“Now tell me what’s going on,” my sister insisted. “You’re a disaster.” She took in my stained sweats and ratty hair. “When’s the last time you washed your hair?”
I had to give that some thought. “What’s today?”
“Oh God,” Mac whispered.
“That’s it. Start talking,” Tali clipped. “You’re freaking me out.”
“There’s nothing to be freaked out about,” I muttered as I looked down at my ratty t-shirt, picking at a mysterious stain with my fingernail. “I’m fine.”
“You’re absolutely not,” Layla chimed in. “And for your sake, I hope like hell that stain is chocolate.”
“Is it cancer?” Alma asked, earning an elbow to the ribs, courtesy of Sloane. “Ow! Jeez! What was that for?”
Sloane gave her a hard look. “Cancer? Really?”
Alma shrugged. “Hey, it was a legitimate question. I mean, look at her.” She waved her hand at me like the state I was in said it all.
“I don’t have cancer,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “I’m just . . . sad.”
“If you went out in public this morning dressed like that, I’d say your more than just sad,” Mac insisted.
Tali plopped down on the floor beside me and placed her hand over mine, staring at me with concern. “Did something happen between you and Pierce?”
I leaned forward and snatched a muffin from the box, biting off a huge chunk and spitting crumbs everywhere as I replied sarcastically, “You mean other than him basically telling me he doesn’t love me and never will? Nope, nothing comes to mind.”
Everyone seemed to pull in a collective breath at the same time, sucking the oxygen from the room.
“He really said that?” Tali asked, her face going hard in that protective big sister way she tended to get when it came to me.
“Not in so many words, but that was the gist of it. He ended things because he said he couldn’t give me what I wanted, which, to him meant anything more than us just having a little fun.” I added finger quotes for good measure.
“That son of a bitch,” Layla clipped. “I have half a mind to go over and punch him right in the nads.”
I let out a sigh and leaned back against my couch. “Don’t do that,” I said softly. “It’s not his fault, really. I mean, he was up front about what we were before we even started.”
But even as I defended him, the words didn’t sit right, leaving a vile taste in my mouth. I knew it hadn’t all been in my head. How him touching me seemed almost compulsive, how I’d catch him looking at me with a warmth that stole my breath. I hadn’t made that up. The things he said and how he was with me, it was all there, clear as day.
He was just too big of a coward to grab hold of something that could make him happy. However, even thinking that, I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud. I couldn’t stand the thought of my friends, of my sister, looking at him in a negative light. As badly as he’d hurt me—and it was bad—he wasn’t a bad guy, and I wanted people to know that. God. What the hell was wrong with me?
“I’m so sorry.” Tali looped her arm around my shoulders and pulled me into her side. “I know it hurts now, but I promise, it’ll get better.”
My mask slipped then, and I lost hold of my tears. They came spilling out before I could stop them. “Are you sure?” I whispered brokenly, looking over at my big sister. “Because it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it will ever get better.”
Her eyes grew wide as she studied my expression. “You really did love him, didn’t you?”
I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that I’d never felt for another man what I felt for Pierce, that whenever he laughed or smiled, it made everything seem better. How, when he was inside me, I felt complete, like the one and only thing that had been missing from my life had finally snapped itself into place. I couldn’t say any of that, because voicing the truth would give it even more power than it already had, so I simply nodded.