Before I could utter a word, he said, “I want Tatiana dead.”
I titled my head, letting him speak.
“I want to throw her to the dogs and fall asleep to her screams. I want to break every single bone in her body until she’s a puppet to be controlled.” He took a deep breath. “She took from me, stole from me. There is no pain I could cause her that would satisfy the hatred I have for her, and yet, I crave being able to look out my window and see her head on a stick.”
I brought his hand to my lips, kissing softly. “She will pay for what she has done to our family, Kon.”
“I will not let you risk your life.” Such honesty, such pleading. The last time he had spoken like that to me was three years ago. In this very room. When I had said I wanted to leave, and he had begged me to stay. “There is only so much I can take, lyubimaya, and if anything befell you…”
“Do you think I love you any less?”
Kon’s nostrils flared. “No, no, of course not.”
“Do you think I am less intelligent than you? Less capable?”
“No. Never.”
“Don’t you trust me?”
He bent down, cupping my face between his palms. Our breaths mingled as our noses rubbed. I could see my reflection in the dark of his pupil, my entire expression vulnerable with love.
Is this how I look to him? I wondered. Do I look like I am in love? Am I now a creature of love, not one of apathy?
“I trust you more than I trust myself.”
I pressed my forehead to his. “Show me.”
Konstantin took my lips between his, kissing me softly. He tasted like tea and happiness.
I could do this for eternity, I thought. I could kiss this man for a thousand years, a million years.
My body wouldn’t last for another seventy at most, but I didn’t worry about the years yet to come. In that moment, I was tucked in a moment of time, drunk off the love Kon and I shared and the feel of his lips against mine.
“Show me,” I repeated as our lips separated.
“For the rest of our lives,” he promised.
27
Konstantin Tarkhanov
I woke up to a pair of green eyes.
“Can we go see loshadi?” Niko asked.
I lifted my head, spotting the clock. 5:09 am. To my left, Elena remained asleep, face peaceful as she dreamed. Niko had crawled onto the bed and was sitting beside me, hands in lap and face as sweet as he could make it.
“You don’t want to sleep?”
He shook his head vigorously. “Not tired.”
I glanced at Elena again. She had never been a great sleeper, and it was cruel to wake her up when it took so long for her to settle down enough to attempt sleep.
“Okay, let’s go see the loshadi.”
“Yay!”
“Quiet, my boy, we don’t want to wake your mother.”
He pressed a finger to his lips. “Shh.”
“That’s right. Shh.”
“Little voices, okay?” he whispered–his whisper wasn’t very well practiced, so he was speaking at normal volume but with a raspy voice.
We left before Elena stirred, even if I did have to grab some clothes and change in my study to keep Nikolai from waking her. His excitement was clear, his entire form vibrating with energy as I tried to get him into his clothes. He put up a fight when we got to his shoes.
“No, I do it.”
I held up my hands in surrender, watching him fiddle with the Velcro. “You’re welcome to do it.”
He struggled, taking much longer than if I had done it, but eventually he managed to make them stick. To show me, he wiggled his feet.
“Good boy. Coat next.”
Niko had a physical reaction to the idea of putting on a coat. “No coat!”
“You’ll be freezing if you don’t wear a coat,” I reasoned.
“Noo,” he whined. “No coat.”
“No coat.” I tucked it under my arm just in case. Chances were, he would need it eventually. Before the sun came up, the earth was so cold you could see our breath in the air. “Will you at least wear a hat? Your mother will not be pleased if I bring you back and you have icicles for hair.”
Niko touched his blond locks self-consciously. “Icicles?”
“Indeed, my boy. You might look like Father Frost.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want icy hair.”
“You’ll wear a beanie then?”
He didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t try and forcefully stop me as I pulled down the hat over his head. Niko soon discovered that whenever he jumped, the pompom on the top of the hat bounced. You could always count on toddlers to find odd ways to annoy the world around them.
I wasn’t bothered so long as he was somewhat protected from the cold.
Nikolai raced ahead as we made our way to the cars. Instead of going for the vehicle, he beelined for the garden path.
“It’s a long walk,” I warned him.
“Mama says it’s a secret way.” His tone implied I was an idiot for believing anything else. “The wizard lives here.”
“The wizard? Rifat?” I laughed. Niko peered up at me. “He is not a wizard, Nikolai. He works for me.”
Niko’s brows furrowed but he soon forgot about the topic when he spotted a squirrel. He moved fast, bolting toward it. I caught him inches before disaster.
“Squirrel!” he yelled in delight.
“Leave him alone. Just watch.” I crouched down beside him, pressing a finger to my lips. “Quiet now, or else you’ll frighten him.”
Niko copied me, bending his knees and eyeing the tree the squirrel had run up. A moment later, its bushy tail popped out, sending Niko jolting in excitement. He looked at me to make sure I had seen it, his mossy green eyes bright with wonder and delight.
Wind rustled through the trees, singing the dawn’s lullaby to the world as the sun rose over the horizon. If Nikolai was bothered by the cold, he didn’t show it–either because he couldn’t feel it or because he had his mother’s stubbornness. Both reasons were very likely.
The path crunched beneath our feet as we ventured farther. Niko kept straying from the path, interested in animals and logs to climb. I tried to keep him as close as possible, even if he insisted, his mother let him climb. Niko didn’t throw a tantrum, however, when I told him no. I imagined it was because he was used to hearing that word by now.
“Careful on that log, Niko,” I warned as he clambered over a fallen tree.
He jumped off, but as soon as my attention moved away from him, he leaped back onto it.
I shook my head.
Eventually, the forest opened, revealing the stretches of green paddocks and stable in the distance. I could see Odessa and Duchess in the small paddock, the mare grazing while the filly frolicked happily. Niko jumped in excitement.
“Can I pet now?” He clearly hadn’t forgotten my promise.
“You can. Let’s grab some carrots.”
Niko didn’t need my help. He knew where everything was; the stable hands had even taught him how to make the different feeds for the horses. To hold as many carrots as possible, he passed a handful to me.
Basil and Hilarion watched from the other paddocks as Niko climbed up the fence and offered the treats to the females. Odessa came over immediately, while Duchess hesitated. She wasn’t as used to humans yet as her mother was.