I lie there, feeling useless and frustrated and my seemingly endless state of paralysis. I want to wake up so bad and tell him to fuck off!
“Because guess what, princess? They already have a tip off that it was him, and with you as a witness, you will tell them that he kidnapped you and that those fine Matthews boys came to save you!”
What? Is he fucking serious? Still, he goes on unperturbed, but his voice is still shaky, rushed and not at all like it was when he was issuing out commandments for me.
“One way or the other John and his entire breed is going down! That little talkative one is already being suspected of arson. It won’t be long until evidence of that turns up, I assure you. Hell, the entire world has heard how much those boys hate the Matthews. The animosity has been well documented and now, one of them boys is dead? I wonder what you’ll think of that when you wake up.”
Just then, I hear the water running. Nicky must be coming back now.
“I will burn them all to hell if you don’t comply!” he whispers in a rush.
I lie there, almost reeling. I remember something Nancy told me before.
“Mia, a desperate man is a dangerous man.”
Was she warning me earlier on about Nathan? Trying to trigger my memory so I always stay on guard? Both my aunt and my mother have protected me. And now, I can see with perspective that they’ve gone through their own hell with their parents but through all that, they survived.
I have to survive.
I have to do my best.
So, when I hear Nicky walk back into the room, my mind starts racing.
What do I do now?
Chapter Twenty-Three
Julian
Mia.
When I fucking close my eyes, she’s all I see.
At first, she is full of life, smiling at me as she walks backwards into the crystal blue waters of Majorca, Spain and then as if a flip has been flipped, she’s suddenly lifeless in my arms.
And when I’m fucking wide awake like this, I torture myself with everything about her.
Her smile. Her beautiful melodic laugh. The way her body moves when she dances, when she’s under me. The way she tastes when I kiss her and then there’s the way I fucking failed her…
“Are you done with your anger toward me?” a voice speaks, jerking me back to my shitty reality.
I don’t say a word, I just stare at the ceiling that’s been my friend for the past two weeks.
“At least give us an expiration date to this useless silent treatment, sulk fest,” Cole mutters.
I glance at where he’s sitting in the chair by the window, watching me. He’s been looking fucking dreadful like he’s constipated for days and I haven’t been talking to the fucker.
“What do you want?” I demand.
“To explain.”
A growl rips out of my throat at those two words.
“Your fucking actions were explanation enough,” I growl.
“What the fuck did you expect me to do?” he demands, shooting up from the chair, looking agitated.
“Are you really fucking asking me that?”
“Well what else can I do?” he snaps. “How else will I get answers from a fucking rock like you?”
“Don’t get this twisted, you should be the one who’s giving me answers!”
“I already told you. I saw the cans of gasoline in the back of the van. When you rushed into the fucking warehouse, I grabbed them and poured that shit everywhere because I fucking knew that hellhole had to be set on fire.”
He was absolutely right about that part. I agree with this thinking so far.
“I’m not mad about that!”
“Mad? That would be an easy breezy day, Fitz! You’re not mad, you’re freaking manic in your fury. You refuse to sleep, You don’t eat and you should’ve been discharged by now—”
“I’m not walking out of her without her.”
“Do you even hear yourself?” he demands, a frown on his face. “You’ve been banned from seeing her. You have a fucking cop standing right outside your door. The only thing they haven’t done yet is handcuff your fucking arm to that bed.”
I’m sure that’s the next step in this hell, but I didn’t say that. Instead, I hold his gaze. A moment of silence passes between us, disappointment flaring in me.
“You only had one job to do,” I mutter, my voice sounding strained and hoarse, betraying the anger I’m trying to reign in so I don’t prove the know-it-all right.
“And I tried to do that job.
“No, you didn’t!” I snap, sitting up straight now. “If you had done what I asked, if you hadn’t delayed or freaking listened to her when she refused, she would be fine right now!”
“Julian—”
“She took a bullet that was meant for me!” I grit out. “Do you hear that? I knew what the fuck I was walking into. I knew those motherfuckers wanted me dead, I knew all that, but Mia jumped in front of me and took that fucking bullet in a burning building!”
“You were willing to die.”
“Yes, and you know what, I’d die a million deaths if it meant Mia would be safe, damn it! Don’t you get that?”
“I get it all right,” he mumbles after a while. “Just like I get how fucking stubborn both of you are. How you seem to get your way no matter what and how you don’t even think things through, you just dive headfirst and suffer later.”
Silence.
“Why didn’t you take her out.”
“Because of Kristine.”
“Who?” I ask, confused.
“The girl who was giving birth.”
I vaguely remember a baby crying, and someone screaming bloody murder, but everything zoned out the moment I stepped into that hellhole, I only had one objective. To kill them all for laying a fucking finger on Mia. Only they did much worse than that, things I don’t even know…
“I got in and found them at the back, with that girl lying in the floor, bleeding and Mia, the state she was in…” he trails off, but I know exactly what he means. “Both of them actually. I won’t fucking stand here and try to tough it out, I’m not a fucking a machine. It hit me.”
“Because it reminded you of your sister.”
“Don’t.” he grits out, but I don’t give a damn.
“Is it a lie?” I seethe. “You saw my Mia and it hit you harder than ever because the way she looked reminded you of your sister but fuck man, did that cloud your mind on what you had to do?”
“Fuck you, J!” he snaps. “I did what I could. There was a premature baby on its way and fuck me if Mia doesn’t have a fucking big heart. Nothing I said was going to stop her from helping her friend.”
I know he’s right. I know that Mia can’t be swayed, especially when she’s sets her mind to do something. Cole sighs, then he sits back down in the chair, a frustrated sigh leaving him like a deflating balloon.
“With all that danger man, all that blood and the way that girl looked on the floor, Mia didn’t even flinch. She just got down to help and encouraged and I just…” He looks at me now. “I had a brief flashback of when my sister was born.”