I set the case on a table and began the work of taking out and tuning the instrument. “I need you to tell me what to play.”
Brody’s brows rose. “That defeats half the purpose. The music you choose is part of the art, isn’t it?”
“It’s too much pressure.”
Brody came around from his easel and took my shoulders in his hands. “Breathe, Shay. Just breathe.” I followed his inhale and exhale. It wasn’t that my breathing was out of control, it was my mind. “Close your eyes.” I did as he instructed. “Picture yourself in your happiest place.”
“Here. On the beach. Watching the tide roll in. Or the waves when the sea gets rough.”
“Hmmmm.” Brody’s hand tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering there. “If you could picture yourself there, playing your violin, what would you be wearing?”
“A parka if it’s as cold as it is today.”
Brody squeezed the back of my neck. “It’s whatever temperature you want it to be. And this is your dream outfit. No parkas allowed.”
I grumbled something not-so-nice under my breath but kept my eyes closed. “A gown. One that’s sort of gauzy so it flows in the breeze. But I’d still want my boots.”
Brody chuckled. “Now, hold that picture. What would you be playing?”
“Hallelujah.” My answer was instant, just tumbled right out. My eyes opened, meeting Brody’s dark and swirling ones.
“Then play.”
I slowly raised my violin and bow and started to play. I was a bit self-conscious at first, watching Brody move out of the corner of my eye. He seemed to be sketching on the canvas. Not a lot of lines but some. Soon, he opened a window near me and pulled on latex gloves and a mask, reaching for a can of spray paint. The rattle of the little ball inside the can, the whoosh of the spray being released, added a sort of percussion to the music from my violin.
I let my eyes fall closed, getting lost in the music. It was my favorite high, when the world ceased to exist around me, and the only thing I could feel was my fingers on the strings and the pull of the bow. I played Hallelujah over and over, giving myself over to the peaks and valleys, hearing a whisper of the words along with the notes.
I had no idea how long I played, how many rounds from start to finish. The burn in my shoulder finally brought me out of my haze, a hot zing of pain that drove away my high. My playing faltered, and I had to lower the violin. I winced at the movement.
Brody was in front of me in a flash. “What’s wrong? Your shoulder?”
His hand reached out, gently caressing the skin through my long-sleeved t-shirt before I could stop him. I knew the second he felt that something was off. Noted the twisted and raised skin. He couldn’t have gone for the shoulder that was unmarred, he had to know it was this one that felt as if hot lava had been poured into the joint.
Slowly, as if giving me a chance to stop him, he tugged my shirt to the side. The V-neck collar allowed him to reveal my shoulder. He sucked in a sharp breath as he took in my skin. I couldn’t look at his face or my flesh. I knew what I’d see in both. Disgust and pity. Skin that would never be normal again.
Rough hands cupped my face, forcing my gaze to Brody’s. “I’m so sorry.”
I tried to shrug, but the pain was too strong. “It was a long time ago.”
His thumbs traced paths across my cheeks. “But you still carry it with you.”
My jaw clenched. “Wouldn’t you? Every time you felt the fire in your arm. Every time you had to see the ugly, ripped-up skin on your body?”
Brody’s hands gripped me a little bit harder. “Not one thing about you is ugly. The only thing those scars prove is that you can walk through fire and survive. I can’t think of anything more beautiful than that.”
My pulse thrummed in my neck, and blood roared in my ears as he held me captive within those dark depths. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t even look away. Brody leaned closer, moving millimeter by millimeter until he was just a breath away. He gave me all the time in the world to retreat, but I didn’t. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to feel his lips on mine.
I closed the final distance. Demolished the last barrier I’d been so determined to keep intact. None of the reasons seemed to matter in the moment. Nothing mattered except Brody and me.
One of his hands slid down my neck, slipping under my fall of hair as our lips met. Everything about the contact was a jolt to the system. A beautiful juxtaposition of all that was Brody and me. Gentle yet strong. Hungry yet tender.
I lost myself in his kiss the same way I disappeared into my music—instantly and all-consumed. We found that same exploration, too. The slow builds and beautifully desperate spirals down. It was a composition I wanted to play forever.
Too soon, I was coming out of it, reality breaking in as Brody’s foot knocked over a can of paint. I pulled back, breathless. “Wait.” I placed a hand on his chest. “I need a minute. To get my head together and—hell. I told myself I wasn’t going to do that.”
Brody smirked. “I told myself the same. But sometimes, life makes other plans.”
Dumb, dumb, dumb. It was all I could think as I stared into Brody’s gorgeous face. The list of things that could go wrong if we moved into this shift in our relationship was endless. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. Can we just pretend this never happened?”
Just saying the words aloud had pain sifting through my chest. I waited for Brody’s anger. Instead, he simply smiled at me. “I’m afraid that’s impossible. And if you’re honest with yourself, you know that’s true. There’s something between us. It pulled at me from the second I got off that boat. A strand of something, weaving us together. And I’m not cutting that cord. And you could try, but I don’t think it would work.”
But I had to. For so many reasons. My safety. What Michael could do to Brody if he knew he was important to me. And because I was terrified. Of letting someone in. Of being laid bare in every way to them. So, I did what any self-respecting wimp would do. I bolted.
21
Shay
I was a pansy. A total and complete wuss. A branch smacked me in the face as I moved through the woods. I deserved it. The price for doing everything humanly possible to avoid Brody for the past five days. Right now, I was trampling a new trail through the woods to avoid the well-worn path that could be seen from the main house. Idiot. Another branch poked at my side as if to agree.
But I needed that distance. Desperately. Because the more time I spent with Brody nearby, the harder it would be to resist that pull. I started getting up even earlier. Feeding the chickens and getting in a workout before Brody would ever consider leaving his bed. I came up with excuses to avoid having meals together, and I certainly didn’t want him with me while I went into town.
I broke through the tree line and startled a curse out of Hunter. He whirled on me. “Where the hell did you come from?”
“Sorry. I was, uh, just trying a new way down to the water.”
Hunter’s lips twitched. “Still avoiding Brody, huh?”
I gripped the cuff of my sleeve, tugging it down. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”