Growl was still watching me. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been lost in my thoughts and I hoped my face hadn’t given away too much of my inner turmoil. “This doesn’t concern me anymore,” I said. “It’s not like I’m still part of their circle.”
“Why would you say that?”
Was he serious? “Oh come on. Even you must realize what’s going on in our society. Even if you don’t care about any of it. There are rules. And I was as good as exiled.”
“Because you’re with me.” Was there hurt in his voice? His constant growl made it even harder to hear the nuances of his emotions.
I pursed my lips. Had I offended him? “With you?” I asked curiously. “You make it sound like we’re a couple when I’m only your gift.”
Growl nodded. “You were. But now that you’re mine, you have the same status that I have.”
“That’s not true,” I said, frustrated at his lack of understanding. Did he really think that any part of the life I’d had before could survive? I had made the best of my fate but that didn’t mean I’d have chosen it.
Growl looked as frustrated as I felt but I didn’t care. I didn’t have the energy to explain anything to him. Sometimes his deficiency to grasp human relationships drove me insane.
“Maybe you aren’t as special as you were before,” Growl said, the word special like a curse from his lips. “But you are part of this world.”
I glared at the counter. “I don’t want to be part of this world anymore.”
“That’s not up to you. We’re invited to Cosimo’s and your friend’s engagement party,” Growl said.
My breath hitched and my eyes flew up to look at Growl. “You can’t be serious.”
He stared. He obviously wasn’t joking.
“I’m not going,” I said, my voice shaking. Coco trotted toward me and rested her head on my knee. I put my palm atop her soft head but it didn’t manage to calm me. Even Bandit had come from the living room to watch me with curious eyes.
“Yes, you are. Falcone wants us there, so we will be there.”
“I don’t care what he wants. I hate him. And he only wants to humiliate me anyway. Everyone knows that Cosimo was my fiancé and that Anastasia is…was my friend. They will all laugh at me.”
I could only imagine the humiliation I would be subjected to. I didn’t think I could stand it.
“Nobody will laugh at you when I’m at your side,” he said in a low voice. His expression was deadly, a threat but not to me.
I paused. “Why do you even care?”
“You’re mine, and I won’t let anyone talk shit about something that belongs to me.”
Of course. It was an ego thing. He didn’t care about me. He only wanted to make sure people showed him the necessary respect and that included respecting his belongings. I wanted to scream in frustration but I bit it back. This party was my chance to ask my friends for help. We’d known each other practically all our lives. Now that Growl had made it clear that he wouldn’t help me against Falcone, they were probably my last chance.
* * *
I’d dreaded this day since Growl had told me two days ago, but I promised myself to hold my head high. I was stronger than I used to be. I would get through this party. I no longer needed my friends’ approval, or anyone’s for that matter.
Growl stood in the living room, tugging at his white dress-shirt collar with one hand while a tie tangled from the other.
It was obvious how uncomfortable he felt dressed up like that. It wasn’t who he was. Putting him in a suit was like putting a tiger in a cage. On Falcone’s party he’d hid his discomfort behind a mask of indifference but now in a moment where he thought himself alone, his defenses were down. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen a glimpse of something human. It was disconcerting because I didn’t want to see him as anything but a monster. It made things easier. I didn’t want to risk actually hoping for something that was absolutely unrealistic.
Growl put his tie around his neck and then fumbled for a minute with both ends until he made a sound of frustration and threw the tie on the ground. That was probably why he hadn’t worn a tie at the last party. A small smile tugged at my lips and I stepped forward. “Do you need help?”
Growl’s eyes darted toward me, looking caught. Then they slowly slid down the length of me. Only moments before I’d felt bad because the dress wasn’t new, because everyone would knew I’d worn it before, but now, with the way Growl was looking at me that suddenly didn’t matter anymore.
I quickly looked away, scared about the way his expression mattered to me, and pointed at the tie on the ground.
“Can you do a tie?” he asked with a hint of surprise.
“Of course,” I said as I walked toward him. His eyes followed every move. I often had trouble reading his expressions, but now there was no need for guessing: lust and appreciation. It sent a thrill through my body.
“You look like a lady,” he rasped.
Growl
Her movements were pure grace. There was nothing mundane, nothing cheap about Cara. She was a girl born to be a princess and now she’d been degraded to being a mere servant. Maybe Falcone had wanted to take everything from her, but this, her upbringing, her beauty and grace, that he couldn’t take from her. Perhaps he’d hoped I would break her so irrevocably that she’d become someone else, that she’d lose that part of herself. But I wouldn’t do that.
I was a monster. Would always be. But I could appreciate something precious, something as valuable as Cara, and I would never destroy it. I wasn’t good, there was nothing gray about me. I was all black but I was trying to be good to her. Never as good as she deserved but as good as I was capable of. It wasn’t enough, I realized it every day. I would never be enough.
She picked up the tie and stepped close to me, her sweet, flowery scent filling my nose and making me want to bury my face in her long brown hair.
Her long, elegant fingers nimbly tied the knot. Fingers meant to hold breakable glasses of Champagne and be decorated by only the finest jewelry.
She smoothed down the tie once she was done. There was no hesitation or fumbling. She was made to be the wife of a man who wore suits every day. I sometimes caught myself wondering if she’d imagined being Cosimo’s wife, of tying his knot in the morning and greeting him with a kiss when he returned in the evening. She admired her work, then peered up at me with her blue eyes. “Done.”
I’d never felt less worthy than in that moment. The dress she wore was perfection on her, as if it had been made for her. She was made for cocktail parties and elegant soirees. I was made for dingy pubs and dark-alley clubs.
Our paths would have never crossed if it weren’t for Falcone’s vengefulness. Cara’s suffering had led to the most precious thing in my life, and still I couldn’t regret it. I was selfish. I was glad I’d been given the chance to have someone like her.
I peered down at my watch. “We need to leave.”
Cara tapped a finger against the glass of my watch. “I wouldn’t have pegged you as the Rolex wearing kind,” she said curiously.