“Mr. North,” Mrs. Miller’s voice comes through over the speaker on my desk phone. I’ve had my door shut for days and told her only to come in when invited. Mostly to protect her from a potential verbal assault, or worse, an unwarranted firing. I’ve been on edge since I last saw Jordan, more than I ever have been before. And with each passing day without her, I feel more on the verge of snapping. Because of that, it’s best that I avoid human interaction.
“What!”
“Hayes is on his way up to see you.”
“No. I’m busy.”
She clears her throat. “Sir, he’s just dropping off some paperwork you requested?”
I lift my eyes from my design and stare at the opaque glass wall. Was it only weeks ago I had Jordan pressed against that wall, my mouth on hers while she fell apart in my arms? The empty ache inside me throbs at all I had—and all I lost.
“He can leave them with you.”
“Yes, sir. I’ll let him know.”
I go back to designing and curse Hayes for pulling away my attention because all it does is make me think of her.
I’ve asked that no one speak her name around me and told James I want no updates other than to let me know when it’s okay for me to return home. Every time my phone rings, I fear it’ll be him telling me she’s gone. The only good thing I have to hold onto is the knowledge that she still occupies my home. Although it’s impossible for us to be together, I wish she could stay in my space forever.
“Are you kidding me?” I hear Hayes say from outside my door. His fist pounds on the glass. “Open up, asshole!”
“No.”
“Come on, Alex. You can’t stay locked in your office forever. Life goes on.”
I can if I want to.
“You’re being a child.”
Can’t argue that.
“Open the door, or I’ll have maintenance open it for me.”
I shove away from my desk and flip the lock.
He walks in as I stomp back to my desk. I’m glad he’s behind me because if I see him, I’ll want to slap the smug look off his stupid face.
“Are you living here?”
I don’t respond because he can clearly see the pillow and blanket on the couch.
“You know you could get a hotel or—”
“I like it here. It’s quiet, and I can work.”
“Are you getting any sleep?”
“Enough.”
The sound of a file drops onto my desk. “Here’s the final escrow paperwork for that property in Tribeca.”
I lift my eyes only enough to stare at the file.
“What’s it for?” He eyes me with what feels like laser vision, as if he’s trying to read my mind. “I know it’s not housing because of the zoning.”
I can’t take my eyes off the file. The property is the perfect size and location, right on the Hudson. I paid well over the asking price.
“Alex!”
My gaze snaps to his. “Don’t worry about it.”
“I am worried. You’re giving off some serious Howard Hughes vibes. We’ve got some big jobs in the works, and you can’t afford to lose your shit now.”
“I’m fine,” I say through clenched teeth, and anger surges in my gut. “If you’d leave me alone, I’d get some work done!”
He barely blinks at my outburst. “Right.” His eyes tighten. “Maybe a long weekend in the mountains might help.”
The mention of the cabin makes my head swirl with images of Jordan. Her card games and snowballs. Her constant questions and triumphant smile when she’d provoke me to respond. Her soft breathing as she slept, and her naked body as she clung to me—fuck. She’s infiltrated my safest space, and there’s no getting rid of her.
My phone buzzes on my desk. “Mr. North—”
“Not now!”
“Alex, calm down.” Hayes jumps up from his seat and doubles over the phone. “What is it, Diana.” He dares me with his eyes to bark at him, and I want to. Any excuse to work out this painful shit in my chest, to hurt someone so I won’t be alone in this agony. Maybe then, I’ll get some relief.
“James just called.”
My heart stops beating.
“She’s gone, sir.”
Hayes’ eyes widen.
My hands grip the edge of my desk.
“Oh shit.” He darts to the far end of the office.
With a primal roar, I flip the mahogany on its side and send computer monitors crashing to the floor. I pick up my chair and hurl it into the glass wall. The glass splinters with an unsatisfying thud. I toss the couch, the coffee table, and every lamp until the only thing left to toss is my brother.
“You done?”
I prowl toward him. “There’s nothing left to throw.”
Fear colors his expression. “What? No—dude, back the hell up.”
My hands fist at my sides. He lifts his arms, prepared to defend himself.
“Hayes,” I growl. “Have Murphy ready the chopper. I need to get the fuck out of here.”
Twenty-Seven
Jordan
I have never been on a private jet before, and it’s everything I imagined it would be and more. There are six of us in total—Billy, chefs Robby and Anna, his business partner Trent, as well as Juliana, who is the project manager of the build.
“This is epic,” Robby says as he sips champagne and stares at the plush interior of the jet. “I feel like P-Diddy.”
I embrace the moment, the break from the last few days of crippling sadness, and down half a glass of champagne. The expensive bubbles go straight to my head and make it easier to convince myself that leaving is the right thing to do.
My mom couldn’t love me.
Lincoln couldn’t love me.
Alexander can’t love me and refuses to even try.
The opportunity with Billy in Arizona is me doing what is best for me. If no one else will love me, then the least I can do is love myself.
This was my internal mantra as I packed up my clothes and erased myself from Alexander’s penthouse.
I watch out the window as our baggage is loaded into the cargo hold.
“To new beginnings.” Billy takes the seat next to mine and toasts my glass with his own.
“New beginnings.” I sip to hide my frown.
“Hey,” he leans in, and I can feel his breath against my ear. “There’s something I want to show you.” He digs into the pocket of his coat and pulls out a black velvet box the size of a deck of cards. He pops the top, and inside is the diamond tennis bracelet he bid on at the charity auction. “We won.”
My stomach sinks as he reaches for my hand and secures the bracelet around my wrist.
His gaze lifts to settle on my face. “Beautiful,” he says softly.
“Billy, this feels wrong.” As if he’s just secured a manacle on my wrist.
“Taking a risk often does.”
His words brush against a truth that rings through my soul, but I can’t put my finger on exactly why.
“Hey,” Billy says, calling me from my thoughts. “It’s just a bracelet. Don’t overthink it.” He winks. “I tried it on myself, but it looked stupid on me. Consider it a signing bonus.” He rocks his shoulder into mine. “Hey, Anna! What was the bet on how long it would take to get to Arizona?”