The fact I’m experiencing this with her is the best high I’ll ever get.
I pull over to the curb, and she gets in before I have the chance to jump out and open the door for her.
She shyly tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “Hey.”
“Hey, babe.” I cup her cheeks between my hands and brush my lips against hers. “You ready to do this?”
She eagerly nods and buckles her seat belt. “I am so ready.”
The doctor’s office is on the second floor of a small medical building.
Elevator music plays in the waiting room while Grace and I sit side by side. My knee is bouncing up and down to the beat while we wait for her name to be called. Two other couples and a woman are in the waiting room. One couple is going back and forth about baby names, the other a grocery list, while the woman is on her phone. No one is paying attention to us, but in the back of my mind, I wonder if they think I’m the father of Grace’s baby.
With a light laugh, she rests her hand on my thigh, calming it. “I think you’re more nervous than I am.”
I swallow. “I think you might be right.”
She starts to reply, but a nurse interrupts, “Grace Mitchell.”
We stand, and I ball up my fist, stopping myself from grabbing Grace’s hand. This isn’t something normal for us, and I’m not sure what to do. We’ve held hands aplenty, but for some reason, this moment feels different.
I stand to the side as the nurse takes Grace’s weight and blood pressure before leading us into a room. Grace sits on the exam table while answering the nurse’s questions. As soon as the nurse leaves, I scoot my chair as close to Grace as possible. Before we can make conversation, my gaze whips to the door at the sound of a knock.
“Come in,” Grace calls out.
The ultrasound tech walks in with an eager smile. “Hi, guys! My name is Sylvia, and I’ll be doing your ultrasound. Today’s the day we’ll learn the sex of the baby. Is that something you’d like to know?”
Grace tucks a curl of hair behind her ear. “I’m so ready for it.”
Grace’s attitude toward being pregnant is changing. At first, it was shock and almost dread of keeping the secret and feeling alone. As time has passed, she’s been growing more comfortable with the idea of becoming a mother. Some days, she pulls up her shirt to show off how fast her belly is growing. She recites excerpts of the baby books she’s been reading. It’s no longer fear. It’s excitement. Sure, I see the nervousness in her eyes at times, but that never beats out how breathtaking it is to watch her face light up while she talks about having a baby.
As far as the sex, she hasn’t told me what she wants. Our friends have asked a few times, but she always tells them it doesn’t matter to her. No matter what, I know the baby will be loved by Grace like no other.
The redheaded tech’s attention turns to me.
“This is Finn,” Grace bursts out as if feeling the need to define who I am.
She pauses, her mouth opening, and I can see the wheels turning in her head as to what to introduce me as.
I straighten in my chair. “I’m the father.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Grace
“It’s a girl!” Finn shouts again when we get into his car. He grabs my face and kisses me. “We’re having a girl!”
It’s been an emotional day.
Before leaving the school, Gavin questioned where I was going.
To which I told him none of his damn business.
Finn then introduced himself as the father of my baby.
I nearly collapsed when he did, but it created a moment of relief.
And we found out the sex.
“A girl,” I squeal against his lips.
As the last word leaves my mouth, I feel his smile drop against it. He pulls away and grimaces as if he’d been slapped in the face.
With wide eyes, he says, “I mean … you’re having a girl.” All excitement in his tone has vanished.
Each word said with sadness.
His face is unreadable.
But I know what he’s thinking.
Why he corrected himself.
We’re not having a girl. I am.
This isn’t his baby.
As fun as it’s been to pretend, reality is here.
Her father is a man I despise—one inferior to the one next to me.
Her father isn’t the one who nearly jumped out of his seat in excitement when the tech delivered the good news. It tears me up that I did this to my baby. I should’ve been smarter about who I slept with, but in the end, I’ll never regret having her.
Is the timing wrong? Yes.
Is it with the wrong person? Yes.
But how can I regret something I already love so much?
I could ask Finn to step up, but it’s unfair to put that weight on him. We’ve only been dating a short time, and this is the first serious relationship he’s ever been in. Everything is great now, but throw in the responsibilities of a newborn later, and he might realize it’s not what he wants.
Finn clears his throat and shakes his head as he braces his hands against the steering wheel. “Sorry, I guess I got in a little over my head.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “I don’t know what that little girl will be to me, Grace.”
I hunch my shoulders forward and sit in silence.
“I just don’t want to get attached.” He withdraws his hands from the steering wheel, and they fall limp in his lap.
I swallow, struggling for words.
This is a Finn I’ve never seen before—a broken, confused man.
All because of me.
I caused this.
My ribs suddenly feel too tight as my heart hammers against it.
“I don’t want to get too attached,” Finn says, staring ahead. “And then lose everything.”
Tears pool in my eyes. “I’m sorry I put you in this position.” I shrink into my seat. “It was unfair and selfish of me to do so. I’m truly sorry. If I could take it back, I would.”
He whips his attention to me, his face twisting in betrayal. “Take back our relationship? The time we’ve spent together?” He gestures between us. “I’m confused and hurt that you said you’d take back what the hell we’ve created here.” His lower lip trembles. “I’m already confused because I’m falling so hard for you, growing so attached to not only you but also to the little one who’ll soon be in this world.”
I stare at him with intent. “What … what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I want to be just as much in her world as yours.” His statement is said with complete certainty.
“You say that now, but what about when she’s born?” My chest hitches. “It’ll be different … overwhelming. It’s a lot to ask of someone. What if you wake up in the morning and decide you no longer want that responsibility?”
“That won’t happen,” he rushes out.
“Your life can change. You could meet someone else—”
He stills. “Meet someone? Like another woman?”
I nod, sniffling back tears as my chin trembles.
“Fuck that,” he enunciates each word. “I don’t want another woman. Have you seen me open up myself with another woman like I have with you? Hell, I moved in with you.” He smacks his hands together with each point he makes. “I’m here for you through your pregnancy because it’s you. I don’t want another woman. My feelings, my love, for you and the baby will never change.”