“Whatever you say, Harvard,” Arune said doubtfully. “At some point, though, I don’t know if it matters whether you’re thoughtless or mean. The results stay the same. I’m just worried he’ll hurt you. Like he hurts everyone else.”
It hurt Harvard that he knew what it was like to kiss Aiden. Back at Kings Row, Aiden had kissed Harvard until his senses reeled and the world tipped into nonsense. Harvard had never kissed anyone but Aiden, and to Aiden, a kiss meant nothing. His best friend hurting him on purpose had never seemed like a possibility… until now. But now Harvard was hurt and Arune was right; Harvard was just like everyone else.
Looking back on it, Aiden had been careful when they’d embarked on their ill-advised fake-dating plan. He’d made sure to check in that everything was okay with Harvard, that Harvard wouldn’t be alarmed when everything was new to him. He hadn’t acted as if Harvard were an idiot for being overwhelmed by Aiden and not knowing what to do. Even though Aiden must have thought the whole plan was stupid and pathetic, he’d been kind.
Well. Harvard knew what Aiden really thought now.
A kiss is nothing.
That wasn’t true for Harvard. Still, he had to accept it was true for Aiden, no matter how much of a lie it seemed. He felt as if he’d lost sight of his best friend somehow, but perhaps he’d never seen him clearly in the first place. He shouldn’t be angry with Aiden for being the person he’d always been. It wasn’t Aiden’s fault if Harvard had imagined Aiden as someone he wasn’t. It wasn’t Aiden’s problem if Harvard had made up someone to fall in love with. That was Harvard’s responsibility.
Another thing Harvard was responsible for was his team, and he could see Eugene wilting with tiredness across the way.
“Sorry, I see something I should take care of,” he told Arune.
“Classic Harvard,” said Arune as Harvard walked off.
Eugene was sitting in a chair, swaying slightly with fatigue as Melodie, Bastien, and Marcel danced around the chair in a circle. Even aloof Marcel was looking cheerful. Bastien spun Melodie around so that her long blond hair spun out like ribbons and she laughed. Harvard liked Bastien well enough when he was with his friends. When Harvard thought of Bastien humiliating Nicholas, though, or Bastien with Aiden, it was different.
With an effort, he smiled at everyone as he said he’d come to force Eugene to bed.
Bastien didn’t smile back. “Did you and your friend Aiden disappear into the trees earlier?”
Harvard raised an eyebrow. “That’s none of your business.”
Aiden was none of this guy’s business. Harvard had always hated the guys who got jealous and possessive about Aiden. He’d never wanted to be like them. But he was the one who had been jealous earlier. He was no better than Bastien.
“Did you see my match earlier?” asked Bastien with a slight sneer. “What did you think of it?”
Maybe he was a little better than Bastien.
“I did see your match,” said Harvard. “I didn’t think much of it.”
He let his tone say, very clearly, I don’t think much of you.
Bastien’s lip curled. “Nicholas wasn’t much of a challenge. None of you Kings Row boys would be, besides Seiji. That’s clear.”
“Excuse me?” said Harvard.
Bastien’s voice was loud enough that others were listening by now. Even the coaches and trainers, talking in a knot over in the far corner, turned around to see the source of the dispute. “I heard you’re the captain of the Kings Row team. The worst team Camp Menton has ever seen. Must be pretty embarrassing.”
Harvard folded his arms.
“I guess if the captain of the team kicked your ass,” he said, “that would be pretty embarrassing for you. Let’s have a match on the last day of camp. Let’s make it the last match. The one everybody goes home talking about.”
Bastien shrugged. “Why not? Is there anything you want as a reward?”
“There’s nothing I want from you,” said Harvard. “Just quit badmouthing my team.”
“I’ll put fifty dollars on my captain to win,” announced Coach Williams from the group of coaches and trainers. “Now scram, everybody. It’s almost curfew.”
Harvard escorted Eugene to his room. Melodie came along. She and Eugene were holding hands.
“Eugene, mon petit chou, my friend is going to duel your captain,” said Melodie. “We are star-crossed.”
“I’m sorry, babe, but team above all,” said Eugene. “Bros before… I can’t call you that—I respect you and your awesome fencing prowess.”
“I’ve known Bastien most of my life,” murmured Melodie sadly. “I must support him. Age before beauties.”
Eugene grinned at being called a beauty, then concentrated on the problem. “What if Bastien ate something he was allergic to? It happens all the time by total accident, Captain.…”
Harvard pretended to cuff Eugene, but then had a shockingly vivid memory of pretending to cuff Aiden and having his fingers graze Aiden’s silk-soft hair. There were so many ways of being best friends, ways he was desperate to get back to. Everything they had been seemed tangled inextricably around this new awareness. Their past was all tangled up with their present, and he felt like something indescribably precious was being dragged away with the tide, to sink past saving.
When Melodie left them, Eugene leaned back against his bedroom door and sighed dreamily. “Do you think she likes me?”
“She called you her little cabbage just now,” said Harvard. “So, I’m gonna go with yes.”
“Did you have your first kiss when you were way younger than me, Captain?” Eugene asked wistfully.
“No,” said Harvard, who’d had his first kiss less than two weeks ago.
Eugene beamed. He looked tired but so happy, and Harvard remembered feeling that delighted and that radiantly certain, tangled up on a bed with Aiden before he had to pull away. Eugene clocked the expression on Harvard’s face. “You okay, Captain?”
“I’m okay. Go in and rest, that’s an order!”
I’m not okay, Harvard admitted to himself. I’m lying to everyone. He didn’t want to. He just didn’t see how he could stop.
Harvard’s mom called him a late bloomer, and Harvard had always believed that was true. Now Harvard thought it was just that it had always been Aiden, and some part of his mind had been protecting himself, knowing it would be no good.
He was exhausted, and he had a match tomorrow. He should go to bed.
Instead, Harvard waited up for Aiden to get back, but Aiden didn’t. He was probably out with some guy. Harvard didn’t sleep for hours, but he must have fallen asleep at some point during the long night before Aiden got back, because Harvard never heard him come in.
26 NICHOLAS
The next morning, Seiji didn’t sit with the team at breakfast. Nicholas looked around for him, but he was nowhere to be found.
“Maybe Seiji’s doing extra training,” Bobby suggested. “He’s so disciplined.”
Maybe he was having breakfast with Jesse Coste, discussing how much fun they would have at Exton together.