She hadn’t started acting weird yet? Good God.
“My best friend Chastity made my dating profile. I told her not to. Actually, I begged her not to. But she insisted and…she was on the thing just as much as I was because she had access to my password. She intercepted several of the messages.”
I laughed. “You just gave me shit for my friend talking to you. When she was really probably just talking to your friend.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I was just surprised and I have no idea why my first instinct was to lie. But it was and here we are. Getting caught in a lie is on my list of fears too. So it’s better to just get ahead of it, don’t you think? Besides, it was me on the app half the time. And I saw all the messages. So it was kind of like it was me. Since I observed all of it after the fact.”
“Right.”
“Exactly.” She smiled.
This girl was so strange.
“But the restaurant was Chastity’s idea. In her defense, she told me to dress up. But she dresses up for everything so I thought she was kind of overstating it. But apparently she wasn’t. I would have looked it up ahead of time, but she told me I was being paranoid and that it would be more fun to just go in blind, you know? Since it was kind of already a blind date since your profile was weirdly a cup of tea. I kind of thought you’d look like a monster. But you’re not at all what I expected. And I’m super underdressed.”
I was pretty sure there was a compliment in there somewhere. “I actually really like the sneakers.”
She smiled. “Really?”
I nodded.
“Thank you.”
“So now that I know that you’re underdressed, why don’t you go ahead and take your jacket off before you faint?”
“I’m wearing an old sweatshirt and jeans. And I ran miles to get here. So now I’m not only underdressed, but I’m super sweaty too. Just for the record, I had on a nicer shirt. But I spilled coffee all over it just when I was about to walk out the door for our date. And it’s laundry day. And this sweatshirt happens to be really comfy.”
I laughed. “It’s fine. Take it off before we have to call an ambulance.”
She laughed too and finally pulled off her jacket. It was indeed an old sweatshirt. There was even a hole on one of the elbows. But I was most distracted by the huge sweat stains under her arms. The light gray sweatshirt did nothing to hide them. If anything, it accentuated them.
“Oh God,” she said. “I need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.” She got up and ran, almost knocking into another waiter.
I held in my laughter as best I could until she disappeared into the bathroom. She was adorable. Adorable? I shook the thought away. She was a walking disaster. The waiter came over to ask for our order, but I sent him away. After all that, Ash hadn’t even told me what she wanted.
I looked at my watch. Ordered another drink. Started fidgeting in my seat. What the hell was she doing in there? She’d been gone for over ten minutes.
I pulled out my phone and sent Penny a text. “Who the hell is this person?”
Penny’s reply came almost immediately. “Isn’t she cute? And she’s exactly what you’re looking for!”
I wasn’t sure why she was so sure about that. “How is she exactly what I’m looking for?”
“You described your ideal girl, and I found her for you. You’re welcome. Are you being nice?”
“Yes, I’m being nice.”
“Good. Now stop texting during your date. It’s rude.”
I ran my hand down my face. And waited a few more minutes. Had Ash left? I pictured her climbing out of the window and running away. Honestly, it seemed exactly like something this Ash person would do. I just didn’t know whether to check the restroom or the alleyway first.
Chapter 16
Saturday
After a few more minutes passed without Ash returning, I threw my napkin down on the table and went toward the restrooms. It was better to check there first. If she was planning a great escape, she was probably already gone. There was no reason to look outside for her. But if she was stuck in a stall or something and needed help? It was at least polite to check. “Ash?” I said and knocked on the door to the women’s restroom.
No response.
“Ash?” I said a little louder.
No response.
For fuck’s sake. Did she really ditch me? I opened up the door just to check and saw Ash standing in the middle of the restroom with her sweatshirt off. Just standing in a public restroom with nothing on but a bra and her jeans. She was trying to dry the sweatshirt underneath the hand drier, while at the same time blotting it with paper towels.
“No, he’s gorgeous!” Ash said to no one at all.
She talks to herself too?
“Why didn’t you tell me he was gorgeous?!” Ash practically cried as she hit the hand drier button again.
“Then stop hiding in the bathroom and get out there!” said someone else.
I looked over to see where the other voice had come from. Ash’s phone was balancing precariously on the edge of the sink. I’m assuming this was her friend Chastity encouraging her through the speaker.
“I can’t go back out there! I look like a homeless person!”
I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face.
“I’m sure you don’t look homeless,” replied Chastity.
“I do. I’m wearing my binge-watching sweatshirt.”
“You are not,” gasped Chastity. “I told you to dress up! What is wrong with you?!”
“I don’t know!” Ash blotted the pit stains with more paper towels. “Seriously though, who is this guy, Chastity? He looks like he walked out of the pages of a magazine! You told me he wasn’t going to be cute. That this was just a practice run for getting back out there. You’re a dirty liar! Because he’s the definition of perfection and now he thinks I have some sort of explosive diarrhea because I’ve been in here for...”
“Fourteen minutes,” offered her friend. “He definitely thinks you shat your pants.”
“No!” Ash said and slammed her fist against the hand drier again. “Chastity, tell me how I can undo this?”
I cleared my throat.
Ash’s eyes grew round when she saw me. She slapped her phone off the counter instead of simply ending the call. Then for some reason she threw the sweatshirt on the ground like it was contraband. And then she yelped and put her hands directly onto her breasts to hide her bra.
I burst out laughing. I couldn’t help it.
For a second I thought she was going to cry. Or scream. Instead she started laughing too. “This is the worst date in the history of dates,” she said, half sobbing through her laughter.
I couldn’t deny that fact. “It’s not off to a great start.”
“God, what is wrong with me? I’m half naked in a public restroom. I should be arrested.”
“Your secret is safe with me. How about you put your sweatshirt back on and meet me back out there?”
She laughed again. “Are you serious? You’re not going to report me?”
“I’m not going to report you. But I might report this place for pests. Did you just see that centipede run under the sink?”