“Just drinking too many juice boxes and being controlling over puzzle pieces.”
Tyler laughed. “Axel hates puzzles. I don’t even know what he’s doing right now.”
Flirting. The kid was already a pro. Although, I couldn’t actually see Axel and Scarlett being together one day. They weren’t related, but they called each other’s parents aunt and uncle. It would just be…weird. They were pretty much cousins.
“What have you been up to recently?” Tyler asked. “You haven’t been to the last few game days.”
Seriously? Even he was going to question me? Come on, Tyler, I sat here for a reason. “Just been busy with work and stuff.”
“And stuff. Right. It wouldn’t have anything to do with that app that Penny’s constantly on?”
What the hell? I looked over at Penny and she was laughing at something on her phone, not even paying attention to the game or anyone around her.
Did everyone know that I was on a stupid dating app? “She told you about that?”
Tyler laughed. “No. I happened to see her screen when I was grabbing a drink. And she was texting some girl and they were talking about you. I think it was safe to assume Penny is not on a dating app as herself hitting on other women.”
“Fair.” If Penny was looking to date someone that wasn’t her husband…it would be me.
“I thought you didn’t really date,” Tyler said.
“I don’t.”
“So the dating app thing…”
I sighed. “All Penny’s idea.”
“That woman is relentless,” he said with a smile.
Yes, yes she is. “If you’ll excuse me for a second.” Penny had just gone into the kitchen and I needed a word with her. In freaking private. I followed her through the archway. She was laughing quietly again as she texted. She was completely oblivious to the world around her. For just a few seconds I watched her smiling down at her phone. Her red hair fell like a curtain over one of her eyes. God she was beautiful.
And I shouldn’t be staring at her like this. “Penny.”
She jumped and slammed her phone down on the counter. “Hi, Matt. What’s up?” She pressed her lips together like she was about to burst out laughing.
“What’s up? What are you doing?”
She pressed her lips harder together.
“Give me your phone.”
“What? No.” She pulled it away from me.
I tried to grab it but she ducked under my arm. “I’m talking to Ashley, okay?” She held the phone tightly to her chest.
“The girl from my date last night?”
“Yeah, she rated your date and I needed to know why it was such a low number.”
“She rated me poorly?”
“Mhm.”
“I didn’t even realize you could rate a date. Give her a zero then.” I tried to reach for Penny’s phone again but she sidestepped me.
“I’m not giving her a zero, Matt. That’s not very nice.”
“If anything, she wasn’t very nice. She literally ran away halfway through the date.”
“Probably because of something you did.”
Wow. Okay. “Did she not tell you what happened?”
“We were just getting to that. She said she was late and things were a little awkward the whole night. I don’t get it. You’re great at small talk. Why was your date so awkward?”
“Because she was freaking awkward.” How dare Ash call me awkward? I wasn’t awkward in the slightest.
“I’m just trying to figure out what happened,” Penny said. “This low rating is going to make finding a good candidate for your next date super hard. Unless you’re planning on going out with Ash again.”
“I am definitely not planning on doing that.”
“Why?”
“Because it was a train wreck.”
“But she’s exactly what you’re looking for.” She smiled because she knew I’d just been messing with her. “You requested a petite redhead, so…”
“It’s not just about looks, Penny.”
“I know that. So tell me what happened. Regardless of her appearance, I thought she was perfect for you. She seemed funny and sweet.”
“It was just a bad date.”
“I need more than that,” Penny said. “We can file a request to get this one-star rating removed.”
“One-star?” Fuck that.
“Just tell me what happened.”
“She tried to set my dick on fire!”
I heard Rob laugh and turned around. All our friends were standing in the archway staring at us.
“So we only caught the last bit of that, and we’re all going to need this whole story,” Rob said. “Who did what to your dick?”
For fuck’s sake. “Penny sent me on a blind date from hell and the girl knocked over a candle into that complimentary oil you dip bread into. It burst into flames. Then she proceeded to fling the flaming oil right onto the front of my pants.”
“On purpose?” James asked with a straight face.
“No.” I laughed. Huh. “Maybe.”
Mason slapped me on the back. “We’ve all been there, man.”
“I’ve never set your dick on fire,” Bee said.
“I just meant going on a blind date from hell.”
Bee slapped his arm. The two of them met on a blind date. As their story went, it wasn’t a perfect start. But in no part of their blind date had Mason’s dick been set on fire. Not sure they would have gotten married if that was the case. Unless they were into some weird shit I didn’t know about.
“Maybe your second date will be better,” Mason said.
Oh God. Was he seriously insinuating that Ash and I were meant to be, just like him and Bee? He couldn’t be more wrong. Bee was a sane person.
“So let me get this straight,” Rob said. “This girl accidentally tried to set fire to your cock?” He put accidentally in air quotes. “What the hell happened before that? I feel like there had to be a reason.”
I shrugged. “She showed up super late in a sweaty sweatshirt. Then was embarrassed about her outfit and started stripping in the bathroom…”
“And why do you know she was stripping in the bathroom?” Penny asked.
“Because she was taking forever so I followed her in.”
“Of course,” she said, resting her chin in her hand. “Please continue.”
“She was drying the sweat off her sweatshirt with the hand dryer.” I held up my hand. “It’s not important. I would have freaking walked out right then. But she dropped the bomb that she was going through a divorce with…Cupcake.”
“Cupcake?” Rob said. “No flipping way.”
“Who’s Cupcake?” Penny asked.
“This dick we went to high school with,” I said. “Anyway, I felt bad about how the date started out and the fact that she’d been married to that idiot, so I decided not to walk out. And we were having an okay discussion until she figured out who I was. She was super interested in the two of you.” I gestured toward Penny and James. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she was stalking you guys.”