Tanner tried and failed to hide his amusement. “If I recall, I just did you an immense favor. So you’ll be a good date and eat your lobster and steak and say no more, or I’ll have to give you a one-star rating.”
I laughed. “You talked to Penny about my date huh?”
“She said your date set your dick on fire.” He chuckled. “If only.”
I didn’t get his joke. Ash had set my dick on fire. Penny must have told the story wrong.
“Sit down,” Tanner said. “I already ordered their most popular apps and we’ll be doing a wine sampling as well.”
There was no use arguing with him. I knew for a fact that the only reason I was here with him was because he didn’t really like to eat alone. Neither did I. It was a win for both of us. And honestly, the lobster and steak on the table next to ours looked delicious. I sat down without another word.
“So let’s start with the issue at hand.” Tanner put his menu aside.
Good. I’d been dying to hear the dirt he’d dug up on Mr. Pruitt. Poppy showing up had shaken me. I needed to put an end to her threats. And being followed wasn’t making it any easier to sleep at night.
Tanner took a deep breath. “Whatever possessed you to go on a date without telling me?”
“What? Tanner, we need to talk about Mr. Pruitt. You swore you’d tell me in person when you refused to do it over text.”
“We can talk about Richard in a minute. I thought we had agreed that you’d tell me about all your dates on the app ahead of time so I could properly scope them out. And I don’t recall getting any notice about this one.”
“I thought you were joking.” Honestly, I didn’t think he was joking. But it was a really weird request so I’d chosen to ignore it.
“Well, what happened after she set you on fire?”
“She threw a glass of wine in my face and then took pity on me and helped put the fire out before running out of the restaurant.”
Tanner kept a completely straight face. “So you didn’t sleep with her?”
“No, she was an insane person.”
He nodded. “Do you think you’ll have another date? Because I really think the two of us need to meet if…”
“Did you not hear what I just said?”
“It’s a yes or no question, Matt.”
“No, I’m not going on a date with her again. She set me on fire!”
Tanner nodded. “Alright then. But for your next date, you need to tell me all the details before you go. Agreed?”
“I’m not going to do that. And I couldn’t even if I wanted to. Penny is catfishing people as me. I didn’t even know the girl’s name or what she looked like until I showed up for the blind date.”
“Interesting. I’ll coordinate with Penny and then stage random bump ins with your suitresses.”
“Please don’t do that.”
“But this way you can still be surprised for a blind date. And I can keep tabs on the situation.”
Our waiter cleared his throat as he set down a few bottles of wine. “Should I give the two of you a minute?” He looked shocked by our conversation.
“Yes,” I said at the exact same time that Tanner said, “No need.”
He laughed. “Lovers quarrel?”
For fuck’s sake. What had we just been talking about? He probably thought we were in some weird open relationship. “We’re just friends,” I said.
“No need to explain. We’re very discreet. I’ll give you two gentlemen a minute.” He winked at us and walked away.
Tanner pulled out a notebook that I hadn’t seen a minute ago. “Good to know that they’re discreet.” He jotted down the note. “That’s definitely a plus.”
“Tanner, you let the waiter think that we were dating.”
“Of course. We need the full couple’s experience. I need to know what it’s like to go on a date here.”
I sighed.
He made an overexaggerated sigh to mimic me. “If I recall correctly, you owe me,” he said.
“For finding dirt on Mr. Pruitt? Because as far as I can tell you have nothing. Besides, you made it seem like you were doing me a favor because we’re best friends.”
“Best friends? Ha. Wait until Robert hears about this confession.”
Before I could say anything, Tanner kept talking.
“And as my best friend, you can also do favors for me. And tonight I need you to pretend to be my gay date so we can figure out if this is a suitable place to send couples from the club.”
“I don’t understand why these couples aren’t just going on dates at the club.”
“If you’d attend an event, you’d understand.”
“I’m not interested in finding true love.”
“Oh yes, dear,” he said really loudly. “Because you’ve already found it.”
The waiter appeared next to our table with a tray full of appetizers.
I forced myself not to roll my eyes. It didn’t hurt me to be his gay date for restaurant scouting purposes. It wasn’t the first time Tanner had asked me to do this and it wouldn’t be the last. And it’s not like he was going to go over the top with the acting and kiss me or something. He was as straight as me. He only ever greeted strangers with mouth kisses if he got super drunk and started talking in a weird accent. Something about his schooling overseas. I think it was a French thing. I knew all this, yet tonight my patience was wearing thin.
Tanner silently started to taste test the appetizers when the waiter walked away.
“Are you seriously just going to sit there and eat?” I asked.
“They’ll get cold.” He pushed the sampling tray closer to me.
“Tanner, tell me what you found out about Mr. Pruitt. You said it was good. Tell me.”
He patted a napkin against his lips. “Oh, it’s good. I feel like we need a drumroll.” He looked around like he was expecting a drummer to magically appear for his whim. And when it didn’t happen, he jotted another note down in his notebook. “Well, you won’t believe what I found.”
Just freaking tell me! “What is it?”
“It’s so good.”
“Tanner I swear to God.”
He put his elbows on the table and leaned forward slightly. “You’re going to laugh so hard.”
“Wait, what?” I wanted dirt, not to laugh.
“So get this. I was following him…”
“Did he see you?” For some reason my heart had started racing. If I got Tanner tangled up in this mess too, I’d never forgive myself.
“Of course not. I’m as discreet as our waiter. I followed him into this old timey theater that shows classics during the day. And in my humble opinion, Titanic is pushing the whole classics thing since it feels like that barely happened a year ago. But this theater is particularly lenient in their classifications. I think they were even airing…”
“Tanner, focus.”
“Right. The theater doesn’t matter. But what happened at that theater?” He shook his head with a laugh. “I saw the unthinkable. I mean, I’d been trailing the guy all day. He’s a little rough around the edges. But as he watched Leonardo DiCaprio let go of that wooden door? He started bawling.”