“Matt.”
I’d been so distracted on my phone that I didn’t realize there was someone sitting on my front stoop. I looked up at Penny. Her cheeks were rosy and I could tell she’d been sitting out here in the cold for a long time. But what was worse was that her eyes were slightly red like she’d been crying.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey?” She shook her head. “That’s all you have to say?”
What did she want me to say? It was pretty clear that her asshole of a husband had made her cry. But I didn’t bother asking her if she’d been crying. Because I knew she’d deny it. We were both quiet for a minute. Her staring at me from the stoop. And me just standing there like an idiot.
“I should have texted you. I forgot you have practice after work and I shouldn’t have just shown up…. But can I come in? Please? We need to talk and I’m freezing.”
I didn’t love the idea of needing to talk. That was never good. But I wouldn’t make her stand out here in the cold anymore. I quickly opened the door and ushered her inside.
She sighed. “It’s so nice and warm in here.” She rubbed her hands together.
“Let me get you a cup of tea.”
She smiled, but it looked forced. “That sounds lovely. You must have a really smart friend that thought ahead and bought you a teakettle.”
“A smart and thoughtful friend, yeah.”
I filled the kettle up with water and turned on the stove. When I turned back to her, she’d peeled off her coat and was sitting at the kitchen counter. I stayed on the other side of the island. I hated seeing her upset. And I knew if I was next to her I’d touch her. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself.
“I tried texting you earlier,” I said. “I figured you’d canceled our plans.”
“Yeah. I was going to.” She shook her head. “I probably should have.”
That didn’t really answer my question. “But you changed your mind?”
She didn’t reply.
I couldn’t read her tonight. Was she upset with James? Or was she upset with me? Because it kind of seemed like she was pissed at me. Had James told her about Brooklyn? I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what she knew. I wasn’t even sure how much of James and my conversation she’d overheard the other night, if any. It was better to play it safe. “I’m sorry that I barged in last night,” I said. “I should have just called.”
“Called?” She finally made eye contact with me. “No, Matt. What you should have done was told James and me right away that someone threatened our daughter.”
“Penny, I’m sorry…”
“You could have gotten her killed.” She took a deep breath. “I’m sure James has already given you a piece of his mind. And you don’t need to hear it from me too. But I’m really freaking mad at you, Matt.”
I swallowed hard. So she was mad at me. Not James. Fuck.
“James is furious with you. But you know I always try to see the good in people…” her voice trailed off. “James and I got in a fight. And I…I just needed to talk to you.”
So he had made her cry? It was easier to latch on to that idea instead of her being mad at me. James was such an ass. It just made me regret what I’d said to him last night even less. But why did she need to talk to me about their fight? There could only be two reasons. He either told her all about Brooklyn and she was wondering why I hadn’t told her. Or she was here because she finally realized James was the worst and she was giving in to her feelings for me. Because they were definitely there. I could feel it. Couldn’t she?
The teakettle started wailing. I pulled it off the stove and poured the hot water into two mugs. I handed one to her after putting a bag of chamomile tea in it.
“Oh it feels so good,” she said as she wrapped her hands around the hot cup.
Just you wait. I thought about what else she could wrap her hands around to warm up. Stop. Her eyes were still puffy from crying. All I knew was that if she was mine, she wouldn’t be crying right now. I’d fucking worship that girl. Like she deserved. It was easy to think that was true. But was it really? Because I could never actually love her. And she certainly didn’t deserve to be someone’s second choice. “Are you going to tell me what you two fought about?” I asked.
“Stress.”
Wait, what? “Stress?”
“Yes, stress. You unloaded all this stuff on him and it’s too much. He’s been working on stress management. After everything he’s been through…he’s under enough pressure balancing work and fatherhood because he has to pick up my slack...” her voice trailed off and she pressed her lips together like she’d said too much.
“What’s going on with you?”
She ran her thumb down the side of the mug. “I’m just worried about him.”
“I’m not asking about James. I’m asking about you. What slack is James being forced to be pick up?”
“That doesn’t matter. What matters is that James always puts the weight of the world on his shoulders. Isabella’s father isn’t taking his calls and he doesn’t know how to make sure Scarlett is safe. We both know what the Pruitt family is capable of. James hired more security, but we’re not dumb. We know it’s not enough. And on top of all that, he’s worried you hate him.” It looked like she was going to cry again.
I swallowed hard.
“I told him that of course that wasn’t true. That he’s one of your best friends. But he just told me I didn’t understand. What don’t I understand? Why are you two fighting? Things have been weird between you two ever since we came to your game. I overheard something about loving Brooklyn last night?”
I couldn’t breathe.
“I didn’t even realize you ever lived outside of Manhattan. And James is focusing on your fight and he won’t tell me what’s going on.”
So she didn’t know? She thought we both loved living in Brooklyn or something? As in the place? Not my fiancée?
“James tells me everything. So if he’s not telling me this, it’s because you specifically asked him not to. And I don’t understand. You know everything about me, Matt.”
Not what it feels like to kiss you. “I don’t think that’s true.”
“I don’t keep stuff from you. Secrets are awful. God, if I learned one thing in that huge scandal with James, it’s that secrets are toxic. So what aren’t you telling me?”
I hated seeing her with unshed tears. I hated seeing her upset in any way. And I was pretty sure my brain short circuited, because somehow I’d gotten on the other side of the island and was standing right next to her. I didn’t want to talk about her husband. I didn’t want to talk about any of this. All I could think about were ways to silence her with my lips.
She looked up at me. “Just tell me, Matt. Tell me what you’re keeping from me.”
“You first.”
She pulled her eyebrows together. “I’m not…”
“You just said how toxic secrets are. But you’re hiding something too, Penny.”
“This isn’t about me. This is about you and James.”