“Maybe the details don’t matter. At least until you tell me why you had blow dust under your car seat. Because I can feel whatever fucking way I want to about you, but none of it matters if you’re on the road, Benito. I can’t be near that shit, and that’s not going to change.”
“I know. That’s why—fuck.” Benito banged his head on the window. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, man. Your life was your life before you met me.”
“I lied to you.”
“Fix it then. Tell me the truth.”
Nausea rattled Benito’s bones. He closed his eyes, willing it away and praying he wouldn’t faint. When the rush faded, he turned away from the window.
Mickey was still on the bed. He’d closed his eyes too, as if he couldn’t bear to look at Benito, and Benito ached to go to him.
But he couldn’t. Not yet. “I lied about being off the street because I was scared of losing you. I knew it was wrong, but I thought I had time to make it right. That it would be the truth before you ever found out.”
Mickey opened his eyes. “That you’d be out before I found out that you weren’t?”
“Yeah. I had a plan.”
“But you’d have lied to me forever, though, right? Whatever happened?”
“Maybe. I don’t know.” Benito took a breath. “I might’ve told you later on, but maybe I’m a shittier human than you ever were.”
Mickey snorted. “Don’t underestimate what a nasty cunt I was. It’s why I have no fucking right to sit here and judge you. It’s just . . . hard. I wish I didn’t understand. Then I could walk away.”
“Is that what you want? To walk away?”
“No. I didn’t mean that.”
Benito shivered. It seemed to be all he did these days. Shiver and shake. Puke his sins into the ground while yearning for something better. “A year ago, I lost a fight to be the top boy of my crew. I got shanked and chased out. They threatened my family. Said if I didn’t stay out of London, they’d hurt Gianna.”
“The scar on your ribs?”
“Yeah.”
Mickey whistled. “Nasty.”
“It was a big knife. I deserved it, though. Kind of. Maybe not like that, but it needed to happen.”
“Why?”
Benito shrugged. “I was a bad man, and I was blind to it. I didn’t care who I hurt. I just wanted to win.”
“What happened next?”
“I came home—came here, I mean. I got this place and watched over my mum and Gianna, and that should’ve been it, but I couldn’t let it go. I was seething, man. Fucking fuming, you know? It was all I could think about.”
Mickey stood. Benito thought he might come to him, but he didn’t. He drifted to the opposite wall and leant against it, gesturing for Benito to keep talking.
“I couldn’t let it go,” Benito repeated. “I had a contact I’d left behind. Someone who hated Asa more than I did.”
“Your boss?”
“My wingman . . . at least he was until he stuck a blade in me. He was king after me. Still is, actually.”
“And you hate him?”
“For a long time, but I respect him now.”
“What changed?”
“Everything. I told you. I had a plan. I used my contact to track the product Asa was moving, and I robbed him blind. Took kilos and kilos from him and sold it on. Buried all the money in the woods.”
Mickey frowned, digesting. “How did you rob him?”
“I hit the muling runs. Fought every fucker he sent to protect the load until I got what I wanted. Then I’d drive it on to the coast and flog it cheap to the crews out there. It was a win-win for everyone except Asa.”
“Unless you got caught.”
“Yeah. About that.” Benito shook his head. “This shit is wild.”
“Can’t be worse than getting fried in a fire.”
“It was close.”
Mickey pushed off the wall. He crossed the room and joined Benito at the window. “When did this go down?”
“Friday. I had one more run to hit before I had enough.”
“Enough what?”
“Enough Ps to pay my bounty. When Asa shanked me, he offered me a price to get out for good. A hundred grand and I’d be free. Gianna would be safe and I’d never have to worry about him again.”
“Wow.” Mickey slow-blinked. “That’s a lot. My crew never moved that kind of money. I reckon the price on my head would be a couple of grand.”
“We played a good game. Asa still does.”
“But not you?”
Benito sighed. “I did the run on Friday, but it went tits up. My contact told me he’d been made, and Asa switched the crew who were moving the product. They were ready for me.”
“You got caught?”
“Not exactly.”
“Then how was it? Exactly?”
“They crashed their car and left their driver behind.”
“Dead?”
“No. Bleeding. I got him out and left him somewhere Asa would find him. Then I took the product and sold it, but it was too late. Asa already knew it was me. He’d known it all along.”
Mickey turned his gaze to the window. He stared with bottomless eyes at the same view Benito had for the last twelve months. “This is some heavy shit. Are you telling me you’ve been shafting your boss this whole time and he knew about it?”
“Yup.”
“How are you still breathing right now?”
“Nino,” Benito said.
“What?”
“The driver. He was closer to Asa than I thought, and Asa was all kinds of grateful I didn’t leave him to die or get picked up by the feds. He took his money back from me and let me go.”
“For good?”
Benito nodded. “Yeah. It’s hard to believe, but it’s true. I’m out for real this time.”
Mickey said nothing. He kept his gaze on the shopping centre while his brain worked to dissect the convoluted tale Benito had told him. Perhaps it helped that he understood road life enough to fill in the blanks.
Or maybe it didn’t. Maybe he understood it so well he hated Benito more than ever.
“What happened to the money?” Mickey said suddenly. “The stuff you buried in the woods?”
“I told you . . . I gave it back to him.”
“Your bounty money?”
“Yup.”
“So if you hadn’t been caught, you were going to pay him with his own money?”
“Yup.”
“You’re a cold motherfucker.”
Benito shook his head. “Nah. I thought I was, but it wasn’t worth it. I thought I was dying the other night, after the fire, but the truth is, I’ve been dying for years. If Asa hadn’t got ahead of me and finished the game, I think I would’ve driven my car into the sea.”
“I wish that didn’t make sense to me, but it does.” Mickey’s hand hovered over Benito’s forearm. He curled it into a fist, then flexed it again before he finally made contact with Benito’s tingling skin. “And this all happened on Friday?”