“The raid happened on Friday. That’s why my car had dust and blood in it. I thought I got it all before I came to you, but I was so fucking tired I must’ve missed it. I didn’t see Asa until Monday, though, and by then I didn’t give a shit. I’d already lost you.”
“You did give a shit, about Gianna and your mum, even if you didn’t care about yourself.”
“Right.” Benito was done. He had nothing left. He gripped the windowsill, white knuckling it, holding himself up.
Mickey read him and slipped an arm under his shoulders. He walked Benito to the bed and sat him down, then crouched, his hands warm on Benito’s knees. “This is a mess,” he said bluntly. “I can’t see a way out.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, it’s so fucking complicated, I can’t see how you could ever have made it work. You could’ve told me the truth and nothing would be different.”
“Maybe we wouldn’t have got this far. You’d have walked away weeks ago and—” Benito couldn’t say it. He couldn’t give voice to the possibility that he’d never have felt about Mickey the way he did right now.
He hung his head. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Don’t.” Mickey squeezed Benito’s thighs. “Don’t be acting like I’m something better than you. I didn’t leave the road by saving some fuckboy’s life. The old me would’ve left him to die.”
“No, you wouldn’t.”
“I wouldn’t now. And neither would you. You didn’t. And that’s why I fucking love you.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, Benito. I do. And I know you love me too because you told me so.”
Benito leaned forward, spent, but so drawn to Mickey he couldn’t contemplate doing anything else. “I thought I’d dreamed that. But I meant it. I don’t know how I got to this place, but I love you, so fucking much.”
There was so much more they needed to say, but Benito had run out of spoons. Perhaps they both had.
Mickey coaxed him into bed and fed him pizza and water. Then he let Benito doze for a while before he shook him awake sometime later. “There’s something else.”
“What?” Benito started to sit up, but Mickey eased him back down.
“Relax. It’s not bad.” He held up his phone. “The money bloke at the housing association called while I was waiting for the pizza. They’ve cleared your mum’s debt with the council.”
“Cleared? What does that mean?”
“It’s paid. Gone. As in, it doesn’t exist anymore, so you don’t have to drive yourself into an early grave to pay for it.”
A rush Benito couldn’t explain swept over him. “The payment plan?”
Mickey grinned. “What payment plan?”
“Fuck.” Benito sank back on the pillows. “That’s crazy. Did you ask them to do that?”
Mickey loomed over Benito. At some point, he’d shed his shirt, and his chest was the best pillow in the world. “I would have if I thought it was something they’d do, but . . . no. My bosses made the decision and actioned it without talking to me about it—and that’s kind of a thing now, as far as your mum’s concerned. They know about us—or they suspect it, at least—so they assigned Rosetta to someone else.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh. But it’s for the best. If we’re going to be together, your mum doesn’t need me up in her shit all the time. It’s not fair.”
“She likes you.”
“Does she?”
“Yeah.” Benito laid his palm over Mickey’s heart, grounding himself in the steady beat. “I told her I fucked it all up, though, so she’s probably not holding out much hope of you sticking around.”
“I can fix that.”
Benito let Mickey’s softened gaze seep into him. “You really want this? With me? I’m out of the game, but I’m still a fucking loser.”
“Shh.” Mickey pressed a hand over Benito’s mouth. “I don’t want to hear that shit. I’m here because I want to be. If you turn out to be a prick after all, that’s on me.”
Benito licked Mickey’s palm.
Mickey’s eyes flashed. “Don’t do that either. Unless you’re suddenly recovered enough for me to fuck you into this mattress.”
Benito’s heart sped up, and for the first time in what felt like a year, it felt good. He pulled Mickey’s hand from his mouth.
Mickey didn’t fight him, even as Benito tugged him down and down and down until their faces were inches apart.
Benito pressed their foreheads together. “I think I’d die right now if you fucked me, but . . . will you stay with me? Tonight, I mean, to sleep . . . in my bed with me?”
Mickey stole a quick, blood-warming kiss from Benito’s lips before he answered with a smile. “Motherfucker, I couldn’t leave you if I tried.”
25
Benito’s chest X-ray was clear. The hospital gave him an inhaler to use every day for a month and discharged him.
After the appointment, Mickey drove him straight to Rosetta’s new flat and left him there while he visited other residents who needed his help.
It was dark when he picked him up. Benito was exhausted. Mickey took him back to his house in Northampton and left him dozing on the couch while he got ragey with his laptop and made breakfast for dinner.
Dom Ramos called as Mickey was dumping the dishes in the sink.
Benito waved him away. “Go on, I got it.”
“Leave them,” Mickey said. “Rest.”
“I’m fine.”
Mickey rolled his eyes but left Benito alone with the Fairy liquid and retreated outside. He lit a cigarette and blew smoke into the cold sky as he answered the phone. “Hey.”
“Evening,” Dom said. “I’m just checking in. It’s been a crazy few days, hasn’t it?”
“Something like that. It’s coming together now, though. I took the last household to their new place this afternoon. I can help the council with the rest tomorrow if you can spare me.”
“We can spare you, but I’d rather you took a couple of days off. There’s nothing more to be done that can’t wait or be done by someone else.”
“Someone else?”
“Yeah. Me. Isha. Whoever. You’ve been a hundred miles an hour ever since the fire. You need some time.”
“I’m okay.”
“You deserve better than okay.”
Mickey took another deep drag of smoke into his lungs. “Did Isha tell you he busted me sleeping with a tenant’s son?”
Dom chuckled quietly. “He told me he thought you were in a relationship with someone and you’d done everything you could to make it fall right. Does that count?”
“It’s one way of looking at it.”
“It’s the truth, Mickey.”
“How do you know?”
“Because you’re good people, and there’s nothing you won’t do for the tenants in your care. If you’re trying to convince me you took advantage of the situation to sleep with someone, you’re going to have to try harder.”