We cuddle in the backseat on the way home, and he kisses me again, loudly so Jennifer and Ryan can hear.
“Are you coming back to our place?” Ryan asks as we near campus. “Or should I drop you off at yours?”
“I’ve got this International Club thing tomorrow morning,” I make up. “So I’m going to head right back home.”
Jennifer scrunches up her face at me, and I hope it’s not too suspicious that I’m not staying over at Luke’s tonight.
But I need to get a little distance from him right now. I didn’t expect that kiss, and from the look in his eyes, I know he feels what I feel too: our friendship is forever changed.
And I haven’t been this revved up in quite some time.
If I go back to Luke’s place with the buzz I have right now, I have my doubts I’d be able to keep my hands off of him.
And I don’t mean to put on a show for Ryan and Jennifer.
I mean because I just want more of that warm, kiss feeling in my stomach.
About twenty minutes later, I’m very glad I did, because the text that comes in from Luke reminds me that we are, definitely, just for show.
Luke: Great job tonight, Cielo. We totally have them going.
My stomach sinks as I type out my reply.
Skylar: Yes! We totally punked them.
And you’ve got me going too, I want to add.
But I don’t. Instead, I pull out Bob, my faithful little vibrator, who has served me so well during the Federico era. Except this time, it doesn’t feel quite right.
Because I can’t get Luke out of my head.
9
Luke
The Friday after the kissing incident with Sky, I call up my cousin Jocko Brewer.
He’s almost a decade older than me, but for whatever reason the two of us have always synced up quite well. I never had any brothers growing up, so I turned to him as a kind of role model.
Jocko was one of the first people who taught me—showed me, really—that I could succeed at baseball if I poured my heart and soul into it.
And as I got older, our conversations began to turn to a different topic that is of great interest to both of us.
Women.
And I’ve definitely got a lady issue on my mind at the moment.
Jocko picks up after one ring.
“Dominos Pizza, how can I help you?” Jocko says.
I laugh. “Hi, Jocko. I’ll take three extra large sausages, please.”
“Oh come on man, that’s gross. That’s college humor.”
“Well I am in college.”
“Right. And just kidding about the college humor stuff. Nice joke, man.”
“How are you these days?”
“Currently wishing the Detroit winter was not a thing, and nursing a slight hangover. Travis was in town last night.”
We shoot the shit for a little while, and he tells me that he’s going to be the wedding date for this coworker of his for a destination wedding. She wants him to pretend to be his fiancée for the week. He agrees because he wants to get the pressure of his mom off his back. Hey, apparently we’re both into fake relationships. I wish him the best of luck.
I get Jocko up-to-date on the craziness of my little fake marriage proposal, and he doesn’t judge, just listens and offers advice. That’s one of the things I love about the man. It’s good to have an older, wiser ear I can share my dilemmas with.
“The first month of Operation Romper is complete. I’m calling it a tentative success. Especially after we salvaged what might have been a disaster at dinner last Friday with that kiss. I still don’t get how Jennifer hones in so well on my dating habits. But there’s no way she’s suspicious of Sky and I being ‘fake’ or anything like that, now.”
“So you kissed Sky,” he observes. “Interesting. Goodbye, friendship. Right?”
“Nah, I mean, we’re still very cool.” I think, I mean I’ve not thought about it though I’m way more aware about Sky as time goes by.
“It’s impossible to kiss without complicating the situation, man. But hey, you like her, right? So no harm no foul. What did she say about it after?”
“This week, I’ve had baseball practice and she’s had various club activities, so we’ve only seen each other briefly in Spanish class. If it were any girl other than Skylar, I’d wonder if she were avoiding me. We’re too good of friends for that, though. So instead of acting out Operation Romper in front of Ryan with Sky, I’ve just been dropping subtle little hints to him this week about how ‘she seems a little more special than the rest,’ and that ‘I can’t stop thinking about her.’ The same sort of silly stuff Ryan used to say to me about Jennifer when they were in the early phases of dating.”
“And you’re sure you and Sky are still cool after that kiss?”
“Of course. Midterms for winter term are around the corner, so campus is in hyper-study mode. Anyway, the important part of our fake relationship is that we make the breakup disastrous, and visible to Ryan, so it’s not a big deal that we don’t see each other every day right now.”
At least, that’s what I tell myself.
“You really think that’ll work? This Ryan guy, I mean I know he’s your friend, but, shit. Jennifer’s got him too wrapped around her finger from everything you’ve told me.”
“It has to work. I’m going to will it to work.”
That’s one of the old life mottos Jocko taught me, years ago, that I’ve often repeated to myself in desperate times.
You can do what you will to do.
“While I admire your bravery, I think you’re getting yourself into a complicated mess. But hey, what do I know. This is why I’m going to stay a bachelor until forty, man.”
“Nah man, not complicated. It’s still simple. Sky and I, we’re different like that. We’ll be able to handle this.”
We say some more niceties and then hang up.
Jocko has a strong intuition, and he sniffed out the truth almost immediately even if I’m denying it.
The truth being that since our kiss on Friday night, I haven’t been able to get the taste of Skylar’s lips off my mind.
An empty feeling churns in my stomach. Yes, things are definitely more complicated after that kiss. I’ve been trying to downplay it in my mind, but I could feel it in my heart. It wasn’t a normal first kiss. And not just because we were putting on an act of theatre for Jennifer and Ryan.
Later that afternoon, on the way to class, my senses sink again as I stare at the text Skylar sent me just before class.
Skylar: We need to have a chat after class today.
My palms sweat in the classroom as Professor Gonzalez talks about Cortez’s search for the Holy Grail, and the ability to concentrate eludes me today with my mind wandering.
Throughout all of the flavor-of-the-week type flings I had during fall term, never once did I worry when a girl told me, ‘we have to chat.’
Even though the typical male response is to clench up, I wouldn’t. Because if a woman wanted something serious with me, I would simply shrug my shoulders and say no thanks. That might make me seem like a dick, but I didn’t really care if I lost them because I didn’t have much invested in the relationship. Sometimes being upfront and honest can be interpreted as being an asshole. Hence my less than stellar reputation with some of the females across campus.