But I know enough to realize what’s happening right now.
“Jesus H,” I whisper angrily. “Cut it out, Luke. It’s not funny.”
I figure if I sound pissed it would help his situation. I move and try to readjust so I’m more comfortable as he gets himself together. But on another level, if I’m being honest, I’m flattered.
“I’m not trying to be funny. And if you want me to stop being hard,” he adds, “you should probably stop wiggling your ass into my crotch.”
Oh. Well, that’s probably true. But I turn my head a little and raise an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? It’s not my fault you have no self-control!”
“It’s an involuntary response…” he stammers. “And it’s not my fault you have such a sexy ass!”
“Hey! Don’t you dare call my ass sexy. That’s not your right.”
“Oh, so I’m just supposed to pretend like it’s not? Seriously stop wiggling it!” So now we’re in tears laughing and the giggles are escaping me ruining my pissed off persona.
I move again, teasing Luke. “Jesus, how big is that thing? It’s like I’m getting smacked continuously with a cucumber on top of my jeans.”
“Wait. Did you just tell me I have a big cock?”
My stomach lurches with butterflies. I’m not sure if I’m anxious because I’m trying to hold back some huge laughter, or because the electricity coursing through me could be interpreted as ‘being turned on.’ Regardless, I have to deny any bodily reaction I’m having to this man. Mi mejor amigo.
My best friend.
“No, Lucas, that’s not what I was saying.”
“Yes, you did,” he taunts, making the situation worse because I’m about to cry out loud ugly tears.
“And you just told me I have a nice ass,” I retort.
“Yes, you do. How do you keep that thing hidden so well?”
“Wait, are you saying you check my ass out regularly?”
“I’m a guy, I can’t help but notice these things.”
“Shh! Here he comes.” God, if we keep up like Laurel and Hardy this gig will never work. We’ve got to convince Ryan this is the beginning of a torrid love affair.
Ryan comes back into the living room and sits in his easy chair, looking at us like there’s nothing up. Darn.
“So you going out tonight?” I ask Ryan.
“Yeah, I’m going to head to the frat house for a bit and hang with some of my fraternity brothers.”
The music from our record comes to an end just then so I get up to turn it off. Just as I do Luke turns the show he mentioned earlier on the flatscreen.
“Have fun hanging with the fellas,” Luke says. “I think I’m just going to stay in tonight.”
Ryan grins slyly at us. “I get it.”
We chatter back and forth a bit more during the commercials and a half hour or so later, Ryan leaves. Luke flips the cover off of us, and we separate onto our respective sides of the couch.
I glance at his sweatpants, and he’s still clearly hard. “Got a problem there?” I tease.
He looks down. “Real funny. Sorry about poking you.”
He closes his eyes, and I start to see it go down in real time.
“Holy crap. Are you mentally focusing to make your erection go down?”
“Well, apparently once I’m not in contact with an attractive female, it finally goes down. Plus, I’m thinking hard about the smell of old jock straps. That usually does the trick for me.”
After that comment I can’t stop laughing. The whole scene was hilarious and hopefully undetected by Ryan. We’re going to have to practice our deceit a little more because if he triggers my funny bone this is going to be harder than I thought.
A few minutes later, the pizza arrives, and we turn our conversation away from Operation Romper and toward more frivolous things.
Like Professor Ramirez’s hilarious degree of passion when it comes to discussing sixteenth century primary sources about the conquest. Luke does the best Ramirez impression.
Then we get on the topic that my housemate Roger definitely has a little crush on Luke. Not that it bothers him because Luke is so macho and comfortable in his own skin and he doesn’t have any phobic feelings. I like that a lot about him — he’s a confident guy.
After that, we launch into a debate about whether or not dreams can actually tell the future. Which is fun since neither of us had a strong feeling either way but the debate and need to top one another is refreshing.
What was cool about it all was that for the next couple of hours, it’s like we really are just friends again, ignoring the fact that we’re on the first ‘date’ of this crazy, months long plan.
We’re binging the series and for a second I’m distracted by Luke’s facial profile instead of the show.
Even though we have a terrific connection as friends, the man is still something of a mystery to me. He’s supposed to be this big Don Juan—and I know that’s true because he dated my friend Anne for like a week last term. Yet here he is, brushing off the fact that I just gave him a boner in our first cuddle session. As ridiculous as this whole idea is, at the heart of it lies a selfless act from Luke. We’re going to be putting a ton of time into this long con. And there’s probably more boners to come… possibly some damp panties for me. At some point, I think we’ll have to talk about this, but not now.
I decide to grab one more slice of pizza from the coffee table instead when he catches me looking at him. It’s too obvious for me to try and play it off like I wasn’t just staring.
“Anyone ever tell you that you sort of look like a Russian Czar from the side?” I say, trying to play it off.
He laughs. “No. No one has ever told me that. That’s quite a specific compliment.”
“Well I don’t think anyone else sees you like I do.”
He takes a bite of pizza, then puts it back quickly when we hear the back door rattle.
Ryan’s back.
We don’t even have to say anything.
I lay on my side and inch to the edge of the couch so he can slide in behind me. In a quick motion, he swoops over to get in position and puts the cover over us so we look to Ryan like we’ve been cuddling the entire time we’ve been here.
Ryan rattles in the kitchen, then comes into the living room and sits down.
“Ah, nice. I stopped at this episode,” he says, looking up at the series we’re watching.
I shift a little to get comfortable, and I feel it happening.
Again.
“Luke…seriously?” I whisper quietly.
“Sorry I’m not sorry,” Luke whispers in my ear, quietly so Ryan can’t hear. “Yes we’re just friends. And yes, you have an unbelievable ass and I can’t not be turned on by it when you press into me like that. We might as well face facts.”
Then he raises his voice, because Ryan hears the low whispering. “Am I cramping your style?” he says loudly, in his overacting voice.
“I’m fine…just had to readjust a little,” I say, sounding much more natural than him if I’m being honest. I really am going to have to have an ‘Acting 101’ chat with him sometime soon in private.
My heart rate about doubles when he lays his arm on my side and wraps his hand around my hip. I run my hand over his forearm, and he emits the tiniest of groans.