He could see a future with a strong woman like Cat, one who would keep him on his toes but also be there if he ever needed support.
But he also knew that was a lot to ask for. So he finally answered truthfully, to give her the best information about him to make her decision. "When I was a child, all I dreamed and wished for was a normal family. One where the parents might argue, but my mother didn't end up in the hospital with yet another 'fall.' To merely tease my sister and not worry about if our bickering caused my father to reach for a belt to keep us quiet. I wanted laughter and love, and all those things I saw my friends take for granted." He paused, trying to gauge her expression, and failing. So he continued, "But I just can't pretend my past isn't there, Cat. It'll shadow me for the rest of my life, and it'll take a massive amount of work to overcome. You mentioned once how you helped raise your siblings. And whilst you didn't complain outright, I could tell how much of a burden it'd been to you. Just having a child with me and us living separately will be even more work, on top of everything you already do. And if there's one thing I can't tolerate, it's being a burden to anyone. At least, no more than I already have been in the past."
By the end, his voice had grown scratchy. While he'd shared his fears before in addiction recovery meetings, it was different here with Cat. She was so happy and carefree and the opposite of dark and twisted.
Speaking the truth and spreading some of his darkness was fucking hard. But he owed it to her. He didn't know why, but he felt he did.
She finally replied, "Aye, it was hard with my siblings after my dad died. But after speaking with my mum today, I realized how rewarding it felt when she told me how much I'd helped her. I guess I'm saying I may complain, but when someone tells you how important you are to them, it almost makes up for everything."
She searched his eyes, and Lachlan stopped breathing. Was she saying she wouldn't mind his problems or the fact she'd have to help him?
And why did that matter so much all of the sudden?
However, she spoke again before he could say anything. "And you might not have realized it at the time, but even you just ensuring Layla could be served first last night tells me you're not like your father." She squeezed his hand before adding, "I can't promise anything, but I think you may be worth a try, Lachlan MacKintosh. And that when push comes to shove, you'd stand up for me or any child we had instead of turning your anger at us, aye?"
The words fell from his lips before he could stop them, "I'd kill myself before hurting you."
She smiled slightly. "I think so too. So I guess that brings up one last question—do you want the frenzy with me? If not, you can leave, and I won't hate you. Maybe curse you a few times over the next few years, but not hate. It was my choice, after all, to kiss you despite the risks."
He didn't like Cat shouldering all of the blame. "I knew it could happen as well, even if it didn't cross my mind in the moment. But deciding blame is pointless. No, what's more important is what you want. Do you want a bairn, Cat? All of this was just as sudden for you as for me, and I have no idea what you want for your future."
She reached for his other hand and squeezed them both gently. "At first, I cried at the thought."
The idea of Cat crying did something to his heart, to the point he wanted to rub his chest over the tightness.
She shrugged. "But I think it was more the fear of the unknown, of some male I barely knew giving me a child. However, after this conversation, I'm not so scared anymore. A wee bit nervous, of course, but not scared. I wouldn't mind it. But you have to know it will probably cost you your job."
DDA employees weren't supposed to fraternize with dragon-shifters. A few had in the past, of course. The leader of the English dragon clan in the north—Stonefire—had mated a former DDA employee named Evie Marshall. But she'd been forced to resign.
Most likely Lachlan would as well.
The DDA had been his rock, his foundation around which he structured his life, the one thing that had kept his life together over the past decade. Could he give it up so easily?
As he stared into Cat's blue eyes, he wondered if maybe he could have it all. She'd put the idea into his head about working toward a future he wanted. And for the first time, he itched to do just that.
He said, "I plan to make my case to keep my job, at least through the event this autumn. It'll give me time to find a way to convince them as to why having employees who live with dragon-shifters is a good idea. After all, the books and secondhand accounts only go so far."
She nodded. "I'm sure Finn will help you any way he can, provided you work toward earning his trust."
He murmured, "Aye, maybe. But I'd rather earn your trust first."
Her eyes widened a fraction before she squeezed his hands again. "You can start by spending time with my family. We have a few days before my dragon returns from the drug-induced coma, and we have to fully commit to the frenzy. So I think it's best for you to learn what life would be like if you stay. Not to mention you can get used to the idea of my dragon sometimes taking control and being a bit rough during the frenzy."
He'd heard stories of mate-claim frenzies before, of course. However, the thought of Cat above him, riding his cock as she dug her nails into his chest, sent a rush of heat through his body.
He somehow didn't think dealing with her dragon would be a burden.
Needing to keep his cock in check, he focused on Cat and what she'd proposed. "But I'd get to spend time with you as well, aye? I'm sure your dragon is great, but if I'm honest, I'm more looking forward to sleeping with you." He removed one of his hands from hers and dared to brush some hair off her face. "The kiss, especially, has me curious."
She murmured, "Me as well."
As she stared up at him, her eyes full of heat, he stopped breathing. She was so fucking beautiful.
Although it was more than beauty that drew him to her. It had only been one deep conversation, but he already felt closer to her. Before, he would've suppressed the feeling and pretended it was merely attraction.
However, Cat had dangled something in front of him—hope for a future—and he wanted to know her inside and out.
Maybe she could be his new addiction, but in a good way.
She released his hand and cupped his face instead. Her soft fingers against his skin sent another thread of heat through his body. Never before had he been so aware of another woman's touch.
It took everything he had to focus on her words and not try to kiss her again. "Aye, you'll get me during the frenzy too. But my dragon is a part of me, so the bargain is two for one. I know that's sometimes strange for humans to understand, but it's essential you understand this now. Because if we have the frenzy and I go back to having my dragon around, you'll have to give attention to her as well. If you ignore her, you're ignoring me too." She paused and leaned closer, to the point he felt her breath on his lips. "Do you think you can handle us both?"
He knew he couldn't kiss Cat right then and there, or it could wake her dragon up. But fuck, he'd never burned to kiss anyone so desperately before. Almost like he needed to do it, or he'd have trouble breathing.
He truly wanted her, more than anything.