She turns around and cocks and eyebrow. “Beau?” Her eyes dart around the store to check out the other patrons that heard me calling to her.
“I was wondering. There’s nothing in there—” I gesture to her cart and mine— “that would spoil in the next few minutes. Would you want to have a cup of coffee with me?” My heart’s beating out of my chest. Callie holds all the power here.
She could say no and I’d have to respect it. It would also mean she wants absolutely nothing to do with me and put the final nail in my coffin of ever having her as a friend. But if she says yes, I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep my hopes from skyrocketing to the possibility of a true friendship with my ex-girlfriend. The person I thought I’d spend forever with. A dream that I’m not sure I’ve ever let go of.
She chews on her bottom lip for a second, then looks down at her watch. Meeting my eyes there seems to be a war waging behind her golden-brown irises. Finally, she puts me out of my misery.
“Sure, just let me pay and put these in the car.”
I nod, but inside I’m doing backflips. I’m so fuckin’ thrilled she said yes. Moving to the checkout lane next to Callie’s, I quickly load up my items, pay then race to my car. I’m not giving her any time to regret her decision.Throwing my paper bags into my trunk, I jog over to where I saw Callie and help her load her trunk.
“After you,” I say letting her walk in front of me into the coffee shop. We order and I stop before I pull her chair out for her. There’s being nice then there’s the bundle of nerves I’m being. This is Callie we’re talking about. She’s been in my life for forever and I shouldn’t be this much of a mess to just have a conversation with her.
We wait in almost comfortable silence while our order is made. I don’t think either one of us wants to start talking then have to be interrupted. Luckily, the coffee shop isn’t busy, which is surprising for a weekend, and our order is ready within minutes.
“So,” I say at the same time as she starts to talk. We both stop and laugh as we tell the other to start.
“No, you asked me to coffee, you go first,” she finally says.
“Okay, uh, well, I just wanted to, I don’t know. I wanted to apologize.”
“Beau, you really don’t need to. It was a long time ago. We were so young.” She’s not wrong, but her words slash my heart deep.
“I do, Cal. I shouldn’t have left the way I did. I was trying to do what was best for my family. Nana had just started having problems and Notre Dame said they’d honor my scholarship and even add some help at home for Nana if I came there. I’d take the whole year off from football, so I really didn’t have many options. Plus, what they were offering for Nana, I couldn’t turn it down. I had a five-year-old to think about.
“I loved you, but I needed to think of my family over myself. It took years, but I understood exactly how my actions hurt you. I wanted what was best for you and I didn’t think that was me. I couldn’t give you the things you deserved and going pro isn’t promised to anyone. I had to think of my family, but I also had to think about you. I wanted you to find someone that could take care of you the way I wished I could.”
“But you just cut me out. I tried to call. I tried so many times, and your number changed. I didn’t need to be taken care of. I just needed you,” she says unable to meet my eyes. Her fingers twine together under the table as she fiddles with her engagement ring.
“I thought a clean break would be best. That if you thought I was in the background you might think I’d be coming back, but I knew you needed me to stay away.” She won’t look at me. “I’m not staying away anymore, though,” I add. “I want to be here for Sawyer and help out Sterling. I’ll head back to North Carolina when I have to, but I’m going to be here a lot. I want us to be able to— I don’t know. Maybe not be friends, but at least be able to say hi whenever we pass each other.”
Callie seems to think about what I’ve told her until she gets a text to her phone. Looking at her smart watch she sighs and picks up her coffee. Standing she looks down at me and says, “I have to go, but I think we can do that. We’re adults and a lot has changed. I think saying hi would be manageable.”
She collects her purse and heads toward the door. Standing, I watch her walk with such confidence. The boldness that first drew me to her even when we were so young. “Bye, Buttercup,” I say.
Pauses with one hand on the door, I can see her back expand with the sharp inhale she takes. Slowly, she turns back to me. The sun comes in through the glass door to her back and it sets off her blond hair causing her to look almost angelic. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and it’s this moment that I know I’ll never be able to replace my feelings for this girl with anyone else. Callie was it for me and anyone else I let in will only ever be second best.
“Goodbye, Beau,” she waves quietly, then pushes the door open and disappears into the afternoon heat. As final as goodbye’s usually are, this one didn’t seem like an ending. I know Callie’s about to marry Mason, but there’s a part of her that still longs for me. I can see it in her eyes. In the soft smile she tries to hide from me. The one she always gave me after saying she loved me.
I’m not sure if that knowledge is more painful knowing I can’t have her, but I’ll unpack those feelings later. Right now, I’m going to ride the high of talking with Callie and it’s going better than I ever could have expected.
The short drive back to the house was a blur. I don’t remember if I went the speed limit or making the correct turns. One minute I’m hyperventilating in my car the next I’m sitting in front of my garage. This is Beau’s fault. He didn’t have to talk to me. Granted I didn’t have to bump into him or help him.
When I saw him there, standing in the middle of the feminine hygiene aisle, I had to laugh. He just looked so lost. I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander down his tapered back. He’d always been really muscular; football had helped with that. But the shape he was in now, damn he looked good. His dark hair was cut short and into a fade as it disappeared at his neck.
Muscular shoulders rippled down to a tinier waist. I could only imagine what his abs must look like. He’d worked so hard on his six-pack back when we were dating. Now, they must be so defined you could wash clothes on his stomach. I’d been so lost in my appraisal that I hadn’t noticed I was moving in his direction until I’d bumped into him.
Talk about embarrassing.
Luckily, he had been so caught up in his tampon vs. pad dilemma that it wasn’t a big deal. He’d had that puppy dog face going on. I’d always been a sucker for that face. It was almost a pull deep inside me to help him. Now that I think of it, it was a little scary how much I wanted to help him. How easy it was to let him back in. How much I missed him.
Walking into the house, I almost forgot the groceries. Running back out, I loaded up both arms because there was no way I was making more than one trip. As I unloaded the bags into the pantry, I was dragged back to happier times with Beau. Times that I missed, where if I saw him at the grocery store I wouldn’t have to run over him to get his attention. I’d have just run across the store and jump into his arms.