“That was, in fact, the next thing I planned to bring up. I’ve let so many people down.”
A laugh tinkles from the drawing of me. “You can’t even get high right.”
“Would it offend you if I ripped up your drawing? It’s quite rude.”
“It’s not really talking to you.” Amusement lights his eyes. I’m not kidding, they’re literally glowing.
“I didn’t think you hallucinated on marijuana. Why is this happening?”
“Well, most people don’t mistakenly eat half the bag. You’re lucky you’re still standing.” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m going to get some normal candy and we’re going to watch stupid movies and you’re probably going to nap at some point.”
Sounds like heaven. He leads me to the couch and I snuggle up in the corner and strap in for the ride.
Seven
I am still high. Like cruising thirty thousand feet above the ground on a Doge and climbing through puffy marshmallow clouds, looking for the moon. I’d like my ticket refunded. Of course, if I were Lucy, I’d hop on a star and enjoy the wild ride.
I think I slept based on the fact my eyes are closed, so why am I still loopy? Did I drool on Ryan? I lift my head from his chest and his shirt is dry, thank God. Or maybe that’s bad, because I’m a drooler and if there’s no drool am I dreaming this whole thing? If I remember correctly, Ryan said I’d be better when I woke, but I’m trapped in a funhouse where every sound and color is magnified and distorted in a disturbing way.
“What happened?” I watch the blinds change from white to rainbow. “Am I asleep or awake?”
Ryan’s deep chuckle vibrates the entire room like an earthquake. “You’re awake.”
That’s not what I wanted to hear, because... “Why are my legs bacon then?” I screech. “Oh God, I can’t walk on bacon legs.” My heart rams against my chest as I try to move the floppy strips attached to my hips. Never have I regretted a decision as much as trying all the flavors. It’s karma for my fight with Charlotte. My first weed experience and I’ve lost my legs. Not to mention, they’re not even cooked crisp how I like. “Granny Mae will be so disappointed in me. She won’t approve of this. She’ll disown me, Ryan. I can’t lose my legs and Granny.”
“Chloe”—Ryan stands—“your legs are not bacon.”
My eyes trail up his body, which is now at least two feet taller. “You’re a giant. What is going on? This has to be a dream.” A nightmare is what it is.
“No, it’s not a dream. You just had too much at once.”
“What’s going to happen to me?”
Guess I should’ve asked that question before I consumed half the bag of edibles.
“Nothing bad.” He nuzzles his beard against what used to be my leg. “See? I wouldn’t touch bacon. I hate it.”
Fat tears well in my eyes. If they’re even still eyes. They could be eggs for all I know. “That’s so rude. You hate bacon? We can’t pick and choose what we get for legs. And honestly, I would have preferred sturdier sausage legs”—I point down—“but I got bacon.”
He vibrates the house again with another chuckle. “Sorry, you’re making me laugh. I promise your legs are not bacon. If they were, which they are not, I’d like them. A lot. They’d be my favorite bacon legs.”
“That’s sweet, but how do I know I can trust you?” That’s something else I should’ve asked before I gobbled up the gummies. Live and learn.
“Well, the beard doesn’t lie, but I’ll take your pants off and show you.” He reaches toward my waist and in a disturbing display, peels the bacon back to reveal my legs.
“Oh, thank heavens.” I let out a sigh of relief. “Now if I could just feel them.” As if I can will the numbness away, I stare and watch as they disappear into the couch—completely vanish. “My legs are gone. What the hell?” The tears gush out this time, like a faucet. “I would’ve made do with bacon. Shoes would have been hard, but at least I had something. Now I’m a torso.”
He thumbs away my tears. “No, they aren’t gone.” He crouches beside me and they reappear just in time for his tongue to glide from knee to upper thigh. “Do you feel that?”
“Yes. It feels…amazing.” He licks the other leg. I’m pleasantly fuzzy, and the spot where his beard tickles my skin is tingly times a thousand. “You said I’d be okay after I slept. How long was I out?”
“About twenty minutes.” Other parts of me become fairly tingly when his gray eyes lock with mine. Every nerve ending electrifies as he traces a finger along my panties. “You know, sex is a whole different experience when you feel like this.”
A small part of my brain doesn’t want to jinx our potential relationship with sex, but it’s too weak to prevail against the power of the beard. “I didn’t know that.”
“Want to try something a little different?”
Leery of “different,” I ask, “Like what?”
“Art sex.”
That sounds harmless, but just in case it involves balls, or being flogged with a paintbrush, “What’s that?”
“Take your clothes off. I’ll be right back.”
“Wait. Does it involve pain?”
“No. Only pleasure. Promise.”
He rises, and somehow, I undress with rubber arms while he’s gone. I’m not sure how I feel about being high. It’s strange. I’m turned on and oddly ravenous. If my legs were still bacon, I’d eat them, and that horrifies me.
Ryan returns with a large square box and sets it on the coffee table. “Damn.” His gaze lands on my naked body and he lets out a low whistle. “I can’t wait to touch you.”
I sigh. “I can’t have sex with you.”
If disappointment had a face, it would be Ryan’s. “Why?”
“I’m a cannibal. I was going to eat my bacon legs. What if you turn into pizza or something and I accidentally eat you?”
A grin spreads across his face and I swear, his teeth twinkle like brilliant stars. “Listen, none of that will happen. But we can wait. No pressure.”
“No, I really want art sex.” How can I turn down art sex?
“You sure?”
“Yes. What’s in the box?”
“I’ve had this for a while. Just been waiting for the right time to use it.” He yanks off the lid and removes an enormous canvas followed by two bottles of Prussian Blue paint.
“Your favorite color.”
“Yeah,” he says. “We’re going to create a masterpiece to hang on the wall.”
“I don’t understand what that has to do with sex.”
“It’s simple.” He spreads a sheet on the floor and lays the canvas on top. “We’re going to have sex on this. Our bodies will be the brushes.”
Sadly, I still overthink things while high. “Seriously? What if people ask what it is?”
“No one will ever know. It’ll be our inside joke.”