“Was he having an affair with her the whole time, Alex?” I eyeball Reeve’s best friend. “Did he sleep with her on more than one occasion?” It’s not that I’m doubting what Lori believes or that Saffron could’ve gotten pregnant from one night. If she was ovulating and they used no protection, it’s totally possible. What I am doubting is whether Saffron told her the truth. And whether Bodhi’s existence is the only thing Reeve was concealing.
“No.” He vigorously shakes his head. “Absolutely not. He hated her, Vivien. He hated how he let her come between you.” He takes a mouthful of beer while I gulp my wine. “She played him perfectly from the start. She was friendly, wanting to know about you, gushing about how amazing it was you two were so close and had such big plans. She stroked his ego, telling him how talented he was and how he was going places.”
“And he fell for that bullshit?” Dillon looks and sounds incredulous.
“He was out of his depth, Dillon. He was struggling without Viv. She always grounded him, and he had never been away from her before. He was drowning under the weight of responsibility. He was always trying to prove himself to that prick, Simon, and he wanted to prove to Vivien that he could go it alone and he could take care of her.” Alex looks at me. “That’s why he refused your mom’s help. He wanted to be able to say he’d done it all on his own.”
“But it backfired because that bitch stuck her claws in him,” Audrey adds.
“She had been acting all sisterly, speaking about her boyfriend, showing no sexual interest in Reeve, but she was gradually planting seeds of doubt, gradually getting more flirty and touchy-feely. By this point, things were strained with you, Viv, and he was seriously stressed and depressed. That’s when she started properly manipulating him. He was surrounded by older actors who all made it seem like doing drugs and fucking each other was the norm on sets.”
“And you expect me to believe he only kissed her at Christmas and had sex with her that time in Mexico?”
“I can only tell you what he told me, and that was it.” He scrubs a hand over his jaw. “By the way, he only told me all this after the fact. If you remember, I didn’t see much of him when I first moved to Boston.”
“I remember.”
“I wish he’d confided in me at the time. I might have been able to decipher the signs and warn him about her.”
“And you’re sure he was only with her on those occasions?” I ask because I need to know for my sanity.
“One hundred percent, Viv. Oh, she tried to seduce him many times, but he knocked her back.”
“I don’t know if I believe that anymore,” I admit. “And I don’t want to focus on that. It will only make me all ragey.” I reach out, squeezing Alex’s hand. “I just needed to know you weren’t keeping it a secret too.”
“I’m hurt you’d think I would, but I understand.”
“What are you going to do?” Audrey asks, her gaze bouncing between us.
“That’s the million-dollar question,” Dillon says, and we exchange a look.
“I don’t know if I can take him in, knowing he is hers. But he’s Reeve’s flesh and blood.” Tears fill my eyes. “At the funeral, I remember thinking how sad it was that there was no physical part of Reeve left behind. No son or daughter who carried his DNA. Now there is, and I don’t know what to do about it.” I scoot down on the couch, taking Dillon’s hand in mine. “And it’s not just my decision. This is something we have to decide together, and it’s got to be what’s best for our family.”
A week passes, and it’s hard to think about anything else but the situation we find ourselves in. Lori has called, asking if we want to come and visit. She thinks it might help if we meet him. I agree it makes sense, but how do we meet the child and then let him go if we decide we can’t do this? Having met him will make it all the more real.
“We need to make a decision,” Dillon tells me when he arrives back at the house after dropping Easton at school. “We are torturing ourselves and going around in circles.”
I turn away from the window, clasping my hands around my mug of peppermint tea. I’ve been staring out the window since I got off my call with Audrey. “I know.” Time is something Lori doesn’t have, and if we can’t do this, she deserves to know so she can make alternate arrangements.
“Let’s talk outside.” Dillon approaches, and I drink the rest of my tea, setting the cup down on the counter. Bending down, he kisses me. “I love you.”
I wrap my arms around his neck. “I love you too.” I kiss him softly, and we rest our brows together, just holding one another for a few minutes, both of us understanding the magnitude of our impending conversation—the culmination of many, many conversations we’ve had this past week. We have spoken among ourselves and talked with Jamie and Ash and both sets of parents. My in-laws spoke about the rewards and the challenges of adopting, and they offered a different perspective.
Dillon takes my hand and leads me out to the memorial garden. My heart is swollen with conflicting emotions as we sit down on the bench.
“You’re a prick,” Dillon barks, glaring at the wooden plaque he nailed to the tree. It has Reeve’s and Lainey’s names on it. “How could you do this to your son? To Vivien and Easton? To us?” He clutches my hand. “Now, we’re the ones left picking up the pieces.” He flips his middle finger up at the sky. “I hope you see that, you selfish jerk.”
I shouldn’t laugh, because there is nothing humorous about this, but I can’t help giggling. I rub his back. “Feel better?”
“A little.” He grins.
“I remembered something last night,” I tell him. “When we were arguing that last night in the car, Reeve mentioned how he had made sacrifices for me. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I know this is what he meant. He must have regretted his decision in that moment, Dillon.” I lift my hand, brushing waves of blond hair off his brow. “He must have felt so betrayed. I hate to think he died feeling like that.”
“He died protecting you, Vivien. That was his sole purpose in life. Keeping you safe was the last thing on his mind. He died loving you. You can be sure of that.”
“I never thought I’d wish for a boring life, but I really fucking do.” I stare into his gorgeous blue eyes. “Is it too much to ask for?”
“Life is never dull, that’s for sure.” He tweaks my nose, grinning when I slap his hand away.
“What do you want to do?” I ask, and his grin fades.
He lifts my hand to his mouth, and delicious tremors whip up my arm when he plants his lips on my skin. “I want to adopt him, Vivien. I want to give him a chance at a normal life. I want the boys to be brothers.”
My smile expands. “I want that too.”
Shock splays across his face. “Are you sure?”
I nod. “I’m terrified to do this, but I can’t say no either.” I chew on the inside of my mouth. “I spoke to Audrey before you came home. She and Alex offered to take him.”
His eyes pop wide. “Wow. That’s a big commitment to make.”