“We just talked. And I got drunk.”
“Drunk? Shit!”
“Mom! Don’t you curse! It sounds wrong.”
She presses her lips together. “You are the only one of my children that makes me use such vulgar language. You told me you would cut all ties.” Her glare is loaded with censure.
“I know. But seeing her finally put it all in perspective for me. You know, with the child. For the first time I felt…uncomfortable. More than uncomfortable. What we did. It was wrong.”
“What she did, darling. You were a child!” She purses her lips again and then sighs. “Christian, children will do that to you. They make you look at the world in a different light.”
“She finally got the message. I think. And so did I. I’m done with her. I hurt Ana.” Shame douses me once more.
“We always hurt the ones we love, darling. You’ll have to tell her you’re sorry. And mean it, and give her time.”
“She said she was leaving me.”
“Did you believe her?”
“At first, yes.”
“Darling, you always believe the worst of everyone, including yourself. You always have. Ana loves you very much, and it’s obvious you love her.”
“She was mad at me.”
“I’m sure she was. I’m pretty mad at you right now. I think you can only be truly mad at someone you really love.”
“I thought about it, and she’s shown me over and over how much she loves me, to the point of putting her own life in danger.”
“Yes, she has, darling.”
“Oh, Mom, why won’t she wake up?” Suddenly, it’s all too much. The lump in my throat swells, choking me, and I’m overwhelmed—the fight, Ana leaving, nearly dying, Hyde, Mia—fuck…and though I’ve tried to hold back my tears, I can’t. “I nearly lost her.” The words are strangled and barely audible as I voice my worst fear, and the dam breaks.
“Oh, Christian,” Mom gasps. She wraps her arms around me as I break down, and for the first time in my life, I weep in my mother’s arms: for my wife, my broken wife, and for myself, and the asshole I’ve been.
Hell. Hell. Hell.
Grace rocks me to and fro, kissing my hair and crooning soft words as she lets me cry. “It’s going to be okay, Christian. It’s going to be okay.”
She holds me. Tight. And I don’t want her to let go.
Mom.
The first woman to save me.
I sit up and wipe my face, and find she’s crying, too.
“For fuck’s sake, Mom, stop crying.”
Her tears turn to smiles. She hands me a tissue from her purse and takes one for herself. Reaching up, she caresses my face. “It’s taken twenty-four years for you to let me hold you like this,” she says sadly.
“I know, Mom.”
“Better late than never.” She pats my face, and I give her a watery smile.
“I’m glad we talked.”
“Me, too, darling. I’m always here.” She looks at me with nothing but love, and she grins with a hint of glee. “I can’t believe I’m going to be a grandmother!”
It’s darker. Later. I don’t know what time, and I’m too exhausted to look. Ana lies in her own private world.
“Oh, baby, please come back to me. I’m sorry. Sorry for everything. Just wake up. I miss you. I love you.” I kiss her knuckles and rest my head on my arms, on her bed.
It’s a soft touch, fingers running through my hair, and in this dream, I revel in her touch. Shit. I wake instantly and sit up. Ana is gazing at me with big, beautiful blue eyes. Joy bursts in my heart. I have never been so pleased to see those eyes as I am now.
“Hi,” she croaks, her voice hoarse.
“Oh, Ana.” Oh, thank God, thank God, thank God. I grasp her hand and hold her palm to my face so she’s caressing me.
“I need to use the bathroom,” she whispers.
“Okay.”
Ana tries to sit up.
“Ana, stay still. I’ll call a nurse.” Standing, I reach for the buzzer at her bedside.
“Please,” she whispers. “I need to get up.”
“Will you do as you’re told for once?” I snap.
“I really need to pee,” she rasps.
The nurse arrives, and she’s pleased to see Ana’s finally conscious. “Mrs. Grey, welcome back. I’ll let Dr. Bartley know you’re awake.” She makes her way to Ana’s bedside. “My name is Nora. Do you know where you are?” Her blue eyes twinkle kindly.
“Yes. Hospital. I need to pee.”
“I’ll fetch a bedpan,” Nurse Nora offers
Ana screws up her face in revulsion. “Please. I want to get up.”
“Mrs. Grey—” Nora is not convinced.
“Please.”
“Ana,” I warn as she struggles to sit up.
“Mr. Grey, I am sure Mrs. Grey would like some privacy.” Nora raises an eyebrow, and from her tone I know she’s dismissing me.
In your dreams, sweetheart. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Christian, please—” Ana grasps my hand, and I give hers a squeeze, beyond grateful that she’s back. “Please,” she says once more.
Shit.
“Fine!” I run my hand over my scalp, frustrated that she wants to be rid of me already. “You have two minutes,” I snap at Nurse Nora. I lean down and kiss my wife’s forehead and storm out of the room.
I pace the corridor.
Ana doesn’t want me anywhere near her.
Perhaps she’s can’t stand the sight of me.
I wouldn’t blame her.
Fuck. I can’t bear this.
I storm back into the room as Nora is helping Ana out of bed.
“Let me take her,” I say.
“Mr. Grey, I can manage,” Nurse Nora scolds, giving me an icy look.
“Damn it, she’s my wife. I’ll take her.” I move her IV stand out my way.
“Mr. Grey!” Nora chastises me, but I ignore her and carefully place my arms around and under my wife and lift her.
Ana wraps her arms around my neck, and I carry her into the adjacent bathroom. Nurse Nora follows, pushing the IV stand.