“Get me my money, Tammy,” Colin says, staring at me with an angry scowl, “or I’ll take it out on the boy.” He flips out a sharp knife with his other hand, bringing it to my chest. “I could take payment by carving out his fucking heart.”
The pee leaks out even though I don’t want it to. He always scares me so bad I pee my pants. A frustrated cry escapes me.
“You’ve always been all talk, asshole,” Momma sneers, not at all sounding worried that he’s going to cut me open and make me die. “Get out of my house. I’ll have your money next week.”
Colin shoves me back, shaking his head in disgust. “Clean yourself up. You’re an embarrassment.” He rises to his feet and glares at Momma. “Don’t fuck me around, woman, or so help me you’ll regret it.”
He storms out of the trailer, slamming the door behind him. I shakily stand up as Momma does. She rushes over to me, and for a second, I think she’s going to hug me and tell me everything will be okay. That only happens when I daydream, though. Instead, she smacks me hard on the cheek. I start to cry, rubbing my cheek.
“You always make it worse when you show up pissing yourself!”
“I’m s-sorry, Momma. I was t-trying to s-save you.”
She grabs me by the arm, hurting me and making me cry out before she drags me back to my room. With a hard shove, she sends me falling onto my bed in my pee-soaked jammies. My blanket will smell like pee now.
“Go to bed. I can’t fucking deal with you right now.”
The door closes hard enough to shake the whole trailer. A mouse squeaks somewhere in my dark room. I scurry under the blanket even though I still have pee on me, hiding from the mouse that’s somewhere in my room.
I can’t wait to go to school tomorrow.
At least there aren’t mice running around at school, and the teachers are nice to me. The other kids are funny and have cool stories to tell. For a few hours each day, I feel like a normal boy.
I sit upright in bed, a cold sweat soaking through my clothes. For a second, my skin crawls as I make sense of my surroundings. I can almost smell the scent of cigarette smoke and pee lingering in the air. A shiver ripples through me at the thought of mice running all over the place. Quickly, I turn on the bedside lamp and let out a breath of relief to see my immaculate room, vermin free.
A quick peek at my phone tells me it’s just after five in the morning. Knowing I won’t get any more sleep, I swap my soaked T-shirt and shorts for my workout clothes. After pulling on my tennis shoes, I tiptoe downstairs to the house gym. It’s massive and much better equipped than the one at school. I’m surprised to already find Ryan in there running on the treadmill. Usually, it’s Dad up this early.
He stops the machine when he sees me, stopping to towel off the sweat. Even though he’s much older than Canyon, they’re so strikingly similar. Same dark hair. Same probing stare. They even smile the same way.
I clear my throat and nod in greeting. “Hey.”
“You’re up early.”
“Yeah.”
“Another nightmare?”
I flinch and cast my stare out the window that overlooks the wooded area behind where we live. “Something like that.”
“Stress sometimes taps on old memories,” Ryan says in a soft, fatherly tone. “It’s okay to acknowledge where you’ve come from and where you’ve gone.” He walks over to me, clutching my shoulder. “You’re safe now.”
I close my eyes, cringing at his words. Dad and Ryan were best friends long before they were lovers. It shouldn’t bother me that they know everything about the other, but in this instance, it does. It’s bad enough that Dad knows about all the horrible things I endured growing up, but having Ryan know too feels dangerous.
“Canyon’s coming to the wedding,” I blurt out, needing desperately to change the subject.
His brows fly up in surprise. “No shit? How the hell did you manage that one?”
“We negotiated a deal.” I shrug my shoulders, not meeting his gaze.
“A deal with Canyon is never good for the dealmaker,” he says with a chuckle. “Trust me, he’s swindled me out of money and talked me into getting him what he wants over the years. The boy has a silver tongue.”
Warmth surges to my balls as I remember how his tongue roved over my neck, taunting and teasing.
“Nothing I can’t handle. It’s fine.” I clear my thoughts and step away from him to start stretching. “He’s going to work on Carrie. Hopefully, she’ll come too.”
He sits down on a weight bench to watch me. “Hope so. She’s always been a tough nut to crack. More so than Canyon.” He smiles in my direction. “Thank you.”
“Not a big deal.”
“It is to me. You’re a good kid.”
He wouldn’t think that if he knew what I did to get Canyon to agree to go to the wedding. It would be mortifying if he ever found out. My only assurance that Ryan will never find out is that it’s Canyon’s dick in the picture and not mine. I seriously doubt Canyon would want pictures of his dick getting licked to come out, especially to his dad.
I continue through my stretches as he benches some weights, grunting with each lift. My mind is all over the place. I hate that it keeps going back to the past, the memories too fresh and painful for me to focus on my workout. Eventually, I give up and take a long shower. I stroke myself with the image of Canyon’s heated stare looking down at me as I put my tongue on his dick. I come with a growl, spurting my release under the hot spray of the shower.
Drying off, I dress for school and then pick up my phone. I send a text to him.
Me: I owe you a Coke.
Brother Lover: You owe me a lot more than a Coke. Soon we’ll figure it all out.
I stare at his words, wondering what that means, but since I wasted so much time in the shower, I need to get moving. Quickly, I tidy up my bathroom and make my bed. I tilt my head to the side, straining to hear any squeaks or scratching sounds that seem to still be so loud in my head from my dream.
Silence aside from Dad’s and Ryan’s muted voices downstairs.
I’m not in that trailer anymore.
I’m here. In the present. Dad is going to keep me. This will always be my home.
Too bad I won’t allow myself to actually believe that.
Canyon
Like the creepy stalker Naomi claims me to be, my eyes immediately find Alis the second I walk into first hour. His usual smugness is gone, and his spine is rigid. Messy blond hair hangs in his eyes and sticks up in a few spots as though he’s been tugging at it. Dark circles ring his eyes, and he seems paler than usual. Seeing him on edge puts me on edge.
Making a beeline straight for him, I sit behind him and lean forward to bring my mouth close to his ear.
“Afraid I’m going to kick your ass in this class?” I taunt, though lacking my usual venom.
He turns slightly, offering me his profile. A smirk tugs at the corner of his lips. “Never crossed my mind. We both know I’m better at everything.”
The urge to touch him is nearly maddening. I curl my hands into fists so I don’t do something stupid like run my fingers through his hair to smooth it back down.