“Living under the same roof as you is proving to be quite difficult,” I grumble, adjusting my once-again hard dick in my jeans.
“Very hard indeed,” he agrees, glancing down at my cock before his grin kicks up even wider.
I flip him off, earning a chuckle.
“I got you a birthday present. Stay here.”
My eyes are glued to his ass in his jeans as he exits my room. Seconds later, he returns with a rolled-up tube and a small gift sack. I’m slightly giddy over the fact my boyfriend got me a birthday present.
Boyfriend.
Mine.
He may be a secret boyfriend, but he’s still mine.
I take the tube from him and unroll the paper. It’s a giant poster. Of Daisuke and Chibi. One where they’re kissing. We’ve been watching the episodes together, but we haven’t made it to the part where they fall for each other. Seeing their lips pressed together in a passionate kiss, hands clutching at the other so desperately, makes my heart squeeze.
“You like it?” His voice is a deep rumble that vibrates all the way through my nerve endings. “I thought it’d make your room feel more like home.”
I freeze at his words. This is more than just a poster of the show we’ve been watching. It’s an effort to root me into this life I feel I could be plucked from at any moment.
“Canyon,” I rasp out, my throat tight with an emotion I can’t quite put my finger on. “That was—”
“Wonderful, Wonderland.” He lifts his chin in a cocky, smug fashion that has me rolling my eyes. “Here. Open this.”
I roll the poster back up, setting it on my bed, and then take the sack from him. After pulling out the tissue, I retrieve a picture frame. It’s one our dads took after a meet. Canyon’s arm is slung over my shoulders. He’s grinning like an arrogant prick since he beat my time. To anyone else, it’d seem like friendly picture of two teammates.
To me, it’s a framed picture of my boyfriend and me.
I can proudly display it in my room, and no one will be wiser.
“You can set it up on the end table beside the lube. Give you something to look at while you whack off.”
I toss it on the bed, arching a brow up. “Isn’t that what you’re for? I’ll never have to jerk off when I have you to do it for me.”
He steps forward until we’re nearly touching. I have to tilt my head back to look into his electric sapphire eyes as he towers over me. Sometimes, looking at him feels like a dream. Too perfect to be real. His hands grip my ass, squeezing. The tenderness inside of my ass reminds me he’s real all right—real and mine.
“You’re not going anywhere. You do realize that, right?”
When he says it, I want to believe it.
“I sure as hell don’t want to,” I admit. “Thank you for my gifts.”
“When we get back later, we’ll watch the episode where Daisuke realizes he thinks Chibi is hot.” His playful expression fades as reality seems to punch him in the gut, and he swallows hard. “I’m afraid…”
To go to the hospital.
To see her.
I hug him tight. “I know. It’s going to be okay. She’s getting help.”
“I hope so.” His voice cracks. “Jesus, I fucking hope so.”
“I know so.”
“Something’s wrong,” Dad says from the table as I load dirty plates into the dishwasher. “You’re quiet.”
Am I that obvious?
“Just worried about Canyon,” I admit with a sigh. “Carrie too.”
He stands and walks over to me. “You’ve gotten really close with him lately. I must say, Ryan and I are pleasantly surprised. I mean, all those years that neither of you showed any interest in getting to know the other. The fact that we’re getting married and you’re both putting in such an effort means a lot to us.”
I chew on my bottom lip, unable to shake the bout of nerves rattling through me. One of the plates slips from my grip and bangs loudly against the edge of the sink.
“It’s nothing,” I mutter.
“It is to me, Alis.” He clutches my shoulder and gives it a loving squeeze. “I always wanted to give you a complete family.”
Ugh.
Sometimes reality is a bitch.
This is a cold, hard reminder of exactly why Canyon and I need to remain a secret. Because if our dads find out…fuck. It’ll be so bad.
“When did you know you were in love with Ryan?” I ask, still unable to meet his gaze.
He chuckles. “God. Probably when you were ten years old.”
When I came to live with him. Those times were so…fucked up. So damn terrifying. All I wanted was my mom, but she didn’t want me. She wanted booze, and whatever boyfriend was hanging around at the time.
I’d stupidly believed that our move to Florida was a turning point. Turns out, she just wanted a babysitter. Someone to pawn her son off on. She didn’t want to save me from Colin; she wanted to piss him off.
“It was that first month when you came to stay. Tammy…” Dad lets out a heavy sigh. “My sister screwed up. You know that, right? It was her loss. You were her loss.” He grabs my shoulders, turning me to face him. “Taking you in was the best thing I’d ever done. Still is. I love you more than words can describe.”
Hot tears sting my eyes. I cast my gaze to the front of his chest so I don’t have to see his pitying look.
“You were so sullen,” he whispers. “Withdrawn. Jumpy. You felt abandoned.”
She left me.
She dropped me off on her brother’s doorstep and left me.
A tear leaks out, streaking down my cheek. I don’t bother wiping it away. Why? Why did she drag me away from my school and teachers and friends and Colin just to drop me off with an uncle I’d never met and didn’t know?
“Every time the house made a noise, you’d cry.” Dad’s voice grows hoarse. “You’d tremble so badly, Alis. It broke my fucking heart.”
“I hate mice,” I offer lamely.
“I know, kid. I know. And I wanted to help you. I just didn’t know how. What the hell did I know about raising children?”
I remember those early days. I was so lost and afraid. Confused. I’d felt more unloved than ever before. But, for the first time, no one physically hurt me. I tried not to grow attached to “Uncle Quinn,” but then it got too hard. Especially after the accident. Mom eventually came back but inside an urn. I never got to say goodbye. Never got to ask any questions. I was just someone else’s problem. The boy dropped off on Mom’s brother’s doorstep, no longer someone for her to worry about.
Another tear slips down my cheek, and I sniffle.
“God, Alis, you break my heart,” Dad croaks, pulling me to him for a hug. “You did then, too. All I wanted was to be the parent you never had. I needed help, and Ryan had a son your age. I’d always loved Ryan as my best friend. I thought if I loved him hard enough, he’d turn gay for me.” He laughs, but it’s sad. “I had delusions that we could be a family. Parent our boys together, and they’d be best friends too.”
Canyon barely looked up from his phone anytime they came to visit, much less hang out with me. Carrie was always too focused on her dolls to want to play.