“We’ll always be here, Oliver! We love you!” someone else shouted from the crowd.
“I love you too,” he apprehensively snickered. “I, um, to be honest I’ve been going through a very rough patch lately. As many of you know, I lost my best friend a few months back, and I didn’t handle it in the best way possible. But I was lucky enough to have a team who didn’t give up on me. I want you all to know that you are a part of that team. Thank you for showing up for me, even though I’m flawed.”
He brushed his hand beneath his nose, and I could almost feel his nerves tingling through my system. “I went over and over how to start this show tonight. I thought about coming out here with insane energy and performing like a madman up here. I thought the bigger, the better, like my brother. My brother was a force on the stage. His energy was magical, but that wasn’t who I was, and that’s not who I am now. Truthfully, I’ve been feeling pretty small these past months. So, in the spirit of being authentic, I figured we’d start that way tonight, and build up. Is that okay with you, Los Angeles?”
The City of Angels cheered him on.
“Okay, so this is my brother’s guitar. I figured I should play it as a way of having him here onstage with me. But a sweet little girl reminded me that he’s always with me, even if I can’t see him. So, we are going back in time with the first song that Alex and I ever recorded together. If you’re an ancient fan, you know it. If you’re new, here’s a part of me. And I apologize ahead of time if I get lost in myself. I’m trying my best. This is ‘Heart Stamps.’”
My hand flew to my chest as Reese and Kelly began jumping up and down as Oliver began to play the song that saved me during so many of my darkest days.
As he began singing, his voice filled the arena like magic dust. The words rolled off his tongue as if they were a part of his soul, and he was sharing it all with us. Everything was going fine, until he looked out into the audience when he got to the chorus, and he stumbled over his emotions.
“And I’ll keep your heart stamped,” he began, but the overwhelming feelings overtook him, and he stepped away from the microphone as tears began to roll down his cheeks. I wanted to rush up to hold him. I wanted him to feel my comfort, that he wasn’t alone in that very moment. But I quickly realized that he didn’t need my comfort in that very moment.
He had ten thousand people surrounding him with love, singing the lyrics that his voice struggled to push out.
I’ll keep your heart stamped
Right against mine, every beat, every time
I’ll keep your heart stamped
Through the dark days you face, and the shadows you’ve chased
Your heart stamps with mine.
Your heart stamps on mine.
Everything will be fine
Because your heart beats in sync with mine.
It was the most powerful moment I’d ever witnessed. Oliver stepped closer to the microphone, tears still falling, but I could tell they were now from the love that filled that arena. He began strumming the guitar again and singing as the chorus came back around.
When love met pain, beauty could be created.
My lips moved to the lyrics as a woman came toward the empty seat beside me. I was completely thrown off when her hand took mine in her hold. I snatched it away quickly before turning to see Sammie standing there beside me. Her eyes were washed with tears, and she gave me the most broken smile.
I didn’t understand. I didn’t know why she was there, or how she knew where I was going to be. Yet the moment I looked up at the stage to find Oliver singing the chorus once more, I knew he’d had a hand in this.
I turned to Sammie, and I wanted to yell at her. I wanted to tear her apart and snap for what she and our parents were putting me through with Reese.
But “Heart Stamps” was our song.
It was us for so very long, and Sammie looked so broken, so I did the only thing I could think to do. I took her hand in mine and held on tight.
I felt her trembles intensify as I gripped her hand. She began falling apart as tears rolled down her cheeks. Her eyes shut, and I watched as her lips slightly mouthed the words of the song. Then, I sang along with her.
Your heart stamps with mine.
Your heart stamps on mine.
Everything will be fine
Because your heart beats in sync with mine.
39
EMERY
After the concert, Oliver drove Sammie and me to his house so we could have the conversation that needed to happen. Kelly took Reese to her place for a sleepover, because I wanted to make sure she had no interactions with Sammie. Honestly I wasn’t sure if Sammie was still on our parents’ side.
If anything, we had to have the heart-to-heart that we should’ve had years ago.
“I’ll be in the studio if you need me,” Oliver said, kissing my cheek. “But take all the time you need.”
He gave Sammie a broken smile as he walked out of the living room, leaving us to ourselves. The silence was heavy, and I hadn’t a clue where to even start with her, but I knew we had to start somewhere.
“I—” we both said in unison.
Uncomfortable laughter fell from both of us, and Sammie gestured toward me. “You go first.”
I sat down on the couch, and she sat across from me. My mind was spinning wildly as I tried to control my thoughts. “Why did you leave?” I asked. “All those years ago, why did you leave?”
She lowered her head. “I didn’t know how to stay. I was losing myself, Emery. I was in a dark place and didn’t see a way out of it. And when I looked at that baby, the thoughts I had were even darker. I left because I felt as if I was going to hurt her. I left because I didn’t know how to stay.”
“You left her alone in an apartment, Sammie!” I argued, tossing my hand up in irritation. Every now and again, I’d think back on that day, on the screaming child, and my heart would break all over again.
“I know! I know! Okay. If you’re just going to yell at me, I can just go—”
She began to stand, and I reached across to her and grabbed her arm.
“No,” I said sternly. “You have to stop running, and I’m guessing you came because you’re tired of that.”
“I don’t need to be yelled at and hear how you hate me.”
“Me yelling isn’t because I hate you, Sammie. It’s because I love you, and you hurt me! You hurt me to my core. And then, finding out that you’ve been seeing our parents and not me broke me even more. And now the idea that they are pushing to have custody of Reese is insane. You have to know this. Don’t you remember what it was like for us growing up? Why would you even want that for her? They are toxic, Sammie.”
“Mama said she could do better this time . . . better than she did with us,” she whispered, shaking her head. “And she said she’d let me back into their family completely, not just once every now and again. That’s all I want, Emery. I just want things to go back to how they used to be.”
“Nothing is ever going to go back to what it used to be. That’s impossible, and truthfully, you shouldn’t want it to be the way it used to. Our parents controlled us and belittled us, Sammie, making it hard for us to trust anyone or anything.”
Her lips parted and her trembles returned. I hated how nervous and fragile she seemed all the time. Even though I was upset with her, it still broke my heart to see her so damaged.