She was shaking her head by the time he finished.
“Listen, James, I think that you’re feeling a little guilty. For getting me all involved in all of this and then having it turn out like this. You’re a fixer. You came across my landing because you saw someone who you thought was lonely or needed to get out more or who needed, at least, to be flirted with a little. But you don’t have to feel responsible here. It’s not your fault this didn’t work out. I got caught up, and I’m sad and upset, and I’m going to miss him, but I don’t need fixing, and I don’t need an adventure. There doesn’t always have to be a dog, or a baby, or a mystery to solve, or a mission. This is all… chaos. It will always be chaos. And I don’t want that. I’m very happy with my books and my tea and my schedules and my classes. So you don’t have to worry about me. And you definitely don’t have to marry me.”
And while he was still, clearly, flabbergasted, she slipped past him and headed off for class, leaving her apartment wide open for him and their dog whining by the empty food dish.
James would take care of it.
That was what he did.
10
Four nights later, four bottles of wine later, four nights of crying herself to sleep later, there was a pounding on her door.
Harper glared at it.
She was mad at him for staying away for four nights. Of course, he’d worked two of those four nights. Still, James had left her completely alone. She hadn’t pegged him for the leave-her-alone type. Unless, of course, he realized she was right about everything, and he’d only been trying to fix the quiet, tea-drinking bookworm that he thought needed a little excitement and romance in her life.
She was also mad at him for not leaving her alone now. Because the moment she saw him, she was going to burst into tears. And probably climb him like a tree.
God, she missed him.
She missed Isaac. She missed Henry. She’d seen Ami, of course. But James had even been considerate enough to come and get the dog, and return him, while she was at class.
Things were pretty much back to how things had been before Isaac.
And it all sucked.
Turned out, she did need to be fixed. She needed to be dragged into adventures.
She didn’t want him to be considerate. She wanted him pounding on her front door, demanding she let him in, so he could tell her she was crazy and that he was madly in love with her, and he wasn’t just trying to take care of her, all while stripping her clothes off and putting her up against her front door.
Harper didn’t even bother to pull her glasses off or the tie out of her hair. She marched to the door and yanked it open.
But it wasn’t James.
Well, it wasn’t James that had been pounding on her door anyway. Because he was sitting on the ground, propped against his front door, looking exhausted, and very pouty.
The pounding had come from Caleb and Logan.
“I don’t suppose you would be able to keep that off the streets tonight, would you?” Caleb asked without even a hello. He jabbed a thumb in James’s direction. “He needs a babysitter, and we both have to work. I know you don’t want to talk to him, and hey, I get it, but seriously, he has to stay in tonight and get some sleep. He’s a fucking mess, and I’m gettin’ damned sick of him.”
She blinked at the big man, then at Logan, then peered around them at James again.
He did look like a fucking mess.
“What is going on?” she asked.
“He’s been out looking for Isaac’s mom,” Caleb said. “He’s tryin’ to figure out if someone he knows or he’s helped in the past had a baby recently they might have dropped off with him. He’s talked to a bunch of the homeless kids he helps out once in a while, talked to people he knows from the club, interrogated the firefighters, went through records of the fire calls we’ve done in the past few months, was harassing Lexi in the ER about medical calls we’ve done. She had to have security throw him out last night.”
“He was at Trahan’s tonight tryin’ to figure out if any of the people he’s met there have had a baby,” Logan added.
“Oh boy.” Harper sighed. Then she nodded. “Yes, of course I’ll take care of him. Bring him in.”
Caleb and Logan hoisted James to his feet and led him to her apartment. Harper stepped back to let them in. James's eyes were glued on her the entire time.
“Is he drunk?” she asked.
“No, actually,” Caleb said. They half-lowered, half-dropped him onto her couch. “Exhausted. I don’t think he’s slept more than three hours at a time over the past few days. The chief sent him home from the station the last night because he was clearly not worth a shit.”
Her eyes widened. “That can’t be good.”
“Nope. He’s in trouble. But he can’t handle that until all of this with Isaac is figured out, I’m guessing.”
James had his head tipped back against the back of her couch, his eyes shut. He hadn’t shaved in at least two days, he had dark circles under his eyes, and he was wearing jeans and a rumpled hoodie. He looked terrible. And wonderful. She’d missed him so much.
She missed Isaac, too. She ached with worry. But Shelly had told her he was with a very nice family with two little girls and that he was doing fine. He was healthy, sleeping well, eating well. The family was even interested in possibly adopting him. That made her ache even though she knew she should be happy. Isaac deserved a warm, stable family with sisters and a mom and dad and all of that. Harper still wanted him.
“You got this?” Logan asked, looking at her.
She nodded. “Definitely.”
“Call us if you need us,” Caleb said. “We’re headin’ to work, but you know how to get ahold of us.”
“I do.”
“Call me first,” Logan said. “I can get away easier than Caleb.”
It was true that leaving the bar, that he owned, would be easier than getting Caleb away from the fire station. “Got it.”
They left, and she closed and locked the door behind them. Then she turned and regarded James.
“Missed you, Professor,” he said, his eyes still shut.
“Missed you, too,” she confessed. She wasn’t sure she should. They should just cut ties. She didn’t want all the craziness James brought into her life. It was too hard. It was fun when it was fun, but when it hurt… it really hurt. He’d acknowledged, himself, that his life was crazy. He’d tried to give her an out. He’d told her she didn’t have to be involved with Isaac. Even he’d realized this wasn’t really her thing.
“Come here.” James held out a hand.
His head was still back, and she thought he was only minutes away from falling asleep. But she went. She slipped her hand into his, and he tugged her down onto the couch beside him.
“Isaac is okay,” she said softly, unable to keep from reaching up and brushing his hair back from his forehead.
“I know. Shelly called me.”
“So why are you killing yourself to find his mom?” she asked.
“Because I want him.” James took a deep breath, rolled his head toward her, and opened his eyes. “I want him, Harper. And I would have thought that it was because someone trusted me with him and wanted me to have him, and I like feeling like someone people can depend on that way—and that is true. But it’s also because I love him.”