Thanatos tensed further with each thrust, his length growing harder inside her, thickening.
On a low, vicious snarl, he pulled out of her and she gasped as hot seed splashed across her stomach, stared wide-eyed at his length as it throbbed and kicked just above her.
Before she could process what he had done, he had reached into the pool, scooped up water and tossed it over her, washing away the evidence of his climax.
He shoved to his feet, breathing hard, his hands shaking as he fixed his clothing and then ran them through his hair.
She braced herself, aware of what was coming. It didn’t make it hurt any less when he turned on her, rage shining in his burning blue eyes. He looked at her damp stomach, sneered to flash teeth and paced away from her.
As he glared at her, accusation in his gaze, the warmth he had made her feel turned to ice in her veins and she sat up, folded her arms over her stomach and looked down at herself. What had she done wrong this time? She cursed herself for thinking that. She hadn’t done anything wrong.
Thanatos had.
“Get out of my sight,” she bit out, ignoring the tremble in her voice and how her throat tightened as her eyes burned. She wasn’t going to cry over this, over him. She had done nothing wrong.
When he just stared at her, a flicker of something akin to regret and fear in his eyes, she growled and bared short fangs at him, and raised her right hand.
A wall of vines shot up between them, sweeping around to enclose the pool.
Calindria pulled herself onto her trembling legs and stepped into that pool, sniffled as she waded deep enough that when she sat down, the warm water covered her breasts. She rubbed her stomach, cleaning herself, and then her legs, tried to shut out the world as she bathed. Her heart sunk as she sensed Thanatos leave, the tears she hadn’t wanted to spill rising to line her lashes now that she was alone.
She drifted in her thoughts as she soaked, recalling that he had told her he had little control over himself at times. She wanted to know what event in his past had made him react like this whenever he was close to her, but at the same time she didn’t. A part of her feared that if she knew, her feelings for Thanatos would only grow, and she would be damning herself to a miserable life if it turned out that he couldn’t overcome this darkness that made him lash out at her.
Right now, she was only falling for him. What if she fell in love with him and he still reacted this way whenever they were intimate, spurning her and making her feel she had done something wrong? That wasn’t the sort of life she wanted for herself, constantly made to feel bad, and to feel used and unwanted, guilty when she was sure she had done nothing wrong.
So it was better to hurt herself now and spare herself worse pain later.
She wouldn’t be intimate with him again, not even to kiss him, or hold his hand. This thing with Thanatos ended here.
It was over.
Chapter 19
He was ruining everything.
Probably destroying the best thing that had ever happened to him.
Thanatos adjusted his grip on the long tail of the unfortunate beast that had taken the brunt of his anger, dragging it behind him across the valley. The Keres were long gone, but other creatures had appeared, and one of the large reptilian beasts had been foolish enough to attack him.
He sighed, his left biceps stinging where the creature had managed to bite him. The wound was probably poisoned, burned like hell, but he didn’t care. The only thing he cared about was making Calindria see that once again he was sorry.
For one sweet moment, he had been sure he could be with her without his past rearing up on him, clouding his mind and colouring his actions, but as he had drawn close to finding release, fear had gripped him and he had ended up spilling on her fair skin instead.
And then he had made everything worse.
He dragged his free hand down his face and groaned, curled his lip as he smelled the reptile’s saliva on his palm. He grunted and glared back at the dead thing. The light from the distant volcanoes shimmered over its iridescent scales. Maybe he should have let it kill him. He might have forgotten everything he had done wrong over the last week then, his mind wiped clean by the resurrection. Sometimes, it messed with his memories like that.
Not that he had died in a long time.
Too long.
Would death relieve him of this emotional baggage? He didn’t really want to think about that, as tempting as it was. If it did, it would be because he had forgotten this life.
And he didn’t want to forget the time he had spent with Calindria.
He ducked as he entered the tunnel that would take him back to her, flexed his fingers around the reptile’s tail again and tried to think of what to say to her when he presented this peace offering. Guilt churned his stomach to hot acid that bubbled so fiercely he was sure he wouldn’t be able to eat a thing even when he needed to keep his strength up.
Who could eat at a time like this? It felt as if his whole world was hanging in the balance.
Thanatos stepped into the crystal cavern again and wasn’t surprised to see the wall of vines still in place or the fact Calindria was still safely hidden behind them. Water splashed softly and he tried his damnedest not to picture her naked in the pool. He had no right to imagine her like that, not after what he had done.
On a heavy sigh, he dumped the dead creature in the middle of the cavern, next to the sticks and logs he had gathered from the black forest outside, and focused on getting the fire going. He held his hand out to it and blue flames engulfed the wood. Satisfied it would remain going, he pulled the dagger from his other vambrace and moved to the reptile, gutted and skinned it, and cut off large slabs of white flesh. He skewered them on long sticks and constructed a stand for them over the fire, rested them on it and looked at the vines.
Calindria still didn’t emerge.
He stood and sucked down a breath, blew it out and flexed his fingers. He was sure his peace offering wasn’t going to work, but a spark of hope still flickered weakly, pathetically, inside him as he strode towards the wall she had built.
Rather than peeking around it, he stopped at the right end of it and turned his back to it.
“I found food.” At least he thought it was edible. He would try it first, just in case the creature’s meat was as toxic as its bite. “Will you come and eat?”
“No.”
The exact answer he had expected.
“You need to eat.” He needed to find a better way to break the ice between them. Telling her the reason he was so messed up would be a good place to start, but just the thought of revealing that part of his past to her had him clamming up and filled his mind with all the ways she would mock him for how weak he had been. So he settled for what he could say. “I am sorry.”
“Oh. You’re sorry. Again. I tire of your apologies.” Water sloshed and dripped, and her anger hit him like a tidal wave. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ever met you.”
He winced. He deserved that, and he was sure she didn’t mean it. He hoped.
Material rustled behind him and her scent of wild lilies hit him hard. He looked down to his left and she appeared there, a corona of crimson shining around her pupils as she glared at him. The damp strands of her golden hair fell around her face, making him want to brush them back. For a heartbeat, she looked as if she wanted to say more than that, wanted to give him hell, maybe even attack him, but then she huffed and stomped off, heading for the fire.