She opened her mouth to say she’d missed him too, but once again her brain disconnected and acted independently, and what came out was, “I love you, Simon.”
She froze. And so did he. She closed her eyes but it was the damn truth. She loved him. But she hadn’t intended to put it out there, and certainly hadn’t meant to say it first, before she knew his feelings.
In the space between her heartbeats, she could hear Hog snoring, the TV soft in the background, the cadence of Simon’s heart. All so normal, when what she felt was anything but.
Simon slid out from beneath her and dropped to his knees, cupping her face as he looked into her eyes, his own brimming with emotion. “Marry me, Emma.”
Her eyes flew open. She stared at him. “Did you really just . . . ?”
“Yes. Which is what I hope you’re about to say.”
“Oh my God.” Marry him. The idea took hold and she felt her eyes well up, but she was also laughing. “You know my last engagement didn’t work out so well for me.”
“So let’s skip the engagement. Let’s just do it. I don’t have a ring yet, but we can do that tomorrow and be married by the weekend.”
She laughed.
He didn’t, and a sense of unease began to spread through her. “That sounds . . . great, but I’d really want my parents to be here, and they’d have to fly in. And I’d need time to get a dress . . . A few months at least.” She smiled. “Besides, what’s the rush? A piece of paper doesn’t matter to me, just knowing we’re together is the good part.”
“But if we got married now, before the end of the second quarter, then I’d be able to get you on my insurance in the third quarter, and you could get your procedure back on the books. And with my coverage, there’s almost no copay.”
She shook her head, confused. “Why are we talking about my procedure in the same sentence as marriage?”
“Because the marriage will allow my insurance to cover your procedure.”
Emma’s world stopped turning on its axis and she felt herself tremble because she was suddenly cold to the bone. Standing, she wrapped the blanket around her tightly, feeling like her heart had just been sliced in half. Right. She loved Simon. But he hadn’t said it. He was just trying to take care of her, which, okay, was sweet, but entirely misguided.
Hog padded over to her, watching her face carefully before pushing up against her legs with a soft whine.
Simon stood up too and held the blanket closed for her. “This is something that’s easy for me to do, and it protects you.”
She held up a hand. “Just to be clear,” she said, not giving away any of her sudden urge to beat him over the head with a couch cushion. “You’re proposing to me so I’ll be covered by your insurance.”
“It’s the solution to all your problems,” Simon said.
Look at him with all the answers. “Yeah,” she said tightly, holding on to her composure by a thread. “Except one—you proposing to me for insurance reasons.”
“It’d get you the surgery—”
“Oh my God.” The man had lost his mind. “I’m not marrying you for insurance coverage, Simon! I’d rather stay exactly as I am.”
“But—”
“No.” Damn, she never knew she could be so hurt and mad at the same time. No, that wasn’t actually true, was it? She just never thought she’d be here in this state again. She’d learned nothing. “The last guy I was engaged to, the second things got difficult, he bailed. And now you’re offering to marry me for the insurance. So tell me, Simon, how’s that going to last, if love couldn’t?”
“We love each other,” he said.
There it was, but somehow it no longer mattered. Hog was licking her toes. Apparently he loved her too. She nodded, her throat so tight it hurt to talk. “The answer’s still no.” She went to storm out before remembering she was in her own apartment. So she yanked open the front door. “Please go.”
Simon moved toward her. “Emma—”
“I want to be alone.”
He opened his mouth, but she was done. She gave him a nudge over the doorsill and shut the door on his sexy, handsome, confused face.
Chapter 26
Step 26: Trust.
Emma took an Uber to Alison’s place. By the time the driver pulled to the curb, she was crying so hard she could hardly see.
Alison opened the door before she knocked. “He’s such an idiot. Come in.”
“You know?”
“Yeah. He called to tell me what he did and I hung up on him for you.”
Emma choked out a laugh as she followed Alison inside, where they went straight to the kitchen. Alison pulled a bottle of vodka from the freezer and grabbed two shot glasses.
They each tossed back a shot and Emma let out a pained breath as it burned all the way down, matching the fire already in her chest. “Okay, I feel a little better.”
“Liar.”
“Yeah.” What Simon had done had hurt her worse than everything she’d been through: the last year of recovery and physical therapy, losing the two people closest to her, having to change careers . . . everything. “I’m fine.”
“Then why are you still crying?”
“Dammit.” Emma covered her face. “I’m afraid I’ll never be able to stop. I thought it was real.”
“It was real. It is real. His intentions are good, Emma, even if his timing and delivery sucked. He loves you.”
Emma shook her head. “A person who loves you doesn’t propose for monetary reasons. They propose because they love you so much they can’t imagine living another moment without you being theirs.”
Alison sat down next to her. “Okay, far be it from me to pretend to be an expert here, but play along with me. Maybe he really does love you, and he did what he did because he’s terrified of people walking out on him. If he told himself he was proposing to help you out with your surgery and it didn’t work out . . . well, that wouldn’t hurt as bad as proposing for love alone, only to find out you don’t love him enough to say yes.”
“I do love him enough. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”
“Ouch,” Alison said in a teasing tone, hand to her heart.
“I’m serious.”
“I know. And this is serious. But some people”—Alison coughed and said “Armstrongs” at the same time—“need to hear ‘I love you’ more than once for it to sink in and really believe it.”
Emma just stared at her. “If I say something, I mean it.”
“Yes, but not everyone means it. Simon’s heard it before and then still been walked away from.”
Emma had known this, but she’d compartmentalized it. She’d taken the time to think about how her past relationships affected her, but she hadn’t thought about how Simon’s past relationships might’ve affected him.
“Emma—”
She held up her hand. “Processing. Hold, please.”
Alison gave her a minute, but apparently that was her limit. “In my family, we show our love by taking care of people. Think about all Simon’s done for the people in his life. For you, including giving up his apartment, trying to marry you so you’d be protected by his insurance . . . He’s a guy of action, Emma, not words.”