Emma nodded, feeling suddenly, overwhelmingly sad. “I know.”
“You love him.”
Emma nodded again. “I do.”
Alison looked to be warring with her conscience for a moment. “I’m really sorry I was so mean to you in high school.”
“I’m sorry I took your scholarship.”
Alison looked down at her tightly clasped fingers. “I’m even more sorry that I called you a practice friend.”
Emma lifted a shoulder. “I worked myself up over that, but I just realized something.”
“What?”
“It’s much more about actions than words with you. And your actions told me you weren’t practicing.” She met Alison’s gaze. “You like me.”
Alison rolled her eyes.
“See?” Emma pointed at her. “You do. You like me. Say it.”
“Seriously?” Alison asked.
“Seriously.”
“I’ll say it if you acknowledge that I had the higher GPA in high school and should’ve gotten that scholarship.”
“By one-tenth of a point!”
“Still higher than yours,” Alison said.
Shit. True. “They don’t even measure to the one-tenth of a point! In their eyes, we were equal.”
Alison shrugged. “Not exactly equal.”
Emma had to laugh as she yanked Alison into her for a big hug. “Don’t freak out; real friends do this too. They also say they like each other. I like you, Ali.” She pulled back and waited expectantly.
Alison huffed out a breath. “Fine. I like you, all right? Jeez! But if you tell anyone or make me say it again, the rent on this building is going up.”
“Not a chance. You’re too cheap to let our rent go up. You—” Emma broke off at the sight of a man outside the large picture window. Jack Swanson. Finally.
“You going to go talk to him this time?” Alison asked.
Emma could hear her heartbeat in her ears. “I will.”
“Today?”
Emma bit her lower lip. “I’m just going to bring up bad memories for him. He lost his wife, Alison.”
“I know. And it’s awful and tragic, and I wish it hadn’t happened. But taking on all the blame? That’s just emotion getting the better of you.”
Emma was sweating again. And her heart was pounding, echoing in her head. “You can’t just discount emotions, no matter how much you resent and try to ignore them.”
“Okay, first of all, ouch,” Alison said. “And second, fine then, so you can’t discount emotions. But you can’t discount actual facts either. Fact numero uno: you were not responsible for everything that happened that night. It was ruled a no-fault. Fact numero dos: you need to go out there and make peace with what happened. Who knows, maybe he needs you to forgive him every bit as much as you need him to forgive you, have you ever thought of that? What if you’re both scared and only half living?”
“He’s less than half living,” Emma said. Whispered actually, as if Jack could hear her. He couldn’t, but he’d stopped walking and they were staring at each other. She couldn’t look away. “He’s alone and looks . . . sad.”
“So you have to go out there then.” Alison jabbed a finger at the door. “If you won’t do it for yourself so that you can fully get over what happened, then do it for him.”
Emma bit her lower lip.
“You know I’m right,” Alison said. “I’m brilliant, remember? It’s street smarts. I had to hone those skills instead of getting book smart.”
“Oh my God,” Emma said. “I didn’t steal the scholarship on purpose!”
“Right. I’ve been mad about it for so long I forgot. Now hurry before he gets away.” Then she gave Emma a nudge that was a whole lot more like a shove.
Emma stepped outside and went stock-still.
Jack wasn’t alone this time. A woman had caught up to him, putting her phone in her pocket like she’d just stepped away to take a call. She slipped her hand in Jack’s and went up on tiptoes to kiss his jaw.
Swallowing hard, Emma approached them, but stopped a good ten feet away, not sure of her welcome, or what she even thought she was doing. “Jack.”
He met her gaze with the same trepidation she knew she wore, but . . . no surprise.
He knew she’d be here.
“Emma,” he said. “Hi.”
The woman at his side gently let loose of his hand. “I’m going to be right over here so you two can talk.” She stepped back while Jack stood there uncertainly.
Emma was going to have to go first. She drew a deep breath. “I’ve seen you walking by here a few times. I didn’t come out because . . . well, I didn’t want to . . . intrude.”
Jack was shaking his head. “You’re not. At all. I’m happy to see you.”
“You are?”
“Ever since I realized you were working here, I changed my walking route so that I could try to catch sight of you. I wasn’t trying to be a stalker, just wanted to see if you were doing okay.”
That was a sweet shock. But something was different about him. It took Emma a moment to realize he was smiling. She said, “You look good.”
“I am.” Some of his smile dimmed then. “I was hoping the same for you. You’re up on your feet, not even a cane or crutch. I hope that means . . . things are back to the way they were? Before that day?” Jack asked this breathlessly, as if he was holding his breath, on pins and needles waiting for her answer.
“Not exactly back to the way they were,” she said, then, when he looked tormented, she quickly added, “No, I mean I don’t want them to go back to the way they were. I’m . . . better. I’m good, Jack.”
The relief that poured off him was like a balm to her soul. He reached out and grasped Emma’s hands in his. “You’ve lost so much. I’ve been so worried about you.”
“Same.” Her throat was almost too thick to speak. “But you lost more, so much more.”
Jack shook his head. “That sort of thing . . . it can’t be measured or compared.” He waited until she looked him in the eyes. “Do you know the hardest part about losing someone? It’s not having to say goodbye. It’s learning how to live without them, always trying to fill the hole they left in your world, the emptiness where your heart used to be.” He paused. Shook his head. “But much as I didn’t want it to, life goes on, for everyone. It did for me. I’m okay, Emma. . . .” He gave a small smile. “I’d really like you to be too.”
She thought of her physical recovery. How she’d held back, even now. She thought of Simon, and how she’d also held back from him.
Because she hadn’t wanted to be all okay until Jack was.
But Jack was okay . . .
“I played a game with myself,” Emma admitted. “I couldn’t get all the way better until you did. And knowing how much you lost . . .” Her eyes filled. “I couldn’t imagine you being all better, no matter how badly I wanted it for you. So I really thought my best days were long behind me.”
“Your best days aren’t behind you. They’re right in front of you. Maria?”