He stood, startling her brain into gear. She shot to her feet. “Where are you going?”
“You look a little shell-shocked. I thought I’d give you some space and head out to my truck.”
“Tank, you can’t keep sleeping in your truck.”
He shrugged. “Why not? I want to be close by until I know you and the girls are okay.”
“Because it can’t be comfortable.”
“Don’t worry about me, darlin’.” He headed for the door.
“You’re so stubborn.” She knew he wouldn’t go home, and she liked that about him, even if she felt guilty for taking up so much of his time.
“You sound like every person who has ever known me.”
“Well, if you’re not going to go home, then sleep on the couch. I trust you, and at least you’ll be more comfortable.”
Turning, he cocked a brow. “You sure you can handle that? I’m not going to wake up with you pawing at me, am I?”
She laughed, liking his playful side. It had been forever since she’d been flirted with, and she’d forgotten how fun it was. “I’m pretty sure I can contain myself. It was just a kiss.” A brain-numbing kiss that made my body hum.
He held her gaze, amusement dancing in his eyes. “Right.”
“I’ll get you bedding and a pillow.” She headed for her bedroom to get the extra bedding from her closet. “You might want to wipe that smirk off your face before I change my mind.”
When she came out of her bedroom, he was standing by the door. He must have seen the question in her eyes, because he said, “I figured you might have second thoughts and want me to leave.”
“Second, third, and fourth thoughts, but I don’t want you to go.” She put the blanket and pillow on the coffee table.
“You sure? I won’t be offended if you change your mind.”
“I’m sure.” She started spreading the sheet over the couch.
“I can do that.” He drew her into his arms, gazing down at her with a serious expression. “I don’t do hidden agendas, Lee, and I believe everyone needs to do what’s best for them. So if you go into your bedroom and feel even the slightest bit uneasy with me out here, just say the word.”
“Okay.”
He gave a curt nod and kissed her cheek. “Sweet dreams.”
“You too.” After using the bathroom and brushing her teeth, she went into her room and closed the door. She changed into her sleeping shirt and shorts and climbed into bed, thinking about him sitting watchfully over them out there. Was she doing the wrong thing by getting close to Tank at such a tumultuous time? She closed her eyes, reliving their kisses and the feel of his arms around her, and oh, what a wonderful feeling that was. But in the next moment, she heard River’s panicked voice, saw him struggling to get Junie free of her carseat in those last perilous seconds, and heartache moved in.
Chapter Seven
LEAH LAY IN bed staring at the ceiling Sunday morning after a fitful night’s sleep, wondering if mornings would ever feel normal again. She used to love getting up with the sun to be showered and ready before the chaos of their day began: River making jokes and flopping on the couch to eat a bowl of cereal with his feet on the coffee table, Rosie’s upbeat chatter bouncing off the walls, and Junie sweetly and quietly sitting amid the activity as her body slowly awakened. Since losing River, Leah decided mornings were sneaky and mean, easing in like good intentions, sprinkling sunshine into her bedroom as if to say, Join me on this beautiful new day, only to have reality slap her with sadness after she opened her eyes and remembered that River was gone.
She knew mornings would never be the same. How could they? They hadn’t remained the same after her father died. She’d just stowed those painful memories so deep, she’d forgotten exactly how cruel mornings had felt. But now she remembered how the need to cry every minute had eventually turned to an ache of despair and, a few weeks later, to sad acceptance, enabling her and River to move on to their new normal. She had faith that she and the girls would find their new normal, too, as long as she didn’t screw it up.
Her emotions had waffled all night between despair over losing River, comfort in Tank’s support, and the warm, tingly feelings being close to him had stirred. On the heels of those tingles came prickles of selfishness and guilt. She more than liked Tank, and the girls adored him. But he was right—their lives had been forever changed, and she was all the girls had left of a family. She couldn’t believe she had to bury her brother tomorrow. How was that even possible? They said God never gave a person more than they could handle, but she’d like to slap whoever they were. Could God be cruel enough to want to test River’s girls like that? To test her for a second time?
Her mind reeled with things she needed to take care of and had been avoiding, like giving the insurance company her new number and dealing with the aftermath of the accident. She had medical insurance, but there were hefty deductibles she’d have to cover. She needed to get a car so she could go back to work, but first she had to find childcare for the girls. They’d never been cared for by anyone other than her or River, and the thought of leaving them with a stranger made her sick to her stomach. And then there were River’s things to think about. Going through her father’s belongings had been torture. How could she do that for her younger brother?
She wasn’t supposed to outlive him.
Tears streamed down her temples, and she closed her eyes, telling herself that all of that could wait until after tomorrow. But dealing with Tank couldn’t. The girls needed her to do the smart thing, even if it would hurt like hell. She could accept his help, because the truth was, without Tank and his parents, she and the girls would probably all be hiding under the covers crying buckets. But she couldn’t put the girls’ hearts at risk by letting this thing between her and Tank continue. It was better to break her own heart now than theirs later.
She glanced at the time. 7:30. She was surprised the house was so quiet, but yesterday had been a big day for the girls, and if she was lucky, they were sleeping in. She threw on her sweatshirt, pushed her feet into the fuzzy boot slippers she’d splurged on for the chilly Cape mornings, and quietly opened her bedroom door. She lost her train of thought at the sight of Tank sleeping on the couch with the girls. His right shoulder and hip were angled up against the back cushions, making room for Rosie, who lay tucked against his side, his massive arm belted around her. Junie was fast asleep on his chest, her little body rising and lowering with his every breath and her tiny hand clutching his silver chain. Leah’s heart expanded. She wondered what had played out last night and how she hadn’t woken up. Had the girls woken up sad and gone looking for her? Had Tank intercepted them? Or had they come out this morning and found him sleeping and snuggled in with him like they did with her sometimes? She wanted to get in on that comfort, to crawl up on top of Tank and drape her arms around all of them.
That was the problem.
For a girl who hadn’t even thought about men over the last four years, it sure was easy to fall for Tank. He was kind and gentle with her and the girls. He understood them and accepted them with all their flaws and baggage. It didn’t hurt that he was the hottest, toughest man she’d ever met. But there was no guarantee that whatever this was between them would last, and that was a risk the girls couldn’t afford.