“He did, and he always told me how good I was with the girls and that my dad would be proud.” Her eyes teared up. “Even with all the crap he put us through, we were like this.” She crossed her fingers. “I could never stay mad at him. I loved him too much. He was a great kid, a great guy who just got lost for a while. But once we moved here, everything changed for the better.”
“Where are you from?”
“North Carolina.”
“I wondered about that sweet Southern accent of yours. How did you end up here?”
“If you didn’t think I was crazy before, this might convince you. I dreamed about the area.”
“And you just picked up and moved? That takes a lot of courage.”
“The dream was so real, it felt like a sign. I looked up the area the next day, made a few calls about places to live and jobs, and talked to River about it. He knew something had to change, and he was on board with it. Within a week I’d found this place and I had a few interviews set up. I thought it was meant to be, and once we moved here, I was sure it was the right decision. River grew up overnight. He signed up for college courses and was determined to get a degree and show the girls that anything was possible. I was so proud of him, and he loved it here, but…” Tears trailed down her cheeks again, slicing him anew. “If we hadn’t moved, he’d still be alive.”
Tank pulled her into his arms. “You can’t know that. With the trouble he was getting into, you don’t know where he would have ended up.” He drew back so he could see her face, keeping her close with one arm around her. He brushed her curls away from her eyes and wiped her tears with the pad of his thumb. “Do you remember what you said about not blaming myself for Ashley’s death?”
She nodded, sniffling.
“That goes for you, too. We live in a fucked-up world where bad shit happens and we’ll never know why. All you can do is remember the reasons you moved here. You were looking out for him and the girls, and from what you’ve told me, it was a good move.”
“I thought it was.” She swiped at her tears. “This was supposed to be our fresh start, and he was doing so well. The night of the accident, he’d gone out with new friends to play basketball. The guys ended up getting high, but River didn’t, and that was huge for him. He called me to come get him. I was so freaking proud of him.” She inhaled shakily. “When the car was sinking, instead of saving himself, he spent the little time we had trying to get Junie out of her carseat because the latch was stuck. And now he’ll never see the girls grow up, and we’ll never see him again.” Her voice cracked, and more tears fell.
He pulled her into his arms again, and she cried on his shoulder. “He was a hero, Lee. Never forget that. I wish I could bring him back for you.”
LEAH SOAKED IN Tank’s comfort as she pulled herself together. They were having such a nice conversation, she didn’t want to get lost in sadness again. She sat back and wiped her eyes. “I don’t want to remember him in those last panicked moments. I want to remember him sitting by the girls’ bed, playing the guitar with Rosie beside him and Junie lying behind him, holding his necklace.”
“Then that’s what you’ll do. Think about that image when you put the girls to bed at night. Do you have a picture of him playing his guitar with the girls like that?”
She shook her head. “Those pictures in the box and the few on the walls are all I have. The rest were on our phones. I meant to get them printed, but our lives were so busy, I never got around to it.”
“Did you back them up to the cloud or some other service?”
“No.”
“What about social media?”
“Me?” she said incredulously. “Who would follow me on social media? I haven’t even gone on a date since I got the girls. Are you on social media?”
He scoffed. “Hardly. Cait set up social media profiles for the tattoo shop, but she runs them. What about River? Most kids his age are on their phones all the time.”
Leah knew Cait superficially from the restaurant, like Tank’s other friends. “He was on Instagram and TikTok, but…Wait. He uploaded pictures to his laptop.”
“Let’s check it out.”
She pushed to her feet, but when she looked at the staircase, she felt like she might cry again. “I can’t go up there yet.”
Tank stood beside her. “I’ll go, unless you’d rather I didn’t.”
“No, that’s fine. I’m just not ready to see his room yet.”
With a nod, he headed for the steps, and she said, “It’s probably on his dresser or his bed.”
Tank’s big body took up the entire staircase, as if he could reach up and pull himself into the room. River’s room had a low ceiling that came to a peak in the middle. Tank stood on the stairs looking around, and when he stepped into the room, he had to nearly fold himself in half. He climbed back down with the laptop. “Do you know his passwords?”
“I don’t think he used one, but if he did, I can probably guess it.”
He sat beside her on the couch, set the laptop on the coffee table, and opened it. The screen lit up to a browser open to River’s Instagram account.
Leah’s heart skipped. “Ohmygod. Tank.” There were dozens of pictures of River, Leah, and the girls. She scrolled through them, aching and happy at once. “Look how many there are.”
“He sure loved you guys.”
“He really did. He told us all the time.” She got another pang of longing as they scrolled through the images. Her eyes were blurry with a mix of happy and sad tears.
“That necklace he has on looks like the one your father had on in the pictures. Was it his?”
“Yeah. River never took it off.”
“I get that. Ash gave me mine for Christmas the year before she died, and I never take it off, either.” They looked through a few more pictures. “I know you said it’s always been just the four of you, but there are no pictures with friends. Have you ever had any girlfriends to lean on?”
“I had friends and a boyfriend before my dad died, but then our lives changed. I changed. I grew up real fast. Taking care of River, and the trouble he got into, were more than my boyfriend or my friends wanted to deal with. Then we got Junie and Rosie, and my life has revolved around them ever since.”
“The guy should be ashamed of himself, and the girls don’t sound like they were real friends. Friends always have your back.”
The way he said it was visceral, like he didn’t have time for what her father used to call fair-weather friends. She liked that about him. “To be honest, I was so busy holding our lives together, I hadn’t even given my lack of friends a thought until I started working for your parents, and even then it was only in passing. I thought Gunner and Steph, and Baz and Evie, were couples, but Starr told me they were just best friends. It’s not every day you see guys and girls who are that close and not something more.”
“Evie and Steph have known us forever. We grew up together, and Evie works for Baz. She’s his veterinary assistant, and Steph is Bethany’s older sister. After Ash died, Bethany got into drugs, and she’s been in and out of Steph’s life ever since. It’s not easy for Steph. Bethany took off a few years ago, and the club’s been trying to track her down.”