As he drove out of the parking lot, Leah looked at the woman he’d helped and knew he was right. He’d done the right thing. But that didn’t stop a worry from burrowing deep inside her, that one day he might go up against the wrong person, and he may not be as lucky as he was today.
AFTER PICKING UP clothes for Leah and the girls, they went to Tank’s house for their indoor camping adventure. Baths were taken, a tent was erected in the living room, and hot dogs were roasted over a fireplace campfire. The girls were exhausted and had barely made it through ten minutes of a story before falling asleep cuddled up with Boo, Mine, and their memory blankets inside the tent. Tank and Leah zipped two sleeping bags together across the room from the tent, in front of the glowing embers in the fireplace. Tank lay in a pair of shorts with Leah in his arms, her head on his shoulder, her leg over his, and her fingers playing over his chest. He couldn’t stop thinking about how different his house felt with her and the girls in it and worrying about how quiet Leah had been since they’d left the festival. He’d noticed her watching him and the girls more closely than usual, too, and wondered what was on her mind.
He kissed her forehead, bringing her eyes up to his. “You okay?”
“I was just thinking about how great today was. I felt River around us the whole time we were hiking and at the festival.”
“You did?” That could explain her quietness. “Was that okay? How did it make you feel?”
“It was a good feeling. I remember it happening after we lost our dad. I don’t feel River around us now, but this afternoon it was like he was spending the day with his girls.”
“And you, babe. You were his world, too.”
“Yeah,” she agreed.
“You and the girls have become mine, too, Lee.” He caressed her leg. “My house has never felt like this before. It’s always just been a place to rest my head. A shelter from the elements.”
“What does it feel like now?”
As he searched for words to describe the changes he felt, he laid her head on the pillow and leaned on his elbow beside her so he could see her better. Her thick curls fanned out around the beautiful face he knew by heart, the face he saw when he closed his eyes and conjured when they were apart. It was the face of the woman he wanted to wake up to every day for the rest of his life.
“It feels right, like we do. I realized today that I’ve tried to keep my memories of Ash alive for so long, I never gave any thought to creating memories of my own. I want that with you and the girls, Lee. Days like today. Nights like tonight.” He brushed his lips over hers, whispering, “The good, bad, happy, and sad. Everything.”
Her breathing quickened.
“But part of that is learning to know you so well that I hear the things you’re not telling me, like now.” He held her gaze, wanting his words to sink in. “You’re looking at me with as much desire as careful curiosity.”
“Tank…” she whispered.
“What is it, Lee? You’ve got to be able to talk to me about anything. Why have you been watching us so closely tonight? Was it because of what happened in the parking lot?”
She lowered her eyes, trailing her fingertips along his stomach. “Yes.”
“Talk to me, Lee.”
She met his gaze, emotions brimming in her eyes. “You know how I had wanted to keep my distance from you at first to protect the girls from another heartbreak, and I couldn’t stay away?”
His muscles tensed, his mind going to the worst possible place. “Yes. Do you regret that now?”
“No,” she said quickly. “Today just made me realize how much you mean to us. I can’t stop thinking about the worst possible outcome of something like what happened today. What if he pulled a gun? What if he stabbed you or ran you over with his car?” Tears dampened her eyes. “We would have lost you, and we’ve only just found you.”
He dipped his head beside hers. “You’re not going to lose me, darlin’.”
“You can’t promise us that. From what I saw today, you’ll jump into any situation to help people regardless of the risks.”
He lifted his face, fearing the truth might be too much for her to accept and knowing he had to be honest. “You’re right. I can’t promise you that. But this is who I am, Lee. This is how I was raised. It’s the way of the Dark Knights. It’s in my blood, baby. I can’t change that part of myself.”
She touched his cheek, and he leaned into her palm, needing the connection. “That’s just it. I don’t want you to change. You stand for all the right things, and you don’t just talk the talk. You step in. Not just like today, but you go into schools and teach kids about hard, important aspects of life. If you weren’t the brave, caring man you are, you wouldn’t have gone into the water and saved us. I could have lost River and Junie.”
“Don’t say that. I don’t even want to think about that.”
“Neither do I, but it’s true. Today you saved someone else, and we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. But I know this much is true, Benson Wicked—”
“Say that again.” It came out as a demand, but he couldn’t have stopped it if he’d wanted to. Hearing his real name roll off her lips, full of desire and confidence, brought a new rush of emotions.
“I know this—”
“My real name, baby. Say it again.”
Her eyes glittered devilishly. “Benson Wicked,” she said seductively.
“How can a name I’ve heard hundreds of times sound so different coming from you?”
She shrugged adorably.
He couldn’t keep from kissing her deeply, passionately, reveling in the emotions coursing through him. As their lips parted, he said, “Sorry, go on. What were you saying?”
“You can’t kiss me like that and expect my brain to jump back to reality that fast.” She laughed softly. “Not that I’m complaining.” She rose up and touched her lips to his in a quick kiss. “I was saying that the girls and I want you in our lives, and I know I can’t protect them or myself from what you’ve already become to us, which means I need to figure out how to deal with the fear that we could lose you at any time.”
“But nobody knows when their days are going to end, Lee.”
“That’s true, but the risks you take are bigger than most people, and it seems like you take them often. Like I said, this is not about you changing. It’s about me figuring out how to live with that reality. In a perfect world, I could prepare the girls and myself for the worst. But I’d never do that. If I had known we’d lose River, it wouldn’t have hurt any less, and I would have lived every minute in fear, just waiting for it to happen. That’s not living.”
He moved over her, aching to be closer. “How can I make it less scary?”
“I don’t think you can. But I am glad I told you how I felt, because even though it won’t change anything, it’s better than keeping it inside.”
“I’m sorry, darlin’.”
“Don’t be sorry for being who you are. You’re the bravest man I know, and I thank God you were too bullheaded to walk away from us.”