The butler was walking from the kitchen toward the entry way when I came down the stairway. I couldn’t recall his name and I felt ashamed, but my mind was preoccupied with other issues at the moment. “Excuse me, sir,” I called out before I reached the bottom step.
He halted and turned to face me. “Miss Bathurst. How may I be of service?” he asked.
“I need to find Lord Ashington. Tis my sister. She isn’t feeling well. I wouldn’t bother him otherwise you see but…”
The butler gave a singular nod. “Lord Ashington is on his morning ride. You may find him in the stables shortly.”
“Thank you,” I blurted in haste then made my way toward the front doors, but not before the butler could appear beside me and open them for me. Turning back to him, I smiled. “I didn’t get your name or I fear I do not recall it,” I admitted to him.
He was much younger than most butlers, but his stiff back and regal demeanor was that of the finest English butlers. “Earlwin, Miss Bathurst,” he replied.
“Thank you, Earlwin, for your assistance. It is much appreciated,” I replied then picked up my skirts in a fashion I knew my mother would scold me for and hurried down the steps and out across the manicured lawn toward the stables.
Although my long strides had quickened my arrival at the stables, it was of no use, for Ashington was not back yet from his ride. A stable boy walked by carrying feed and I decided then I would find out in what direction he had gone and begin making my way toward him.
“Do you know where Lord Ashington takes his morning rides?” I asked the boy.
He nodded and pointed out toward the back of the house toward the woods behind it, yet he said nothing.
“He took his horse in that direction?” I asked incredulously. That didn’t seem safe for man or horse. Was there even a path?
The boy waved his hand again with his finger, pointing in the same direction. This time he used more flair as if trying to speak louder but remained silent.
“Is there a path I don’t see?” I asked him, wishing he would speak.
The boy nodded then walked away with the feed, never once uttering a word.
Hoping he was correct, I picked up my skirts again and headed back toward what looked like a forest from here. I couldn’t imagine Lord Ashington would go riding out into a dense forest when he had all this lovely land to enjoy. The closer I got to the wooded area, I realized that there was, in fact, a very wide path that had been hidden by the sun’s shadows. Perhaps the path led to a beautiful stream or open field of daises.
There must be a reason Ashington would take the path as there must also be a reason for the path’s existence. I began walking through the forest and the deeper I went, the more magical it became. The trees leaned toward each other at their tops, as if reaching to embrace a loved one. Birds flitted from branches as the sunlight that broke through made the path appear as if it were meant for fairies instead of humans.
It was a perfectly carved out trail by nature itself and I was so lost in the beauty and magnificence around me I missed the light at the end until I was almost upon it. A voice stopped me and I paused to listen. Perhaps I had come upon someone else’s estate. I wasn’t sure where I had been going, only that the boy had said Lord Ashington had went this way.
“Make another, Ashington!” A young voice pleaded.
“Why do you need another? That crown fits quite well. You look as if you are the queen of fairies,” Lord Ashington replied.
“Tis not for me! I need one for Alice. If I am to be queen of fairies then she must be my princess. If she is the princess and I am the queen, I shall not take a nap today but dance among the flowers and eat jam all I want,” the young girl said.
I couldn’t see either of them and I feared if I made a move, they would hear me. Who was the child Ashington was talking to? Was it a neighbor’s child? A relative?
Ashington laughed as if he were truly delighted. “I do not believe Alice will agree to such terms,” he replied. “However, if you are very good, I will make sure jam is delivered with your biscuits at tea today.”
He was sending them food? I wanted to move closer so I could see them but stayed in place. My curiosity was battling my good sense.
“Will you come have tea with us?” she asked with a hopeful tone.
“I’m afraid I cannot today. I must entertain my company,” he replied.
A loud sigh came from the girl. “I wish to meet your company.”
“I believe you shall soon,” he told her.
“Truly! You said you had to be sure.”
There was a pause and I wondered if he had noticed me or if I was breathing too heavily. I hated not being able to see them through the shrubbery.
“I am almost sure that you will meet this one,” he said to her.
The child clapped her hands together and squealed in delight. “And truly she looks like a princess?”
“I would say any princess would pale in comparison to Miss Bathurst’s beauty,” he replied.
I took a step back then. So many questions swirling in my head that I couldn’t pick a singular one to ponder. How did one ponder any of this? Slowly, I eased away until I could safely walk back in the direction in which I had come.
Such familiarity… it seemed odd for Lord Ashington to speak that way to a mere neighbor’s child or even a distant relative.
The tone of their voices, the trust in the girl’s voice was clear, the affection in Lord Ashington’s was equally so. My head spun even more as I waked quickly back to the house, no longer taken with the splendor of nature that surrounded me. For there was one explanation to what I had just overheard, yet how could that be? Lord Ashington would not be able to keep such a secret… or could he? Did he wield that much power?
I didn’t stop moving until I was in the room given to me and I closed the door firmly behind me. Then I stood there and let the most obvious explanation play out in my head.
Lord Ashington had a child and a mistress. He was indeed searching for a wife to cover that up. I sank down on the settee and stared blankly at the wall in front of me. He had brought me here as if to interview my family. This was not to court me because he wasn’t looking for a love match. He was looking for a position to fill. He needed a countess that would accept his child and his lover.
To be fair, I had not come to London in search of a love match. Not at all. He knew of this too because I had been rather clear on the subject, had I not? Lord Ashington was aware that I was in need of a wealthy husband to provide for my sister and my mother. I needed someone that could afford the medical procedures Whitney required and he needed a wife willing to look the other way. He must think he had found the perfect prospect in me. How could he not? I wasn’t a silly debutante full of silly hopes to be a countess. Rank meant little to me. He had realized this and he had pounced on it.
My chest stung and I felt a heaviness in my stomach. I had allowed myself to like Lord Ashington. Possibly care for him and believe there might be something for us in the future. He had charmed me and I had been his fool. For a moment, he had me believe that I might have something akin to what my aunt and uncle have. It had been foolish of me to believe it possible. Especially with a man as powerful as Lord Ashington.
This wasn’t heartbreak, for I wasn’t silly enough to fancy myself in love. It was simply, yet again, the realization I was never someone’s choice for the reasons I wanted to be. Nicholas only needed me if I were a pawn to hurt his brother. Lord Ashington only wanted me if I were the perfect wife who turned my head to his secret family. My mother only wanted me because I was her only hope for financial security. Then, of course, I had never been wanted by my father. He hadn’t found use in my existence at all. I shut out memories of him quickly. Dwelling on my father’s lack of love was pointless.