His ignorant words are like a bucket of ice being dumped over my head. I rip out of his hold, his fiery gaze a mixture of desire and confusion. “It’s not just us. And there are too many things standing in our way. There always have been. You’re just too blind to see them.”
His mouth parts in shock. He takes a step back, prepared to fight me, but I take off. This time, he doesn’t follow me. I forgo the subway. My legs are on fire as I run, and my entire body shivers at the memory of tonight. My mind gets lost replaying the events. When I come back to reality, I’m walking up my apartment steps.
“Hey—whoa, are you okay?” Carrie pops up from the couch and sets down a magazine.
“Yeah, just couldn’t catch a cab and didn’t want to be any later than I am.” I grab onto a kitchen chair to steady myself because my legs are about to give out. “Thanks for staying late.” I exhale, worried I may just pass out at my kitchen table.
“Uh…yeah, you sure you’re okay? I can stay. Bria is asleep, but—”
“No. I’m okay. Promise. A hot bath and bed is what I need.” With uncertainty in her eyes, she nods and heads home. After a hot shower, I climb into bed and reach inside my nightstand for a small box. I hold it to my chest before removing the top. The day my mother said to grab anything of value because I wouldn’t be returning, I only took two things: the clothes on my back and an old picture of Jake and me. It was taken at his graduation party and the night he first kissed me. We were smiling, his arm wrapped around my neck, our heads knocking together. We looked happy. And we were. Jake had asked his mother to take it, and shockingly, she did. The next day, I woke up and it had been slipped under my door with a note.
Willa,
Remember this happy. You’re always the most beautiful this way.
-Jake
He didn’t say goodbye in words, but this was his farewell to me. A piece of himself I could hold on to when he was away. I brush my fingers over our faces, remembering the way his heavy arm felt so comforting around me, the smell of his cologne that stained my pillows from the nights when he would sneak into my room and we would stay up for hours talking, my obnoxious dress he tried hard to convince me looked beautiful but couldn’t mask his goofy grin at the gaudy pattern of tacky orange passion flowers and purple peonies.
Inhaling, I wipe away a tear, place that picture aside, and pick up a photo of Bria and I right after she was born. She was so tiny and frail. The birth wasn’t easy since they didn’t allow drugs inside the monastery. A smile is on my face, but there is so much sadness in it. My heart felt full of life, but so empty from his absence. He should have been there.
I pull out the stained piece of paper. His email to me. A letter I forced myself to read over and over as a reminder that I needed to leave my so-called fairytale life behind. It wasn’t real. And I needed to see the facts in front of me. He chose to abandon me. But did he? Did my mother hate me so much, she would have conjured up a scheme to allow me such pain? For my heart to bleed with betrayal? Could he truly not know about Bria and all I’ve endured?
I shake my head and shove the items back in the box and cover it, slamming my nightstand drawer. His words slice at me. “Tell me what’s wrong. Why did you disappear on me?” He wrote that letter. He had to have. If he didn’t, I’ve spent the past two years bleeding for nothing. All the wreckage around my heart caused by manipulation and lies.
I punch my fists against my pillow, hating the way I soak the cloth with my tears. “Why are the people meant to love me most, the evilest?” My heart is being torn in two directions. Betrayal and forgiveness. And now I don’t know which one is the harder pill to swallow. What does this mean for us? For Bria?
If Jake didn’t truly abandon me…
Chapter Six
No amount of coffee is going to help me today. My eyes are bloodshot and swollen. I attempt to lather on more makeup than usual, but it only makes me look more tired. I give up and kiss Bria goodbye and head off to work. I refuse to allow last night back inside my mind. I need to move on and be strong for Bria. I made a promise to myself I would never again be deceived. I have to believe that as much as my mother despises me, she wouldn’t go that far. I can’t allow myself to think what I’ve been through was for nothing.
As Sister Helen would say on the nights I felt I couldn’t go on, this too shall pass. I repeat those comforting words as I push through my workday. Mr. Anderson is unbearable. I’m not sure how much more I can take before I have to get HR involved. He’s getting closer and closer to crossing lines I may not be able to stop.
I hurry out of his office, once again fending off his wandering hands, when Tracey pops by. “Hey, you…uh, have a visitor…”
My eyebrows raise. “I do?” Jake comes around the corner holding a giant bouquet of passion flowers and peonies, his eyes searching the layout until they land on me.
“Yeah. Kind of romantic, even though he has horrible taste in flowers.”
I lock eyes with Jake as we share a smile. Purple peonies and orange passion flowers. The same gaudy pattern on the horrid dresses mother would stuff me in. “Yeah…horrible.” I can’t fight the smile that spreads as he gets closer.
“Hey,” he says softly, weighing my reaction.
“Hey,” I return his simple phrase.
We stare at one another until Tracey clears her throat. “Yeah, so I’m going to lunch. See you later.” Behind his back, she winks at me before she disappears.
“I hope you don’t mind me showing up here. I’m not stalking you…well, I guess I am…it’s just…I remember seeing the name on your badge…well, I found out where you worked beforehand ’cause I Googled you…and, I mean, it’s the only way I knew how to reach you.” He takes a deep breath and extends his arm. “These are for you. Truce?”
I accept them, relishing in the way our fingers brush against one another. “Thank you. They’re—”
“Beautiful,” he replies for me, his eyes piercing into mine. “Willa, can we talk? For real talk? No more tap dancing?” Sincerity shines from his eyes, and I take in his aged features. It’s been two years since I’ve gazed into the softness of his emerald eyes. He seems taller, more masculine. His lips are just as plump and smooth as I remember. His sandy blond hair is a bit longer, but it fits him. It’s never been about his looks for me, though. It’s his essence that always drew me in. His aura that wrapped around me and made me feel safe.
“Please…” His voice breaks me from my spell.
Sister Helen’s words replay in my head. If your path crosses with Bria’s father’s again one day, believe there is hope in you to do right. Maybe this is what she was talking about. This is my chance. A slow smile spreads across my lips, and I nod. “Sure. I’d like that.”
Jake closes his eyes, briefly bowing his head in relief. When he recaptures my gaze, a flutter of sensations trickles down my arms. “Just let me…um…just put these in water, and we can go, okay?”
“Yeah, sure, anything…” His nervousness creates another round of flutters. I hide my blushing cheeks and bend down to grab a vase from my desk. The door behind me opens, and Mr. Anderson stumbles out of his office, brushing crumbs off his belly. “Willa—who’s this?” he snaps at Jake.